Rn-mom

2010-05-18T14:02:00.000-04:00

For the past week I have been home with sick kids. At first it was my oldest, while my younger guy was ok. On one of those nights, my bigger boy feel asleep early, which left me cuddling with just Ben. When you have more than one kid, on those rare times when you have just one to give your undivided attention to you take full advantage of it. I sometimes feel guilty that my younger son has never known what is like to have two parents giving him full attention all the time. It does not hurt that he adores his big brother, which is something Will never had, so I suppose it balances.
So we are cuddling, then we get a little silly, and this happens: (Be warned, these are not good pictures of me. Thanks to my blackberry being ever-present, I was able to capture something I never would have otherwise.)

These pictures are far more real than what I usually post on the internet, no nice cropping or even cleavage covering(that last one). I love them, simply because they capture what was a very sweet moment between me and my littlest guy. That right there is what my life is about.

another stellar parenting moment...

2010-02-17T18:29:00.003-05:00

Earlier today my son called me into the bathroom, to well...complete the cleaning up process. (wipe his butt). So while I was there I noticed he needed a little lotion. We were at my inlaws house, so they don't have desitin readily available. I opened the cupboard and scanned for whatever options were there. The first thing my eyes fell on was a bottle of ben-gay.

And then I just forgot that I was talking to my four year old potty obsessed child, and I said out loud "well we don't want to use that, cause that would be like my butt, my butt, my butt is on fire!" Complete with a little song and dance on the end. When I saw my childs eyes WIDE open while he laughed, hard. I realized I just handed him the keys to potty humor kingdom, and he confirmed it when he started singing and dancing along to my little tune!

I promise I'm a good mother..but really, someone should just stop me from talking to my kids!!

the strength of women

2010-01-21T22:07:00.005-05:00

I have a friend, who is struggling with her health, and now her marriage is over, with no more than a flip comment from a selfish man. She faces surgery, tomorrow, knowing her husband will be moving out by the middle of next week.

I have a friend, who is living a shell of a marriage, because she needs her living situation and wants to provide some stability for her children.

I have a friend who has realized that something about her youngest child is different, and is trying to find out what he needs and get him appropriate services, while working against her husbands issue of his child being less than perfect.

I have a friend who is at a crossroads in her marriage, and about to uproot their lives to get in a place where they can put it all back together.

I have a friend who is tired of being a doormat. Her family of origin expects she will just do for them, without bothering to ask her opinion. She is at that place where she is deciding what kind of woman she will be and making decisions that are moving her away from how she was raised.

It seems to me that woman as a whole carry these things. We just get up everyday, pull on our big girl panties and do. We do whatever needs to be done, we drink more coffee, we get less sleep, we eat too much chocolate. Sometimes it sucks to be a girl.

The thing is though...women rock. We are dynamic, changing, we absorb what comes at us and grow. We are every day getting stronger. What makes women special? Men don't have this ability. The man you marry, is the man you will have. They are human they grow and learn. They are not women. I think the reason for this is simple. We have each other.

When women talk, we are not just chatting, we are sharing our life experiences. I know who to call when my son has hit a stage I just cannot fathom, I know who to call when I'm worried about my marriage, I know who to call when I need a laugh, I know who to call when I need to vent, I know who to call when I need to go out and have fun. When any of these women need me, I drop everything and go, as they do for me.

My friends are from very different walks of life, different ages, different upbringings, different jobs. Each of them has taught me something, and I have passed on what I know. This is the power of women.

I would be screwed without them.

wow! are we blue-collar

2010-01-13T16:39:00.004-05:00

I was wandering around my house-I mean cleaning it, yeah that's it, I was cleaning! When I noticed my work sneaker, on top of my husbands work boots. Nothing says we are blue collar more than some shoes meant for work, am I right? It's all good though, as long as we are taking care of them:

Woman's work

2009-12-12T10:12:00.005-05:00

Was discussing motherhood with my mom this morning. That is always an interesting conversation. She once said to me..."you know if I could do it all over again, I'm not sure I would have had kids." I was a little offended, being you know HER KID. Her point at the time was that I did not have kids yet, and that I did not have to have them, it wasn't a given, and if I wanted to choose differently I could. Again at the time, just really offended, but we are a rather blunt family, there isn't a whole lot of couching things in niceties, we just throw out whatever thought we are currently thinking. (It has taken a lot to learn how to be professional and business appropriate when I put on my RN hat)

I get my mom's point now, 4.5 years into motherhood with two sons to show for it. My husband and I have been together forever. We have known each other longer. We waited to have kids, and had been married 5 years before our first son was born. I know this man, inside out and backwards. I knew he was all about family, I knew he would be a great dad. Then we had our first son.

He reacted in ways I could never have seen coming, and went into PROVIDER mode. Buy a house quick! Tear it apart and remodel it NOW! After five months of whirlwind activity GETTING READY we brought home our first baby, who we both wanted. We were happy, hell we were on a new baby high like no other. Then he withdrew. He was here, he did everything I asked of him, but he had no idea what being a dad was..and freaked out!! It took him about two months to pull out of it. I was annoyed, but understood, he had never been a dad before..he had never been around babies before, and he was here physically, he was holding and changing his son, he did whatever needed to be done. He was just lost. (I have no explanation for his exact same reaction when we had our second child-I guess this is just how he handles it.)

My point? Is that parenthood changes us, in ways we cannot see or expect. I slowly came to realize that my marriage was no longer a partnership where we both worked full time and tended to whatever had to happen in the house 50/50. Slowly things shifted. We decided I would go back to work 24 hours instead of 32, eventually I bid into a 12 hour shift position, so I could just work two days a week. With all that being home, house stuff just fell to me. My husband is serious about his PROVIDER role to this day-(even though I am well paid, and have a job) and looks for side work, which certainly helps our finances, but keeps him away more than either one of us really like.

Life with kids is busy, and to get back to my point about motherhood-I was unhappy with the new role I could see was becoming mine. I was actually kind of pissed about it, that whole 'women's work' thing was never for me. Before I was anyones mother I thought it was a load of malarky-that I refused to believe would be my role in life. I hate housework, I would never organize anything ever if I didnt have to. I'm not bothered enough by general mess to feel like I want to spend my time cleaning it. Woman's work is not a myth- it is all true, and if you want to be anyones mother-you had best just suck it up and move on. I'm not saying I do it espeically well, but I had better do it, if we want things like food, clean dishes, clean clothes and place for the kids to play that is you know safe. Since I am lucky enough to be the parent home most of the time with my boys-this family has come to expect that I am the person to make things happen.

So THIS morning, a Saturday, my husband is again working out of the house all day, the day after I worked and have not had enough sleep and I look like this:

I woke up to the baby yelling in his crib MAMA!!! DADDEE!!!! over and over again. I came downstairs in within 3 minutes of being awake, the dog started the I would like to go out now dance-because somehow she can never ask my husband who has been up for two hours already, Dave asked me to make him coffee as he was running late, and my sons started nagging me for milk, the house is mess, and the baby needs to be changed. Dave is running around telling me he needs laundry, and a few other things that need my attention. Good morning to you too!

"Woman's work"

How did I get this job?

Bringing back some beach

2009-11-19T17:48:00.003-05:00

I decided it was time for a facelift around here. I made the new banner with pictures of my kids from the summer. Lately I have just really been missing how relaxing it was to go chill at the beach with my kids for the afternoon, for a while there we were going once or twice a week. I cannot think of a better way to spend time with you kids. There is magic in building sandcastles, splashing in salty water and letting beach sand wear of the winter callouses on your feet.

Maybe now that it is November I should take the beach things out of my car?

a wonderful woman

2009-11-18T23:20:00.002-05:00

I met Anissa just a few weeks ago at the aiming low event in Boston. I knew she was part of aiming low as I had been following their twitter stream all day and had been seeing her picture in her avatar. When she walked up to me, she greeted me as if she knew exactly who I was. She was on her way over to the bar and asked if I had a drink, I explained that I never knew what to order and she said..oh get an "amy lo" we have our own drink now! I guess I looked unsure, because she swept me up with her and ordered me an amy lo. I thanked her and went back to my friend, as she was obviously busy.

Later she came to our table and sat with us, we talked for a little bit. I remember being amazed by her warmth, her ability to make a person feel so comfortable so easily. I remember being surprised by how much I liked her and how quickly.

Anissa has a heck of a road ahead of her, but she has dealt with a lot in her lifetime. She is a strong woman, and I believe that there is power in positive thoughts. I have been thinking of her non-stop since I saw the tweets pour in yesterday. I wish her family well, and I will be donating as these kinds of illness's take a toll on a family emotionally and financially, I urge everyone to do the same.

Go here for to get info, leave a comment, or donate or send gifts.
http://aiminglow.com/2009/11/hope-for-anissa/

amusing things

2009-11-17T17:03:00.004-05:00

In light of the fact that I am working tomorrow, and have to get this place MOM-clean. (as in my mom is coming here to watch my kids at 6:15 am) (yeah she rocks) AND my husband just called to say he is coming in late and has no idea how late that might be...tonight will be a simple bullet point of stuff I have been thinking about.

NEIL PATRICK HARRIS joined twitter yesterday, I love him and would like to marry him-I know he's gay, and shut up cause in my head he is not..and I'm not a married mother of two..but I digress.
I don't think anyone in blog land fully understands my love of Dr Horrible. My friends do because I keep making them watch it when they come here.
Can someone please explain to my why boys MUST spit/throw food? I have no idea what I will do when our old golden is not here-I call her my quicker picker upper, as in quicker than me.
Does anyone else think it's funny that my 2 year old can say "no time out" clear as a bell? Two is the age of rules around here, but this child will be the death of me, he flat out does not care what I think.
My son skinned his knee at 8am this morning, its 5pm and he is still limping around. He accidently hit his knee with his hand about an hour ago and he said, "or hitting your own knee which is already damaged" is this kid really four?
It appears to me my kids are having dry kix for dinner, since they helped themselves when I sat down to write this and are both on their second bowls. AIMING LOW!
This is me trying to tell my son a knock-knock joke today-at his request,

ME-knock knock

HIM-whose there

ME-banana

HIM-banana who?

ME-knock knock

HIM knock knock

ME no-you say whose there?

HIM whose there

ME banana

HIM whose there,

ME-no you say banana who?

HIM banana who, mom-you need to stop saying banana, say something about the banana-like banana slipped on a banana peel or something...

Apparently I can't even tell a joke right in this house, and my four year old must give me pointers!

a picture of embarrassment

2009-11-16T14:31:00.004-05:00

After writing such a heavy post yesterday, I figured I need something light today, I mean I want to be more honest in my blogging, but not looking to be a downer. As I went about my business this morning, feed kids, dress kids, drive oldest to preschool..it was sitting in the back of my mind. Something fun.. hmmmm....

Well I had no reason to stress!! Leave it to my four year old and his talent for embarrassing me! If you need a refresher check out the applebees trip , or the time we went to playground.

Today I picked him up from preschool I arrived a few minutes early and was waiting in the lobby. Will's teacher walked him by me to bring him to the bathroom. He said "Hi mom! I drew you a picture!" His teacher quickly interjected "Yes, he drew daddy making big muscles!" I laughed because Will is always talking about how strong his daddy is. He told me on the way back to the classroom he drew me and I am purple. I thought nothing of this.

I walked him out to the car and while I was waiting for him to put his straps on I looked at the stack of artwork I had been handed. Then I found this:

This is a picture of me and Will taking a nap together-which we did yesterday. Notice anything ummm distractingly large?

My heart stopped for a second while my brain digested what I was looking at.

I feel the need to clarify that I ALWAYS SLEEP WITH CLOTHES ON, also how thrilled I am to pay the amount of a car payment for this special kind of embarrassment. The picture of daddy by the way, had a nice little description on the bottom written by the teacher.

I wonder why there was nothing written on mine?

Awesome, I don't think I think I can show my face at that preschool...

searching for something

2009-11-15T22:51:00.003-05:00

I keep saying I want to be more honest in my blogging...so here it goes.

I need something. No, I can't elaborate as to what that might be, because I don't know..right this very second though I just want out. I need to clarify that. I am delighted to have what I have in life. A healthy family, a home, a job I'm good at.

My husband sometimes has these stretches at work that just require him to work everyday-according to him. I think that sometimes it is ok to say, listen I'm working 6 days a week, this one day I need to spend with my family. He says it about deadlines, and getting things done. I understand that. I'm ok with that, for a week or two. When it rolls into three and four weeks, as it is right now, I feel squeezed...I take care of the boys and house, I go to work, lather rinse repeat. I cannot count on my husband coming in to help at any particular time, I have no idea when to have supper ready. I can't just hold on until the weekends, as this very weekend was the long awaited weekend off. Except he still wasnt home. Had a peice of a side job he had to do yesterday, which ate up the entire afternoon to evening. Had to help his dad today which ate up the entire day 8-4. I do not object to him helping his family, they have helped us in more ways than I can count. I just sometimes wish the priority was to be with us, and not just to earn for us.

I don't want to give him a hard time, anyone who works 7 days a week is bound to be tired-and he is, but I can only suck it up for so long, and then top this week off with sick babies, and for some reason my kids are clinging to me, as in want to be touching me at all times lately-if I sit on the couch, two kids on my lap, if I go to bed, two kids want in bed with me, if I shower two kids at the door, If I go to the bathroom, two kids in the 3 ft x 3 ft bathroom, if I cook two kids between me the stove and the island. I know they are just missing their dad, and clinging to me more, I want to be there for them, I'm glad I am there for them, but good god could I have a breath? Or maybe just back up? A time frame when he will go back to a normal schedule?

I start to just want an escape-not away from my family forever but like an afternoon... I really need some new clothes, and a haircut, and an eyebrow/lip wax.

..and then I think of everything people do for me already-my babysitters when I work are our parents, that I cannot ask for one more thing. The last time I was feeling like this, I found an escape in exercising, in putting my kids in the little kid room and having an hour a few times a week...but now Ben just will not be left, and I cannot torture him for no reason, also swine flu, not really willing to expose them to anything I don't have to.

I know this will pass, we have done this before, but inside I'm screaming, it feels like a long unending shriek, that only I can hear, I need something...

sleep fail!

2009-11-14T10:31:00.002-05:00

Last night I attempted to go to bed early..but our kids had other plans. Ben was in bed with us again so I could keep an eye on him. We have a king, so it's no big deal to have a kid in bed with us, which is good since our four year old joins us fairly often. About an hour after we all fell asleep I woke up to Ben on my pillow because Will had decided to join us and was in his spot. That quickly turned itself into two sleepy boys annoying each other in the bed, and I was getting flat out beat up with flying arms and legs.

At one point I looked over to see my 6ft 220 lb husband balancing himself on the edge of the bed, so I grabbed our oldest by one leg and one arm and pulled him back to the center of the bed, and said-DAVE! gain some ground! Ben is literally throwing himself around trying to get comfortable and I'm getting baby arms and legs in the face. I keep trying to move him back towards the center of the bed, he is digging his heels into my back. Then Ben decided he wanted to get to the other side of me, but I was on the edge of the bed, and kept catching him (and being scared awake) as he threw himself over my body, towards the floor. Finally Ben got annoyed and threw himself toward the end of the bed to get out of the tangle of arms and legs. I remember being so mad that I started throwing stuffed pigs(yes we have three) around my room trying to create space for everyone.

Finally Will fell asleep enough that I could move him back to his bed, put Ben back between us and sleep a little. I'm beyond tired and Dave tells me that he got up at three am and came down to the couch to try to sleep, but didn't. I think all the members of this family will be sleeping in their own beds tonight, now excuse me, I need a nap.

sick kid+numb brain

2009-11-13T21:03:00.002-05:00

My brain is numb, I have taken care of whiney sick kids since last night and I have hit the point where I have medicated so many times that I can't remember what med I gave when if I don't write it down.

My oldest has been extra whiney and sleepy-I believe he is coming down with something, or fighting off something. Either way he is suddenly feeling extra needy and as soon as you get the baby-who IS sick off your lap, he jumps on looking for his cuddle time. What is super-fun though is when Ben is laying on me, and Will wants to cuddle too, and Ben starts wacking him on the head telling him to go away...apparently when you are two and sick you don't want to share your mama? We have a no hitting policy here, but am I supposed to put a sick baby in time out? I haven't, but the things you end up thinking about.

I should be receiving my new laptop keyboard any day now..not thrilled with the company we ordered from, as they are taking a lot of time to ship a part. Can't wait to have my laptop back.

housework and sick kids.

2009-11-12T23:05:00.002-05:00

Today started as a highly successful day, my sister came over to help wrangle the short people and we jumped into tasks that have been putting off around here for lack of another adult. I hate being interrupted when I finally decide to start something but that translates into I never start.

We folded and put away piles of laundry, pushed laundry through, decluttered, did dishes but as the day went on it became clear that Ben was not feeling well he woke up with a high temp from his nap.

After a trip to the md he probably has the flu and at the md's office had a temp of 104 with tylenol in him. He felt better after some motrin, and played a little before bed. We got him settled in our bed and I'm listening to my little boy and his daddy try to out snore each other. Tonight will be a long night of med dosing every three hours. Wish me luck.

my swine flu concerns with a lack of sleep thrown in

2009-11-11T13:05:00.005-05:00

Holy tired batman. For some reason I did not sleep last night, as in I was awake enough to register each passing hour and think of things I really should blog about.

Like when I rolled over in bed and found a little plastic key in my bed. That seemed pretty funny in the middle of the night.

Nothing kept me awake, I just was, luckily today is not a day I had to go anywhere, so I wasn't overly stressed about being awake, but now I'm in a head achy fog, just craving sleep. Forgive me if this isn't the most coherent post I have ever written.

I have been thinking, my sons are four and two. They have yet to receive their immunizations for the seasonal or swine flu. I have called my pede to get these things, but was told their names were on a list, and they would call me when they have it. I know that the smallest are hit the hardest, and working in a major hospital in our area, we see lots and lots of admissions to rule out swine flu. I know it's in the area and people are not able to be immunized, kids are slowly getting done now, I heard that inmates are getting immunized, but healthcare workers and sick people not so much.

So here is what I've been thinking about, if the swine flu does hit our area-(and based on how it's moving I have no reason to believe it won't) do I pull my son out of preschool? His preschool is in the YMCA. That is a whole lot of people going in and out of there, with nothing regulating how well they are, or aren't. Preschool is not required, it gives him a leg up, it gives me a break, he behaves better when he goes, but I'm not required to bring him.

My mom-one of my primary babysitters when I work, has an immune deficiency, so if my kids get sick-she does to. I don't want my children to be the reason my mom gets sick-and with a compromised immune system, that could get ugly.

Also the school district that the ymca is in has grouped all kids of the same age to certain schools by grade, so if one family is hit by swine flu, its going to be spread to several schools, as each child goes to a different school. We have lost some of the isolation of kids just going to a local school, an entire town would be effected.

What are you thinking? Will you pull your child out if it gets bad in your area?

throwing down the gauntlet

2009-11-10T16:49:00.012-05:00

I stopped by Aiming Low to read whatever was posted and I found this post by Tena. Go ahead and read it, I'll wait.

http://aiminglow.com/2009/11/new-rule-call-first/

Today I got a reply back from Tena. Here is a screen shot of the comments section-yes, for you I googled how to get a picture of your screen and followed the handy-dandy directions.

See now I started thinking about how that might be taken as a joke-see the floor. I live in a 1200 square foot house, and its a colonial, so you know 600 up 600 down. We have high ceilings and have remodeled to an open floor plan, so it doesn't *Feel* so small, but still seriously lacking floor space. It takes my boys no more than an afternoon to trash this place-and while I do clean it about once a day-so I can see the floor, it often looks like this:
x
x
x
x
x
x

Why yes, I do hang the boys coats on the curtain tie backs in front of the coat closet, much better than say opening the closet to get them. Also-why is the vaccum out? That belongs in the coat closet-not in the middle of floor. Oh and yes-we have four ride on toys, for inside the house-I know I only have two kids, but I often have more over..it works, it just does.

Please to notice all the random crap under the coffee table...I pick that stuff up every day and it keeps coming back!

Now for this last shot I am standing in my kitchen and the weird whitish thing on the right is the start of my kitchen cupboards, so this mess just rolls right on into my kitchen. It's fun.

Does anyone elses house end up looking like this EVERY. DAY. because really? I think I win.

If you can beat this-show me! I will be forever greatful and not feel like such a crappy housewife!

mommy moments and mean face

2009-11-09T19:59:00.003-05:00

My boys provide me with many random moments that I just want to suck in and remember forever. Tonight my Ben gave me one of those moments. Ben is two and has really been talking since august. This week he got a whole lot better at. Tonight I tucked him into his bed. He didn't want to go, and probably could have handled being up longer but his brother needed to go to sleep. I put him in bed and I was just outside his door and I hear him talking to himself...:

"will go sleep, dada go sleep...ben go sleep? NOOO! baba (his bottle) go sleep? NOOOO!"

When Will was a baby, he managed to get one color down-yellow-only he said yehyo. Soon after he decided that if a color was yehyo, than to color was to yehyo. For about a year when he wanted to color he asked to yehyo, and we loved it.

We are the kind of family that doesn't correct kids when they come up with their own expressions for things, because we figure-they will learn it sooner or later, enjoy it while it lasts.

Another Ben favorite of mine is when he wants me to go with him somewhere, he walks up to me and says "come-on-a-mommy-a" or "come-on-a-mama" everyone who hears this laughs and
says he's Italian? yup my little white redheaded half french part English, Portuguese, and Canadian french kid-big Italian accent!

Will used to tell us he had "gups in my mouf" when he had hiccups. And his first obsession? CAR-CAR! said just like that.

For the last two months Ben has been killing us with his mean face-it started when I was sitting next to him watching him arrange his facial features, furrow his brow, pout his lips, thinking very intently about what he was doing. I asked, are you making a mean face? Mean face was born. When he does it, his dad and I go "Ohhhhhhhhhh!! " In a growly voice. I managed to get a picture of it, and I joked with Dave 20 years from now we will see that picture and the two of us will growl-and our boys will think we are crazy. Want to see it?

love letter to my internet.

2009-11-08T21:57:00.002-05:00

ok nablopomo---you're kicking my ass. I just worked the weekend, my feet are tired and I really just want to crawl into my king sized bed with the fresh sheets next to my snoring husband...I will admit this-I have been resonably happy with what I have been able to post so far...but yeah nothing tonight, tough noogies. (is that how you spell nuggies? screw it it stays)

twitter-I love you..since my laptop has been broken I have spent far more time tweeting on my blackberry, and you have become the thing that gets me through the day-I'm not addicted, I can stop anytime I want. hey! those are the funniest people I know (or rather dont know at all) but I'm happy and entertained and that HAS to count for something. Right? Don't look at me like that. Oohhh wait, twitter, where are you going, baby..come back here. I need you. Just one tweet? A mention? You want me to make a list-I will not list-you can not make me..ok just one, for you..

blackberry-you have been elevated beyond laptop status-which is pretty damn high. You fall somewhere just below my children as you allow me to have my texts, and emails, and facebook, and twitter, with me where ever I go. I have to thank my friend shannon-who does not read my blog, for giving you to me...and changing my internet world.

HOSPITAL-the movie!

2009-11-07T21:38:00.003-05:00

Today at work would have made for a great action movie. It had it all, action, drama, romance, aggressive people, laughing with coworkers over silly things in the hallway...why has noone made this movie yet?

Scene one-dawdle in report because I would rather be talking to my coworkers than dealing with what I just read in report.

Scene two-go deal with the angry patient and wife- neither speak english

Scene three-attempt to pass meds, get stopped by a doctor who wants to talk to me on the phone...but not tell me what he wants to talk about.

Scene four-attempt to pass meds find out a long term patient lost a tooth-as in spit it out whole, attempt to get ahold of doctor to request dental care, get blown off (will get blown off about four more times by same doctor about same issue over course of shift)

Scene five-put a man on a stretcher for a test-and he refuses to go, meanly. Tell doctor. Put a lady on a stretcher for a test. She goes, nicely. Try to go back to passing meds.

Scene six-Get stopped by formerly angry man who still doesn't speak english for a cardiac issue, do bedside testing, call md, call interpretor. moniter and attempt to medicate- just then get pulled away by an intern insisting I have to come now, even after I explain what I'm doing with the patient whose room I'm in.
Walk to a patients room (who can roll himself,) so I can roll him so two doctors can look at his back, so let me get this straight, you need me to stop taking care of a patient with a cardiac issue so the four foot, eleven and half inch nurse can roll a patient for you, cause two men are not strong enough to do this themselves....

cutting way ahead to scene 12
discharge an elderly woman who while I watch gives her husband the sweetest most in love look I have ever seen. He gives it right back. I ask how long they have been married and she tells me 60 years. I ask how they have been married that long and still look at each other like that.
He laughs and says they have driven each other crazy plenty of times, she chimes in that they just try to remember to take a step back and usually it isnt a big deal. I want their marriage. More specifically I want my marriage to look like theirs 50 years from now.

scene 15
go check on a patient whose heart rate on the moniter has spiked.
He had walked to bathroom-with help, while waiting to help him back to bed, three doctors come running into the room, when I look at then like they are crazy they yell 230!!! That number is so high I start to puzzle about what the heck it means until I realize they mean heart rate! commence this guy could code on us at any time situation. In the end, he was fine. but that is a nifty little peice of knowledge we learned about him. For the record-highest heart rate I have ever seen in a patient.

scene 17
find out I am not doing a double, a half hour till the end of shift. Almost dance out of the hospital Im so happy, that first 12 hours was enough!

Aiming Low, aims high and throws an amazing party!

2009-11-06T23:04:00.005-05:00

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to attend the Aiming Low party in Boston. I'm still trying to figure out how I paid nothing for drinks, lobster ravioli-among other awesome food, and great company but shhhhh!! Don't tell them ok?

I was prepared to drive to Boston myself, but invited my friend Kim to come with me. Kim is not part of the blogging world, so had no idea what I was dragging her to. I promised her a party and night out, and sweetened the deal by arranging to meet up with an old coworker we are both friends with after for a drink.

It was a d*mn good thing I brought her as I got lost and her phone had a gps, highlight of trip is when we see the huge lit up glowing sign in the skyline and yell " We CAN get there from here!!"

We arrived at the party, ate our weight in lobster ravioli, attempted to have a drink-but those babies where strong, and I'm not a drinker!! I mean-well, I drink, but I'm not really a strong drink girl. mudslide anyone? Then moved to another room with all sorts of fun machines lining the walls.

We got to see some amazingly cute video's of each of the Aiming Low woman explaining how they aim low. That was it, I had found my people...how did I not know about them for so long?!

Lots of socializing, cool swag literally all over the place, lots and lots of office supplies on tables, and my favorite thing-the usb drives in the swag bags. I had dragged my laptop to boston as I could not locate my one and only usb.

Sadly I did not get to play with the printers, because although I had brought my laptop, literally moments before I left the house I had been using it to get directions. My 2 year old climbed up on my island and sprayed it with windex. I mean a lot, it was dripping, right into the keyboard. Once I was ready to print pictures, my laptop was not. It is still broken, but fixable and it will only cost 30.00, until then blogging from my husbands laptop.

I loved the touch computer screens-they looked like televisons, but had amazing touch screens-to be honest I have no idea what I would need that for, or how to use it, but it was fun to play with. Also fell in love with the hp mini's. I so want one!

Some photo's to prove I was there!

the fancy room:
my girlfriend kim

Katie from motherbumper:

anissa from freeanissa-speaking!

We had an amazing time, and my friend Kim loved meeting all these people, and won a 250.00 gift certificate to staples!

A side note, there were Aiming Low stickers on the tables and I placed one on my laptop. My husband is baffled why I would want a sticker that says Aiming Low. I explained that that is the name of the group who threw the party-he said-wouldn't they want to Aim High? I stopped trying to explain it, some people are just not going see life our way!

you never see it coming..

2009-11-05T19:05:00.004-05:00

I'm making an effort to not post just anything for nablopomo. I'd like to dive into tougher stuff than I usually do, or at least be amusing. I'm exhausted tonight, so I'll just go for the funny.

When you work in a hospital crazy things happen, things you could not have predicted when you walked into work that day, here are a few that stand out to me!

The time I had ants in patients room, many many ants and the nursing office refused to move the patient to a clean room next door to his as it was booked, and no place else to move him so hung up on me. Then wanted him to sit in the hallway for a few hours while they de-anted his room. (I sat him in the empty room to watch tv anyway)

The time a drunk woman was admitted but wanted to leave against medical advice. I was trying to keep her from disturbing other patients and keep her in room until md arrived to sign paperwork to let her leave. She was ranting in the hallway and said she was thirsty she wanted a drink. I offered her tea, coffee, gingerale, juice, milk or water. She sneered at me and said "I want a f*cking beer!!" To which I lost my patients and said. We don't have any fucking beer this is a hospital! (to this day I maintain hey-she went there first.)

The time a confused man was really really angry with me for remodeling his house without his permission, when I tried to reorient him I pointed out the city view out of the window. He was then really really angry I had not only remodeled, but moved his house as well.

The time a confused lady had me staring at the ceiling with her while she insisted there were dishes up there.

The time I watched a man slap my friend and coworker-a fellow nurse across the face, he was confused and when he had cleared up the next day he apologized to her. She was bent over his bed adjusting something and he knocked her glasses off her face. Listen I felt bad, and it was not appropriate, but how do you not laugh-at least once you are out of the room together.

The lady who insisted she was not a patient, she had come to visit a patient and now we were confused and keeping her, the argument that she was wearing a johnny, a hospital bracelet and sitting in a hospital bed, did not convince her.

and yesterday...when something that looked a whole lot like poop-although I was told by the plumber it was not, came up out of the drains of two sinks and splashed on the walls. In my job, you never really know what you are going to get!

Things my kids have done in the last week.

2009-11-04T21:42:00.005-05:00

Will, my four year old, hid his bathing suit on friday instead of putting it on. He did not want to swim because the life guards tell him what to do, and he doesnt like being told what to do. Then he told me he didn't remember where he hid it. I sent him to time out until he remembered. He finally "remembered" that he threw it down the basement stairs I sent him to get it. He came up with a toy "for ben" that we had put down there because it was loud and obnoxious. Later he tells me the bathing suit was under the stove..so the little side trip to the basement was a con...awesome.

Ben has pushed a stool from the island up to the counter, and is shoving his little hand into the sugar bowl and sucking his fingers. When I take him off the stool he says "moa suga peese!" I tell him no more sugar, he gets more insistant, "MOA SUGA PEESE!!" repeat until Ben is in time out as he won't stop pushing the stool up to the counter.

I find Ben in the upstairs bathroom all drawers/doors in cabinet open, screwdrivers he got out of cabinet lined up sticking out of baseboard heater. The tub is blasting cold water and he has a little cup tub toy and is flinging water all over the floor.

Ben again-yup going for the sugar, but instead finds the clorox clean up I put on top of the counter in the corner to get it away from him. Sitting and spraying it all over his clothes and floor. yeah he ruined those clothes.

and yes..Ben again, this time I hear splashing from the downstairs bathroom. I find him using my toilet brush "cleaning" the toilet. I tell him he needs to get out of the bathroom he says "no thank you! and goes right back to splashing.

What I did last summer.

2009-11-03T19:31:00.000-05:00

I officiallly have been married 9 years as of last august. My husband and I have known each other forever, you see he started as my brothers best friend. They were 12 and in boyscouts, and Andy (my brother) and Dave (my husband) became fast friends. There were years and years of sleep overs, and hanging out at our house. Dave has been in our family so long that I don"t remember meeting him, he was always just there. My point is? we have HISTORY. He was always just part of the family.

When we fell in love there were no questions. This was just it. I could not possibly see my life without him in it. I still can't. We fit, in a way I can't explain. He is my rock. He always has my back. He loves me for me, and really isn't interested in me trying to look good, dress nice or wear makeup-which come to find out is a good thing, since I spend my days home with the kids with my hair in a ponytail most days.

You slowly add things like careers, mortgages, more people, car payments, bills, pets. Then those kids get older and need more things, like clothes every season, preschool, lord knows what comes after 4 1/2. Life becomes about the kids and what they need. Everything else gets pushed to the side, including spending any time together, both parties are tired and slowly get frustrated with their role.

Nothing bad happens, over time you just turn your attention away from each other.

Go to work, come home, eat dinner put kids to bed, fall asleep right after they do-for him. For me up all day with the boys, run them around, do errands, make food, clean up food, clean up house, do laundry pay bills., play dates, make more food, clean up food, clean up house, stay up way to late at night because finally noone is asking me for anything. Except on the days I work. Then I am gone for the entire day...and he picks them up on his way home from work to do bedtime on his own-his mom always feeds them.

You get into this pattern of busy, if I get overtime I'm out of the house from 6 am to 12:30am. He often works late and picks up side work for his company so will work after work and on weekends. Right now we are in a one of those runs. When it is over he will have worked 21 days straight. He gets tired he gets cranky, more falls on me since he is not here, I get cranky. When he is cranky he is snippy, but not just average snippy, mean snippy. Then we fight. The boys notice he is gone and start to crave him, he comes in and they climb all over him, DADDY!! DADDY!!

The fact is that this man is doing every possible thing he can for this family. He works through back pain, he works days and days with no days off. It's hard to hold together a marriage, a relationship, hell, a friendship when no one has time to talk. When everyone gets resentful and feels under appreciated. When you are staring at days stretched ahead of you until when? When does this routine change? When do we have time for us to be us?

Things got strained, there was talking and crying and more talking. When your wife is sitting you down and telling you that I will be your wife I'm not going anywhere, but I want to be friends again, and if he could not be my friend than ok, I can make friends, but it was up to him. I married him because we were friends. We needed nothing more than each other to be entertained, we are more than happy to sit together in our house and hang out, watch tv, play with the kids. We live very simply.

For a while there was wondering, what if this doesnt turn around? What do I want to do? My answer surprised me, but I knew it was the right one. Even if things didn't get better, I cannot imagine my life without him. Good, bad or come what may, I need this man in my life.

Fortunately things came around, he heard me, I'm trying to correct the one thing that is super important to him, he is more present, back to the guy I married. What is amazing to me though is how quietly it all built up, how bad it got, and how talking to each other brought us right back to being us, together. I think this has put us back on the right path, but I'm paying attention to make sure.

TRIO review

2009-11-02T09:57:00.005-05:00

My son recieved a trio building set from the nice people at bsmmedia.com. I recieved an email looking for boys 4-7 and thought well I have a four year old. I answered the emailand I got a reply literally within minutes, confirming that I would be receiving one in the mail. It came pretty quickly and although I wanted to give it to my son right away we were pretty busy and he was already tired, so I figured it would be better to wait for a quiet moment when his little brother was not around to distract him.

When that moment finally arrived, I pulled out the Trio building system and set him up on our kitchen island. He was excited to play with it upon seeing it. To describe the set, it's kind of a cross between Legos and Kid Knex. Kid Knex are a hit around here as they let you build well, whatever your imagination can come up with, with lots of plastic sticks and funny shapes. This kit has the sticks and connectors mixed in with blocks of different sizes so it goes where a Lego does not. In the set we recieved we had a car that pops off of its wheels so the wheels can be built on, a few panel pieces, a roof peice, a propellor, a little man. straight and curved stick/bar peices. All of course in bright fun to look at colors. It all came in a red plastic container that holds the set, and the lid is a yellow plastic grid to use as a base to build on.

At first I gave him no instruction. He emptied it out and figured out he could build on the base pretty quickly on his own. One thing to be aware of, a new set is pretty tough to click together and take apart. When I saw him struggling to click the bricks together I stepped in and helped, thinking he just did not understand what he was supposed to do, but no, it was the amount of force needed to push them together. I am happy to report that is no longer a issue once you play with them for a while. They now click together easily and hold together just fine. So here a few pics of him playing with it.

This toy has now been in my home about two months and I can honestly report it has recieved daily play. It is always out in my living room and I have been impressed and surprised by what he has been able to put together. Everything from very tall buildings, to fences, to vehicles thanks to the the car with the removable top, and honestly what little boy doesn't love a propellor?

My younger son Ben is just 2 years old, and he plays with it just as often as his big brother does. He does not have the skills to build the creations his brother can, but he has a great time clicking things together. We have lots of kids that come and play here, in this same 2-5 age group both girls and boys, and I have also noticed that they seem to gravitate towards it. Every single one has hopped right in and had a great time with it. No child who has been in my house since we have recieved it has walked by it and not picked it up to play with.

Ok so what didn't I like? Not much to be honest. I was a little concerned with how frustrated he got when we first opened it with the blocks requiring so much force to click together. My son is likely to just chuck the whole thing aside and never look at it again if it frustrates him. In this case he kept at it and once the blocks had recieved some play they click together much more easily, but also still hold together well, so he can build BIG! We definately could use more of them though, because he runs out of bricks before he runs out of ideas, and has to stop when he isn't ready to, and start over. The lid to the container it comes in just sits on top of the box, it does not latch at all. so if the container is knocked, or pulled over they all spill out. I'm torn between wishing the lid latched in some way so they did not dump it when they are trying to move it, and being glad that they have such easy access when they want to play.

I asked my son before sitting down to write what he thought of this toy, he says that "It's awesome. I can take it out of the box and build whatever I think of. " He also said "The other blocks fall apart, but these stay, so I can.. " and then gestured big with his arms. I asked if he wanted anymore blocks like these and he said "YES!" We looked at the website and he is now asking for the constructions set and the firehouse set. He reasons that one can be for Ben and one for him. I told him Santa is coming. In all honesty, this set is such a hit that I will buy both for christmas. A toy I already know my kids love? Sold.

The best part though? The kind people who gave this toy to my boys, are willing to give another one to one of you! Leave me comment, with a way for me to contact you, and one person will be selected at random. I will leave this open until midnight on Thursday. Friday I will use a randomizer to select a winner, and post it.

nablopomo!

2009-11-01T20:59:00.003-05:00

Why can't I let a November go by and not participate? I have no idea, but it calls to me, and I love the commitment of it. So I will sign up, because I need to, because I want to.

Just for your entertainment-my husband is sitting about a foot away from me asking "are you done yet?" I told him this is not conducive to the writing process.

Also-my laptop is broken, as in my adorable two year old baby sprayed it with cleaning solution. I mean till it was dripping wet. The fact that I was going to the aiming low Boston party that very night apparently was lost on him. I was bringing my laptop since it had all my pictures on it, and I lost my one and only USB. Thanks aiming low for providing with a new one for me later that night.

I'm announcing that I'm in, I have only succesfully completed one Nablopomo, one year I tried and failed, one year I tried and finished, one year I forgot it existed-but ya know, I was in the middle of newborn with breastfeeding problems, so probably better. No one would want to read a month of -wow my nipples hurt, and this kids prefers one breast over the other...

We are enjoying a very nice fall so far in new england, since summer was kind of not... I will show you some of our fall pics.

Those faces right there? The reason I don't run screaming for the hills!!

I'm a crappy housewife.

2009-10-08T15:46:00.003-04:00

I am a crappy housewife. Before I was anyone's wife I was a crappy housewife, but I was too naive at the time to understand that. I thought that somehow keeping a house clean, raising kids, paying bills was something magical that just got turned on like a switch once you were a mom and wife. I was also sure I would be excellent at it. The thing is I was viewing the world through teenage-colored glasses and figured if my mom could do it I obviously could do it better.

Wow, was I wrong!

The basic fault with my plan was, well, me...while I prefer things clean and tidy, and I posses the skills needed to perform those tasks..I just don't care that much. I will clean, I do clean...but its not like a task I just dislike, its a task I HATE! As in when I do it, I run around here grumbling and complaining and making idol threats to the small people who make the majority of the mess.
Since I loathe this task as much as I do, I'm only willing to do it, saaayyy-once a day. If you read my blog-(and why would you since I don't seem to write posts anymore) you know I have two boys-who trash this place every few hours.

Don't get me wrong, there is a basic level of cleanliness, I always clean the bathroom when people come over...I have a four year old boy who goes potty by himself-I pretty much have to. Since we are a popular gathering place for friends and family, it gets done fairly often. Same goes with vaccuming the floors- since I have a huge shedding golden retriever. I do dishes at least once a day since I always have a need for dishes to eat off of and sippy cups to drink from...and laundry, well taking your kid to preschool just works better if he has clean clothes on his back. I will not pretend they are ironed...but I don't put on the ones that are really wrinkled!

My husband grew up with a supermom-she worked her 40 hours a week, kept the house pin clean, totally organized, served homemade meals with homemade desserts. every. day. Her entire life was her house and children...I am not being the least bit sarcastic when I say..that woman is better than me. My husband knew what he was getting into when he married me, we lived together for years before we were married, and lets just say how we live now is a vast improvement...but he wishes for more. He honestly expects more, but deep down he knows..he isn't ever going to get the house he grew up in. (which-funny-is the house we live in-we bought it from his parents)

I'm not willing to do that. I do what needs to be done, but I insist on having a life too. I'm done worrying about other peoples goals and expectations-particularly when I know those same people are not really ever going to be pleased. I have kids to take care of, I have a marriage to keep together and on the right path, I have a stressful job-even if I work part time, I have commitments to friends and family...if my house isn't clean I just remember that someday, these boys will be gone, things will stay where I put them, less people will track dirt through here, and dirty my bathrooms, use my dishes...until then, welcome to my chaos-help yourself to a drink, watch my tv, use my laptop, and put your feet on the hand me down-coffee table. I'm doing this my way.

2009-10-08T15:44:00.001-04:00

Test post from cell phone

overheard in my living room

2009-09-23T07:41:00.003-04:00

In the land of boys, 4 is a whole new world.

Just overheard in my living room:

My son burps loudly, and thinks he is hysterical, but that is followed by loudly passing gas. once he collects himself enough to speak, he looks at me and says...."When I looked at you after I pooped (our word for fart-cause really, not a cute word when coming from small children) your face-that was incredible!" me-"when did you learn to use the word incredible?, who taught you that? him- "me?"

That was followed by removing the cushions from the couch, when I said, "Hey! What are you doing!" he said "We want to jump like 2 little monkeys." I said, "What happened to the little monkeys that jumped on the bed?" he says matter of factly-"bumped their heads." i asked how he missed the point of that story-it was supposed to tell kids if they jumped on things they were going to bump their heads, he laughed, while still removing cushions...

After watching me get him a lollipop the other day "ahhhh, now I know where you keep them."

Four-cracks me up, when it isn't whining at me!

shred me (or i shred myself)

2009-07-30T08:53:00.004-04:00

So I have decided to become a shred-head. The thing is people have been commenting on my weight loss lately, and I haven't been doing anything in particular, just smaller portions, less snacks, more coffee. Honestly that is it. What has been bothering me though is my butt, back, legs have gotten noticeably smaller, my jaw line has more definition, but this two c-section stomach, not going anywhere anytime soon. I can pull on some of my old size 16 jeans, but zipping and buttoning not so much an option even if they look great on my butt. I'm also really short 4' 11" so a little weight ends up making a big difference in sizes. (since you know it only has so many places to go!) People are usually surprised when they hear how much I weigh, and a few poor people have tried to pick me up just to be surprised how heavy I am.

And no, I'm not telling you! Or taking before and after pics thanks!

So I saw the shredhead blog before, and read a few things and saw that involved lots of sweating and pain, things I have avoided most of my life. I thought how admirable it was for these people to do this for themselves, but not for me thanks. I saw a tweet about starting a new group in august and it just seemed right, and I could have a buddy? I so need a buddy!

It isn't officially august yet but I went ahead and checked my on demand from verizon, and what do you know part one of the shred is there! I know you need three pound weights, but I don't know where in this house I have three pound weights. So I decided to use my 10's. I knew that was going to be rough, but I have kids, and they were happy playing upstairs right at that moment-so I just went for it. (I also have to work this weekend, so figured starting a day early was a good idea, as I probably will not be doing this on sat or sun)

So here is my breakdown for the first day:
Holy shit!
I did ok for the first 5-10 minutes, by the 10 minute mark I was red faced, breathing hard and frustrated. Then my kids came into the living room, got in the way, asked me for stuff, and took my weights-(which freaked me out cause far to heavy for a four year old. ) I got annoyed sent out a tweet that reflected my frustration. The boys magically cleared out of the living room when I stopped exercising, so I snuck back in and finished the video as best as I could.

What I really liked about the video was Jillian, she was encouraging but tough at the same time. And while she was in my living room, (what she doesn't step out of the tv at your house?) I agreed that I wasn't going to get abs doing nothing, so I did a few more. Honestly I think she hypontized me with her rockin bod! The 10 lb weights were way to much, but I have used weights before, so I started the weights each time, and when I knew I was done I put them down and kept doing the exercise.

At this point I am feeling proud that I attempted it even though it was a very poor showing! I am going to do this, although it may take me more than thirty days to get through! I am not holding myself to doing it on workdays, I work 12-16 hour shifts, and I already have to get up at 5 to get to work on time. If I do work the 16 hour shift I usually end up getting to bed around 1am. that is just too many hours to be awake to try to fit in Jillian!

Here we go, jumping on the bandwagon!

rethinking my writing

2009-07-28T15:48:00.002-04:00

After thinking yesterday that maybe I will be able to attend blogher in 2010, I started thinking about my blog and the poor quality and quantity of writing here. The truth is I have been holding back here because I know that friends and family do check in here sometimes. I have learned a lot about myself in my blogging journey, it is easy to put up a cute post or video about my kids and their never ending sillyness and love of life. It is harder to write about what is really going on your head, good, bad and ugly, or maybe just a little off color!

My blog needs to grow and change as I have grown and changed, and I very much have since I started blogging, but I hesitate to say too much, to offend, to complain. Who wants to read that? What if I hurt feelings? How far am I willing to go really?

I read the liveblog-blogging as storytelling. I have stories, lots of stories, but they are heavy, and hard, and not just mine. I struggle with how much it is ok to write, but it seems to me that the bloggers I love to read, the ones I check daily, are the ones who can put it all out there, and do. I have tried to stick to safe writing, but safe is not the same as interesting or real.

I think I will take this year 7/2009-8/2010 and develop my blog into a more accurate reflection of me, not just the mommy me, but the nurse me and the bargin hunter me, and the wife me, and the woman me. We are all in here, and all these sides of me need and deserve some expressing. At some point I think most woman just go screw it, this is me, like it or not, cause I am ok with me.

Yeah, I'm there.

poor spelling and punctuation, but at least I posted something!

2009-07-27T17:14:00.005-04:00

I am reading posts from all over the blog-o-sphere, about blogher, and for the third year I am shoving aside feelings of just plain old disappointed that I missed it. For the third year in a row, I am telling myself that maybe next year I will be able to attend-it does not hurt at all that it looks like it is supposed to be in new york which is a very short flight, a train ride, or a car trip away. maybe next year, the boys will be a little older, maybe I will be able to pull it off!

Also sick with some god awful virus, so officially doing as little as possible today, but the boys have been really good all day-have either been chilling on the couch or the deck while they played. honestly for a sick mom day this wasn't so bad. now if i could only get rid of the killer headache and bodyaches!

I am amazed with my boys lately, Will is growing into a very kind boy who takes good care of his brother-and is getting much better at following direction, although he is fresh-working on it, working on it. Ben is freaking me out how smart he is. he is now speaking in little two or three word sentences. he seems to know things without being told or shown. and if shown something once, he knows how to do it. so different than his worry-wart older brother who needs to be shown things hand over hand or he just wanders off and stops paying attention.

We did a long awaited home improvement project this weekend, we were given some stools for our island that were sturdy if ugly.

Four years later we finally did something about it!

before:

after:

.... and yes my house is always messy! Did you spot the flea market purse hanging on the chair? love that bag-cheap too! So yes we got rid of the god awful brown fabric that absorbed everything spilled on it, and put on some nice wipeable neutral vinyl-that little project took most of a day sanding, pulling staples, painting, recovering, but we now have three very nice looking stools!

Ok time to cook! Supper apparently does not make itself, damn.

can't touch this!

2009-07-17T18:59:00.006-04:00

Finishing day 7 of single parenthood....hopefully to be ended sometime this weekend. Dave is on an extended side job and has only been here to sleep and shower lately. So I have had to get creative with filling the time-thanking god this was wills first camp week, and also beautiful weather so they could play outside!! Also thanking god that he is not in camp next week, cause man am I tired of all this running around. Maybe i should just homeschool....I cant imagine how bad this will stink when I have to take one to preschool and the other to school school. ugh, just ugh. Wait no-that would never work, he doesnt listen to me now!

So while I look the fact that I have to work the weekend and somehow get this place clean and bills paid tonight-a follow up to that little video in my last post

This song came on as a commercial, that I had to rewind a few times since they liked it so much.
My boys-they like the music!

also remember this?

here is bens version:

the boys rocking out

2009-07-03T11:56:00.003-04:00

sorry it turns sideways! sometimes i forget i'm not taking a picture!

why yes that is my sons rocking out to nickelback, why is "something in your mouth" an inappropriate song choice? really i'm a good mom, honest!

oh damn-probably going to hell!

still on the internet-but now with more boob!

2009-06-24T09:39:00.007-04:00

ok, so i wasn't going to post about it, I was going to do it, just for fun, and let it go at that, but now suddenly i'm feeling, competitive, and brave, and you know..competitive.

i was on twitter the other day, when i came across this tweet that was announcing that bewbfest 09 was still open for entries, and today was the last the day. I thought about for a split second and new i wanted in! of all things that i have going for me, well, the boobs are good!

you can vote once a day for your top three, and voting is open until june 30th.

http://sarcasticmom.com/bewb-fest-09/

inspired

2009-05-19T11:08:00.005-04:00

Wow have i missed this blog-it is a good sign when you are craving blogging right?

We are having an beautiful spring day here, with no real commitments or to do's, just enjoying the day and getting centered! I think I have been missing that-the getting centered-breathing, thinking, and I find I cannot write when I cannot think. Thanking God for spring and bright sunny days right now, cause lord knows I needed for my very active children to be able to go outside and play.

I am not a winter person, and in my part of new england-winter can be very long and dark-starting in oct and ending around april-but when I sit (like I am now) on my new to us couch, (love it when it is free-exactly fits your needs and though 8 yrs old still in very good shape-and miraculously blends with the decor!) and listen to nothing but my children playing happily in the backyard, my fingers on the keyboard, the birds chirping, and my windchimes, with the doors wide open so the house is full of sunshine and spring breezes, I feel renewed and inspired.

Me and the boys a few weeks ago enjoying a new england day!

do you like my new blog look? I got the background free here:
http://www.sashwhystudio.com/free-templates/, I love it I think it looks fresh and springy!

they have about 10 free backgrounds to choose from, makes me want to do more!

new pictures!

2009-04-01T14:01:00.007-04:00

Sometimes we moms' just have crazy days, and this was one of them!

The highlights include:

being woken up four times last night by the boys-for the first time in a long time-I felt like I was breastfeeding again!
Doing some shopping for Will's 4th birthday party-how is this kid 4? (and lord help me I hope 4 is better than 3, cause 3 was rough!)
Watching some little girls I know so their dad could change a flat tire and drive them home
Being pulled over in my own driveway,
Hosting a play group at my house, and
Going to the in-laws for dinner.

Capped off by Will falling out of bed, and not even waking up. I mean that kid was gone, if the sudden stop on the hard wood floor didnt wake him up, nothing will! When I put him back to bed I told him I love him, he mumbled, all sleepy, I love you mommy. I'll take it!

So since my laptop has had some memory issues, I haven't been able to post any new pictures in a long time. I've taken over my husbands laptop, and here are the boys!

being silly, with an egg on his head from school!

messy Ben, enjoying his lunch.

me and my baby-not a great picture of me, but what are you going to do?

the boys all cuddled up

Ben shows us where the light is!

Will ice fishing! He said he was never going to walk on that ice again once he got home!

Bath time!

happy baby

happy big brother!

silly boys

Will

some stuff

2009-03-25T11:44:00.003-04:00

I'm avoiding my housework today. My sister in law volunteered my house for a playdate between my sons and her neice on her husbands side. They are nice people but I have a headcold, and my house is trashed. I have fully medicated myself and feel better than sludge, but really dont want to clean-its ok though, i have about 2 hours left. I'm most effective when I'm running behind!

I ditched my dentist yesteday. I have been going to this practice since I lived at home with my parents. For years now I have been getting nothing but attitude from them. I thought it was me, but when I talked to my husband he said the same thing. We both have appts with a new dentist that came highly referred. Someone else can bill my dental coverage, why did I wait so long to switch?

Ben is talking! One word here or there, but they are real words. We are very excited, so much better than whine and point-which is his primary form of communication.

Will is 4 in about 3 weeks. We have seen so much more maturity from him lately. He is playing with Ben so nicely and trying to take care of him more.
-Yeah as I typed that I looked up to watch him slap Ben on the head. Which brings me to my next point, we have been having A LOT of time outs. You know the half hour long, when you settle down you can get up variety? fun, fun.

Will this week has started to refuse naps-oh he will go to bed, but then he just fools around for a while and comes back down. So he is also super cranky, thus more time outs. Can't make him sleep, I can put him back to bed over and over, but I can't make him close his eyes and sleep. No matter how badly he needs it. so yesterday was day 5 of no nap-He said he was tired just now, I tucked him into my bed, we shall see what happens.

Due to 5 days in a row of no nap-and my having to work tomorrow, and him being extra cranky-i kept him home from preschool today, I do feel a little guilty about it, but I think it is in his best interests to have a quiet day today so maybe he will behave better for my mom tomorrow. The last time went badly.

yesterday we had a long time out cause he would not help me clean up the toys-he never has helped me, but again-almost 4. His trick is to refuse to help, which buys him a time out, and then he tantrums. In the meantime I've done all the cleaning. I'm so on to him. So yesterday I left the mess, and informed him he was staying in time out until he was ready to help. It worked. and he did a good job. But at one point when he was by himself I heard him mutter to himself in a cranky voice "Fider fighters don't pick up their toys, and I'm a fider fighter." I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud-that is a classic William moment!

That is about it for now!

you're not really a parent until...

2009-03-13T10:20:00.002-04:00

This morning I was battling my one year old, he ran into the 3x3 bathroom (i'm so no kidding it is that small) after me- wanting to brush his teeth. As I informed him that it was time to leave the bathroom (read-picked him up and moved him) he got mad and started howling, As I carried his heavy little butt out of the bathroom I remembered a story about a toothbrush, something his brother did about his age, which got me thinking about all the crazy things kids do that really make you a parent.

Oh sure, there are the obvious ones, getting up every two hours, having an infant just plain not go to sleep, trying to figure out breastfeeding, dealing with sick kids. But as a mom of an almost 4 year old(can someone please explain how that happened) and a one year old, I have learned there is more to it than that. That is the stuff I expected to happen. It's the stuff I never saw coming that makes for the best stories!

I set out every day with the intentions to be a good mom. I love my kids and I want them to be safe. My mom has a little plaque hanging on her wall, she has had it since I was kid, and I hated it then. Now it is extremely funny. It says "I could be a perfect parent if it weren't for my kids."

So here is my list of things that only happens to you if you have children:

1) You walk into the bathroom to find your child standing on a stool, using your toothbrush-not on his teeth however-to vigourously scrub out those little drain holes in the sink!

2) Your son pees on your bed-twice in about two hours. The first time was an accident, but apparently he liked your reaction. So he climbs back up and pees on it again, after you had already stripped it. In the phone call to your mom that follows to ask how to get urine out of a pillow top mattress, she says-"Alison, why didn't you have a mattress cover on it" to which the only answer you can come up with is-"I did-the first time he peed on it!"

3) During the let him walk around naked so he will learn to use the potty "trial" period, he poops on the floor, then finger paints with it all over the kitchen cupboards and the china hutch.

4) The applebee's trip http://ali-rnmom.blogspot.com/2008/08/im-not-supposed-to-actually-kill-him.html

5) The time I woke up in my bed wondering what was different, to slowly come to realize that I was soaked with urine, and in a place where I could not have possibly soaked myself.

6) The other time I woke up soaked-but at least I knew what had happened that time.

7) The time I went upstairs to find the entire bathroom covered in shaving cream. I'm not exagerating-he actually stood on the toilet tank and covered the wall about four feet up, the entire toilet, sink, floor, toilet paper holder, towel bar. It was a sight to behold-unfortunately I did not get a picture, I was too busy cleaning it up before his father saw it-it had been a rough afternoon and I was worried for his life. (No my husband would not have killed him-but let me just tell you, that day was bad-and that would just have been icing on the cake!)

8) The playground trip http://ali-rnmom.blogspot.com/2008/10/and-just-when-i-thought-nothing-would.html

9) The time I opened my cupboard under the sink to find my toothbrush nestled right up to the garbage can.

10) When me and another parent were silly enough to comment out loud, that it was nice the kids were big enough now to go upstairs and play, to find they had gotten into the bath crayons and colored all over the upstairs hallway, drawn 12 inch lines all the way down the stairs about a foot apart, and after we got over that surprise, realized his daughter was soaked. Upon further questioning, they got into the sink, and then climbed on top of it to get to cupboard where I kept the bath crayons so he would not get into them.

11) The time I came home from work to find a video my husband and neighbor had taken of my one year old child (my only child at the time) climbing the ladder himself unsteadily, and then going head first down the 10 ft slide in our backyard.

12) Your three year old son picking a new tampon out of your purse and saying "mom, I don't know what this is!"

13) When my one year old escaped out of the preschool room during a party for my older sons class, and a kind woman who happened to know he was mine brought him back. In my defense my mom had just walked out that door, and I thought she had taken Ben with her, but I had just figured out he was missing when he was brought back in.

14) The time I was in a very small consignment shop with Ben and I put him down at my feet so I could look at a high rack. I gave him my purse to empty and he was very happy, until I looked down and found he wasn't at my feet. In a very short period of time he had crawled about 10 feet, unfortunately it was out the propped open door of the shop and he was sitting on the sidewalk. There is a reason we have given this child the nickname ES-CA-PE! (say it like Dory does in Finding Nemo)

15) what about you? Have any good ones?

I'm just not ready to give this up yet....

2009-03-04T07:07:00.003-05:00

I'm having a hard time finding a balance between all things that demand my attention. It seems that when my real life gets real-when my kids are good and sick, over and over again, when big scary things happen in my family my writing just dries up. I actually find it to be something interesting about myself I never really knew or thought about. Apparently I go inward. Some of it is just too personal to write, or I cant write what others confide in me, at lately there has been a whole bunch of confiding.

But what it comes back to really, is I like my blog. I always have liked my blog, even if I have probably killed whatever readership I had by the massive break I have been on, I don't want to stop blogging. I have also been reading other blogs but just stopped commenting.

I'm going to work on having a blog-and having something worth reading up here-and tending to my life, because after all-I think this is fun, I like the outlet, I like making friends. All too often I give up on the things I like to make room for other things, and how much time does it take to write a blog post? Well, that depends on the blog post-these stream of conciousness ones are pretty easy...

So I guess I'm feeling kind of "cheaty monkey" (http://cheatymonkey.com/), I want it all and I want some balance. I want to be productive at home, I want to save money using coupons, I want to take care of my kids, I want to still be me. Have mothers always felt like this? Or did they just give up everything that made them who they are-and do "good mom" until their kids are gone?

I don't know, but my blog is part of me, so I'll keep at it. I'm hoping someone is out there reading along, but if not, it's still my place to be me. That is a good thing.

once upon a time

2009-02-01T14:47:00.002-05:00

once upon a time a girl had a blog.

She loved her blog-she recorded her lfe, vented frustations, displayed her children for all the world to see.

Then things just seemed to enter a busy go go go pace, she started using coupons, which is time consuming but so worth it, her baby became a walker-so now two boys trashed the house and demanded food. The holidays came, and as usual they were crazy, shopping, looking for good deals, wrapping, visiting. The kids just kept getting sick, and the oldest stopped attending preschool the full three half days a week just before christmas and hasnt made it back a full week since.

The girl wants to use her blog-if only she could think of something to write about.

But I'll be around.

Hope for 2009

2009-01-18T19:25:00.003-05:00

Most new years for me start with a feeling of promise. The hope for good things to come, for my kids to grow and be well, for our families to be safe. This year is different. I'm worried about our economy, and the financial well being of our friends and families.

I have a sister who is a newly single mother to a two year old girl. I have a mother in law who was recently laid off from a position she held for almost 30 years. I have a husband and two brothers in the construction industry, at a time when people are not taking or getting loans to build houses or for home improvement. I'm worried.

I for one have started using coupons almost exclusively, and I'm doing my best to teach others what I have learned. I also came across a program called Angel Food Ministries that is run through a group of churches that allows you to purchase food at much reduced costs. They buy in bulk like a food warehouse would but the overhead is very low because it runs on volunteer work. Go here and put in your zipcode to find if there is a host site near you, the prices will shock you! http://www.angelfoodministries.com/menu_0901en.asp

I guess what I am doing then is learning how to save money on what my family needs, and showing others how to do it. I strongly believe in donating uneeded items, and if we don't have money to give-and lots of times we don't-we try to give time instead.

Everyone I know is in the same boat, we are living on what we make, and doing the best we can. I think we need to be aware of our neighbors, extend a hand where needed, and share anything we are doing to get by. I learned early that if we stick together we can get through anything, and we as a nation need to.

I have hope for 2009, it is the hope that maybe hard times will teach us a lesson we used to know. What the word community means, where the phrase' it takes a village to raise a child' came from. Helping someone without being asked, and having the ability to accept that help, so maybe you will do the same for someone else. Maybe we will come out of this a better country.

Quaker Oats is doing some good too! Go to this link for more info: http://www.startwithsubstance.com/

“This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by The Quaker Oats Company.”For more info about this blog blast hosted by Parents Bloggers Network go to this link:http://blog.parentbloggers.com/

this is the job i wanted part 2

2009-01-07T10:06:00.002-05:00

double pink eye in a 3yr old who also has double ear infections and freaks out when he needs his meds sucks

pink eye in his little brother with a doctors appt in an hour on wet, icy, slushy day sucks worse!

in other news-kids are in very high spirits and making me just as crazy as usual-wouldn't know they were sick if it wasn't for the leaky eyes and frequent meds!

yup and this is the job i wanted!

2009-01-06T07:52:00.002-05:00

So pink eye sucks.

Pink eye in a three year old sucks.

Double pink eye in a three year old sucks.

Double pink eye in three year old, coupled with double ear infections in same said three year old sucks.

Double pink eye in a three year old, coupled with double ear infections in same said three year old sucks when that child refuses to take any of his medicine without being held down and kicking and screaming, followed by a half hour of whining and crying and distracting that child.

FIVE TIMES A DAY!!!

wow this parenthood job rocks!

My big, messy self-indulgant rant

2008-12-11T20:55:00.003-05:00

We are coming to the end of another crazy busy week, and I'm drained. But it is only thursday night and it's looking like no down time till sunday.

Sunday we had a family day, did a bunch of laundry-we were all wiped from the previous week but were able to spend the day at home, we got the tree up and lights on, and that is how it has been all week.

On Monday Will had preschool, and my mom was kind enough to bring him there and back since she was going to the Ymca anyway. It was an amazing morning of playing with Ben, getting my laundry folded, pushing the laundry through, puttering around the house. I love to putter. Work on projects at a slow pace and not be stopped 75 million times. Dave called at the end of the day to say he wasn't coming home till late, but didn't know how late. So no tree decorating, instead feed the boys and get them ready for bed myself.

On tuesday I could see Will was bouncing off the walls as soon as he got out of bed, so I invited some friends over who have kids the same age as mine. they played, I cooked lunch, stayed till one, the boys took naps, dave called at the end of the day again to say he was coming in late, but didn't know how late. No tree decorating, called my cousin who I knew was home alone with her little boy that night, invited her over and made supper for everyone. then they left and I put the kids to bed myself.

On wednesday Will had school, when I dropped him off I noticed that I was supposed to bring in a present for a little boy-the Y had set up a giving tree-I took a tag, but had no gift to turn in. It was due that day, so Ben in his footie pj's and I not showered went to Kohls. (I thought I was going home and would dress Ben and possibly shower myself then). I of course could not find the damn tag in my traveling dumpster of a car, and all I could remember was the boy was 7, his favorite color was red, and I was supposed to buy clothes of some kind. I stopped a random person to help me guess at sizes, bought an entire outfit and a few toys to throw in the box-I mean what 7 year old boy wants clothes? Ran back the Y to put it together and hand it in, picked up Will from preschool, head home, Ben napped in the car and refused to nap at the normal time. Will napped as soon as he got home, when he got up, Ben went down, by the time Ben got up it was time to leave for my in laws for supper.

Today I woke up to a house completely trashed from Tuesday and a large pile of dishes in the sink, the kids were horribly whiney and making me crazy before I could even get one cup of coffee in or log onto my email-mama needs her coffee and internet time, seriously, before I can do kids all day. I did a half-assed quick clean ( I threw a pile of toys in a large bin) vaccuumed the floor and did load one of two loads of dishes. And picked up the bathroom. I ended up having 6 kids under 3 and 3 parents (Including myself). I was just too tired to cook so I spent 30.00 on pizza. (when playgroups get expensive there is a problem) It was nice to have the playgroups, I like having the playgroups-I think I may have playgrouped myself out this week. Thursday is bowling day so no dave until after bedtime again, so get the kids ready for bed myself. Just came downstairs to clean again, not cause I care about clean at this point, but my mom is coming tomorrow, so have to get house mom clean.

Tomorrow I work 7a-7p, mom comes here to hang with the boys until it is time to take will to school. Before work I have to do any last minute cleaning(but Dave will help) and lay out all the boys clothes for the day, pack the diaper bag, and pack Wills school bag for show and tell and swim.

Saturday Dave told me he has to work, and then pick up a dishwasher and deliver it for his parents and sister, then we have a birthday party at 2pm-(naptime) , so it looks like we are busy until saturday night.

I'm exhausted, so I"m heading up to bed now. Just getting frustrated because it seems to me I'm always busy but nothing gets done, and I never have time for me. I'm still way behind on laundry, both bathrooms need cleaning, I'm surrounded by piles of clean laundry again-to sort, to fold, to put away, to store. Christmas decorating is half done, Christmas shopping is half done, still have no christmas cards made to send, my coupons are way behind-need to be cut and filed. Bills still need to paid.

It seems to me that other people manage to stay on top of this stuff and get things done, I feel like I'm always spinning my wheels. Yes there are lots of times I could be more productive, like first thing in the morning when the boys are quiet and usually happy for a little while. I am not awake, and don't want to move then. I really get going around 3pm, when they are cranky, dinner needs cooking, noone is listening. Is this just me or is everyone this frustrated and not saying it?

I understand why Dave is working so much, it brings in extra money that we need, but is this just a phase of life I have to survive? Will I ever have anything in this household the way I want it to be? Will I ever get a little time to myself to go to yoga, or see a girlfriend? Or am I an underpaid short order cook/manservant, because that is what I feel like most of the time.

I just feel like there is some sort of malfunction in my wiring-that I can't focus on more than one thing at a time, if my house is in order, my bills aren't paid and my coupons are a mess. If the coupons are done the house is trashed. I'm like a walking organization nightmare. My mom and husband often say stuff like "Well if you just did it this way you could have it all done", or "I don't understand how everyone else can do it but you cant", or " what do you do all day, this house is trashed!"

Whatever, I'm going to bed, this too shall pass right? I have a roof over my head, a husband who loves me-even if he says THE WRONG THING-most of the time, and healthy happy boys. Sometimes I just feel stifled, bottled up and lost in the catagory of "mom". Sometimes it would be nice to be "Alison" not person-who-does-stuff-for-me.

And based on re-reading what I just wrote? I need to start exercising again, cause I felt so much better when I was.

This week I hosted three playgroups at my house, it would have been four but my girlfriend cancelled at the last minute, which is fine cause I was just as tired as she was.

Echo's

2008-11-28T13:27:00.000-05:00

My head is full,

One of my patients is a little woman, who I can tell has been very independent her whole life, her daughter is by her bedside. This family has come off as really demanding, but after spending some time with them I can see what they are concerned about. I'm watching this daughter worry about the level of pain her mother is in, what is causing the pain, the meds needed to treat the patient. After the mom is painfully transferred to a stretcher and wheeled to a biopsy that is sure to be painful, I'm in the room with her daughter who is wiping tears away. I reassure her that there are other meds they may be able to give down there that I don't have access too, that I would be upset too if I knew my mom was hurting, that I would call her when her mom gets back, and I'll keep a close eye on her. It isn't enough, but it's all I can say.

Today, the day after Thanksgiving, my husbands family is talking about hospice for his 90 year old grandmother. I feel like a conductor of a train I don't want to get on. Because of my health background I have seen families go through this process, and truthfully my in-laws have already been through this before I even joined the family with his grandfather. I just feel like it's my job in some way to guide them, or more specifically my husband through, and I'm not all that sure I'm even qualified. Waiting for the word, wondering if this is really going to happen within the next four weeks before Christmas. Knowing that I cherish this woman, for how wonderful she was to my husband as a child, to my sons, how when she knew who I was she was always wonderful to me. I don't want to watch my husband and his family suffer, I don't want her to be gone, I especially don't want to have a conversation with my three year old about death.

And finally thinking of my own mother, and maybe how I may end up in these situations with her one day, knowing who she is, what she has accomplished in her life. I think I'll call her and tell her that I love her.

A big moment!

2008-11-26T17:38:00.003-05:00

So here is the big news at our hourse this week!

(Will kept running naked through my video of Ben walking-that is why daddy isn't happy with him)
But Ben was so proud of himself!

Obviously we have much to be thankful for around here, and I would like to wish you all a wonderful holiday and company of families and full bellies!

Happy Thanksgiving!

a great man

2008-11-13T14:25:00.004-05:00

I was reading motherbumpers blog post-(I met her at BlogHer Boston and I think she rocks!)

and she was doing a meme I just had to do. This one: http://motherbumper.blogspot.com/2008/11/route-66.html

So then I got curious just what is my sixth picture in my sixth file?

This one:

That man is my step dad, he came into our lives after a really bad point in my families history, and married a woman with three kids in junior high and younger. We were truly broken and just surviving at that point, he came into our family and made us whole again. He is holding Ben who is about 2 months old in this picture, it was thanksgiving, about 6pm, it was dark out.

I cannot put in words how much this man means to me. He was willing to take on a broken family, he was willing to go through three kids in their teenage years. He was willing to teach me to drive which was no small feat my friends, (I may have ran down a fence post, stalled the car a half million times, almost got us killed going too slow on the highway, and possibly ran a stop sign) He takes care of my mother, who most of the time is a very independent person and wants no help from anyone, but has a chronic condition that has caused her to need taking care of every so often, and she falls and sprains things a lot. He rarely loses his temper, he always does the right thing even if it is the hard thing. I learned a lot from this man, and I hope my kids, his grandkids do too.

I missed nablopomo!

2008-11-06T09:02:00.002-05:00

I really enjoy national blog posting month. I love the challange of coming up with something everyday, even if I have admittedly put up some pretty lame stuff at the end of the day!

This year November 1st when by before I noticed, and on November 2nd I turned to my husband and complained that I had missed the first day. He said good less pressure and I have to say this year a part of me agreed, it was a relief, but mixed with some sadness. I'm the kind of girl that needs to be held to a standard-if you saw my house right now you would agree, I need pressure to get anything done!

I toyed with the idea of writing a book, but I'm just not that good a writer, and to be honest I just don't know how to put a book together. When I have something in my head to write that I'm feeling passionate about than I can pull it off, but when I don't it just sort of wanders..

So I'm not sure were this is going...do I just start posting every day for the hell of it? Do I attempt a book, maybe just a string of essays-I think I could handle that. What do you think?

Can we fix it? Yes we can!

2008-11-05T21:36:00.002-05:00

I'm back on the parenting page of shine!
go here to check it out:
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/can-we-fix-it-yes-we-can-303571/

when you try to get a man to do a womans job..

2008-10-29T20:04:00.004-04:00

Every night around here we have a routine, we have supper, we clean it up, we get the kids ready for bed. At bedtime, we fill a bottle with warm milk, a sippy cup with chocolate milk, and all the male people of the house go upstairs to mommy's bed. (Funny that I'm never in it)

Tonight Dave has been pretty much useless, he was trying to program a ton of numbers into his new phone, but that left me to do everything else. Luckily I didn't have to cook tonight, dinner at the in-laws! We gave them baths there, put pj's on came home and it was time, these boys needed to go to bed, but daddy wasn't really moving. I did what I always do, the thing that needs to be done. So I grabbed the kids and headed upstairs, yelling back to him, make sure you fill another bottle for Ben for later, make sure the dog has food and water, bring up Ben's medicine, and let the dog out.

I brought the kids up and got them settled, time is going by but I'm not hearing any moving around down there, I go to the top of the stairs and yell down. "Don't fall asleep on the couch!"
I hear sheepish laughter. I said "I don't hear any moving around down there!" He said "oh there is moving. " I said "Your chest going up and down and your eyes closed doesn't count!" More sheepish laughing, "I guess there isn't much moving then" I told him to either get up and come upstairs so I could do it, or get up and do it, he said he was coming up, he was tired.

That really doesn't upset me, you see, every night he takes the kids up and I have a few minutes of quiet that I desperately need while I get the bedtime stuff done. He needs it too, this is his few minutes of cuddle time with the boys, the time he can count on everyday, since he is up and gone so early. It works. I guess we all fall into a routine that works, as long as you can keep your husband from falling asleep before the kids!

I'm on the parenting page of shine!

2008-10-24T21:52:00.002-04:00

go to this link, my article is the one about embarrasing parental moments, the box on the right!

So exciting!

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/

fall in new england

2008-10-17T16:32:00.001-04:00

'nuff said

baby kisses!

2008-10-17T15:33:00.003-04:00

Ben's idea of giving a kiss:
press sweet droolly baby lips against mama's, (hard) mouth slightly open, making an "mmmmm" noise. Stay that way until mom is laughing so hard she has to pull away and wipe off slobber, repeat.

and just when I thought nothing would embarrass me...

2008-10-16T07:34:00.003-04:00

I mean seriously, that applebees trip wasn't so much embarrassing as hugely annoying, and frustrating. I'm not the embarrass easily type, never really have been, I feel it's kind of a useless emotion, doesn't change what just happened, doesn't fix the problem. I'm practical like that.

There is always going to be an exception to any rule though, right?

I decided after I picked Will up from preschool yesterday to take advantage of the warm sunny weather and go to the playground before heading home for naptime. In October in New England if you get a nice day you are silly not to take advantage of it. I'm a veteran mom now, I know full well what being in the house all winter long means, caged animals for children and me wanting to run screaming for the hills.

So we go to the playground closest to his school, I should probably fill in here that the preschool I send him too is not in our neighborhood. Its in a nicer neighborhood, in a nicer ymca. So while the playground is packed it isn't people from the same social bracket as my husband and I. It would not be outside of the norm for the adults tending to the children to be nannies and not moms and dads. Picture painted? Ok, we can move on..

I'm chatting up the parents who are also pushing their younger children on the swing while Will plays on the large piece of equipment behind me. All is going well for the first like 15 minutes we are there, until a mom eating a salad on a bench yells, "Is that someones child!?" Yeah you guessed it, I turn around and it is my child, he is standing on the bottom platform of the equipment, and peeing into the sand in the middle of the playground. In full view of ummm everyone. I of course run to my child, explain to him that he can not pee in playgrounds, that he should come to me and tell me if he has to pee, he looks up at me with big, brown innocent eyes and says "But mom, there aren't any bathrooms here" I told him I would have found him one (or found him a nice big private tree..) and tell him not to do it again. He says "Ok mom," and then he reassured me " I don't feel pee-pee's anymore!" Yeah well no kidding kiddo, you already took care of that problem.

I did not however leave or hang my head, I went back to pushing Ben and watched some of the other parents migrate away from me, I mean obviously I have taught my child nothing, and their kid could you know catch it.

Except the only dad there, who was doing his darnedest not to laugh out loud, and said, "Well I guess he isn't shy!" As we were leaving one mom said "how old is he? I said 3 and a half. "She said "This guy is three, is that what I have to look forward too?" Then she told me she thought it was cute!

At least some people understand children.

all the good stuff you've been missing!

2008-10-15T07:13:00.003-04:00

It's been awhile since I really wrote much of anything, and let me just say this summer, or more specifically the end of this summer into fall just kicked my ass. Everything just seemed to go into overdrive and need my attention:

-Ben went through a really demanding hold me, hold me phase, and turned one and needed the required huge party.

-Will went through a really fresh getting into shit phase and I almost had to kill him, or sell him to gypsies.

-I started picking up overtime at work which while great for the paycheck and bills makes me a blabbering, drooling, sleep deprived zombie for like the next two days, 3 hours of sleep will do that to a girl.

-My sisters marriage was ending.

-My mom almost had cancer for a week. (she doesn't, false alarm).

-My husband started working 9 hours a day, 6 day weeks. So has been no help (and unable to stay awake past dinner)

-Will started preschool (which has greatly improved his behavior around here)

It's all sort of smoothing out though, we have a nice little routine going on. In fact within the next 20 minutes I have to start getting us all dressed and out the door.

I'm sure a good blogger would have used the blog as an outlet and come up with something funny, I was just trying to get through the day in one of those mind numbing fogs.

Just for fun though, Ben has developed a nice high pitch shriek whenever he is not happy. He has a big brother and always wants to be carried. He is unhappy a lot! So after I drop Will off at preschool, I think I'll go invest in earplugs. (kidding-we have them in the basement-hubby is in construction) So pictures of my little shreiker-good thing he is cute!

Ice cream cake on your birthday rocks!

bathtime!

Why yes I am sitting in the dog bowl! Why do you ask?

The shelf we bought specifically to hold toys-now a toy itself!

No pictures please! Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!

Time for a give away!

2008-10-13T10:34:00.003-04:00

Thanks to blogher Boston, I have some goodies to give away-apparently when you show up at the end of the day people who give away swag will be happy to give you whatever is left on their table-note to self-go late!

There are a few things I want to give away, but we are starting with something every new mom needs. Who would like to win a playtex bottle?

Playtex was very involved in blogher boston, going so far as to have conversations with blogging moms and record them to post on blogher's website, as well as their own. You can check those out here:

http://www.youtube.com/playtexbaby

Here is what everyone wants to know about these bottles:

They are BPA-free, and they are from the VentAire Advanced system. These bottles let air in through a micro-channel vent at the bottom of the bottle, reducing air mixing with the milk or formula baby is drinking. This is proven to reduce gas and colic. With a refluxy baby of my own I know how important that is.

Another nice feature is the angled bottle design. This allows for semi-upright feeding recommended by pedetricians to help reduce ear infections.

There is a removable top and bottom to easy cleaning.

I have two bottles to give away.

A wide bottle/nipple for babies switching between breast and bottle-even breastfed babies need a bottle sometimes, or more specifically moms need a break or need to work!

A standard bottle/nipple.

If you would like a chance to win either of these bottles just leave me a comment specifying which one you would like, I will do a random drawing and pick one winner for each.
If you have used these bottles feel free to leave a note in the comments about how well they work, or your experience with them!

This contest will be open until Sunday October 19th, one week from today.

blogHer boston

2008-10-12T10:48:00.002-04:00

I was only able to make the cocktail party at the very end, since I had to work, but I am so glad I went!

I met some great woman, whose blogs I can't wait to read, and picked up free stuff that I will be giving away here!

Much more to say but at work, so I can't really give it the time it deserves, more to come!

operation spill it!

2008-10-02T17:03:00.003-04:00

Ok everyone, I have been reading Catherine of HerBadMother's blog for a long long time now.(http://badladies.blogspot.com/) She is one of the first blogs I ever read, and still read, every post.

I don't tend to comment often, but even though this is a woman I have never met, I care about her-no not in a creepy stalker way-in a we are all mothers and woman kind of way, and I just relate to her. She is kind and intelligent, she is well spoken, and she does her best every day to be a good mother, just like we all do.

Catherine has some stuff going on, stuff that makes a person worry, and be uncomfortable and doubt themselves sometimes. Stuff that happens to woman and mothers every day of every year.

So here is what I know. There have been times in my 3 years of motherhood to two boys that I am not proud of, things that have scared me, my own thoughts or actions. Resentments about being a mother, about being always on, even while having a supportive loving husband who completely misses the point about 75% of the time.

In other words things that I don't really go around telling people because I know I am a good mother and one or two bad moments or bad judgements, or loss of perspective do not define me. What I choose to do after those moments does, the fact that I love my sons always, and care for them always, and do the right thing for them always, even when I don't want to, even when I want to be anywhere else than here.

So I think us mothers who have been there, for even a moment, who understand what it feels like to have a thought or say out loud to an infant things that should not be said. (I have personally used the f word) should share.

Be brave, tell it like it is, support another mother. If you like you can do it anonymously here (if so my email is willsmomali @ gmail .com), but I'm not looking for blog traffic, or post it on your own blog and send Catherine an email letting her know it's there.

Motherhood is the most amazing, stressful, depressing, anxiety producing job on this planet, we are all just hanging in there doing the best we can. If we can't support each other than noone can, because noone but a mother can understand it.

its kidman....

2008-10-02T06:15:00.003-04:00

Have I ever mentioned that Will talks a lot? I mean this kid always has something to say, loudly! It's especially fun when you are trying to read, think, blog, get his brother to sleep, get him to sleep, need to go to bed yourself.

So when my husband did this this morning right before he walked out the front door into the darkness that is morning around here, (we never get up after the sun is up) ( I know you're jealous) it was funny.

Will and Dave were having a particularly rough goodby, as in rough housing.
Will had climbed onto Daves back and Dave bent down and grabbed Ben, held him in front of him and said "I am Kidman! Waving Ben a little he said "this one will spit up on you or pee on you", and indicating Will on his back, "this one will talk you to death!"

i laughed really hard, because you know he could talk you to death!

16 hours

2008-09-29T01:47:00.002-04:00

This morning I found him in his room a bundle of messy blankets. He didn't look good, he was shaking, telling me he had a headache, that he really didn't feel good. I talked to him very briefly and then went to get him some meds, when I came back his doctor was in the room. She told him that he was just going to drink again, that she didn't need to make a referral for him or get him any contact numbers, that she figured he knew what to do if he really wanted help. Then she left the room, her attitude towards him and others like him obvious.

As the day went on I medicated him frequently as the protocol allowed to ease his withdrawal symptoms, he got a little demanding. He was calling often for little things. the doctor was back on the floor and asked how he was, I explained that he was driving me crazy calling so often. She said we just needed to get some labs at 2pm and after that he could go. I was stunned. We don't discharge people in the middle of detoxing them. Withdrawal can be dangerous, people have seizures. She said the he expressed no desire to go through recovery to her, but said it the doctor higher than her. She looked puzzled and said, you were there-he wasn't interested. All I could think was you never asked him! You told him he would fail and then walked out. I didn't say it out loud because I could see she really didn't get it, and me telling her she didn't get it wasn't going to help. She had dismissed this patient before she even met him.

By the afternoon he felt much better, the meds were in him the shakes were gone, he was thinking more clearly.

I was surprised to hear at about 9pm that he wanted to leave against medical advise, a little later I went in to talk to him to see if I could get him to stay. He wasn't a bad guy, he was a guy with a drinking problem.

While we talked I found out that he had been an alcholic his whole life, but that he had long periods of sobriety, 5 years here, 7 years there..all together more than 20. That his girlfriend had some problems and was getting discharged from a psych hospital. That she meant everything to him. When she was admitted he was stressed and thought well I'll just drink this week, it turned into a month and here he was. He wanted to not drink, because he wanted to be there for her, he didn't want to mess up her recovery. So he stopped drinking and dumped all the alcohol in the house, and he started withdrawing.

In the end he decided to leave, I explained he shouldn't be alone. He explained to me that he knew day 2 of withdrawal was the worst, and this had been day 2, he thought he would be ok.
he would have his mom call and check on him.

he left the hospital at about 10:30pm.
At about 1am he calls the floor, says he is shaking like a leaf, he needs help, can we help him. He sounds desperate and scared and a little child like. I know he doesn't have a ride and can't drive so I tell him to call an ambulance. He wants me to call for him, I can't do that. He wants to come back to our floor. We have no beds available, so I explain that any medical floor can take care of him, what is important is that he get here and get the meds in his system. He said ok.

I have no idea if he called and came back in.

I hope he did.

this is 'scustin'

2008-09-25T12:36:00.003-04:00

ok, this is a good one...

both boys are playing on the deck. On the deck there is also a cooler from the last party we had, the cooler has three cupholders molded into the plastic. I step outside to find my baby splashing his hand into a yellow liquid in one of the cupholders, Will is watching him. Just as I start to wonder, what is that yellow liquid, Will pipes up,

"Ben is playing in my pee"

ewwww,ew, ew, ew, "Will that is disgusting! We don't pee outside!"
As I pick up the baby and rush him to the nearest sink for a good scrubbing....
boys!

a week so good i'm mentally fried.

2008-09-14T15:27:00.002-04:00

It has been a very stressful, tiring and in retrospect good week.
This week, my 3 year old started preschool, my baby turned one and we had the usual huge party to throw, and my mom had surgery to rule out cancer.

In the end, my 3 year old loves preschool and the teachers think he is some kind of angel child, like I can see the love on their faces when they look at him. heh, yeah right! They don't know him like I do, and I'm just waiting for him to get comfortable enough to be fresh. Also thinking maybe he won't be fresh cause kids are always better for other people, and I must add a little relived that he may have actually heard half of what I say to him, and maybe absorbed some of it! He's not a demon with big brown eyes, blond curls, and dimples! Who knew?!

Ben's party was great, he got a few nice presents and people took the hint that he really didn't need anything at all. (my house looks like a toy store and I have more clothes from Will than Ben can even wear this winter) His actually birthday was the friday the 12th, and he appropriately enjoyed his ice cream cake.

And my mom doesn't have cancer! yeah, can't put in words how great that is....but if i ever meet the recovery nurse in a dark room I probably will have a few words for her...

so in the end it has been a very good week, but i'm working sat, sun and monday, and let me just say as i stand in a hallway and type this, that my heart is not in it, i'm just toast and want to be curled up on my couch reading or something. Luckily I have an easy quiet group.

I stumbled upon this in the blogs and it's just so funny i had to share even though it's a few weeks old.
http://thebloggess.com/?p=635

I found my camera!

2008-09-06T19:44:00.002-04:00

I found my camera! Just in time to, cause tomorrow is Ben's 1st birthday party, and monday is Will's first day at school! I'm thinking I'm going to want pictures.

Generally when we have a party my husband and I stay up insanely late the night before getting things in order, fight a lot, and run around like idiots. Tonight though? yeah we are both lounging on the couch, I mean sunk back into the pillows feet on the coffee table lounging. We still have things to do, but the house really isn't that bad, and neither of us has had much sleep, so we begged my in-laws, and they will take the kids tomorrow early and keep 'em so we can just get stuff done without stopping 30 million times. As I type this my husband is falling asleep next to me. Like fell asleep with his arm up and is lowering it really slowly while he falls asleep.

Since I found my camera, I'd thought I'd share some ben stuff with you!

He crawls:

And today, he stands:

sorry it's sideways, I keep forgetting that when I'm taking a video, I need to pan out, not flip the camera like a picture.

ok that's it, time for mindless entertainment!

I'll post birthday pics soon, and school pics soon!

bitchfest guest post

2008-09-02T13:44:00.003-04:00

So I get to b*tch on a different blog? How awesome is that- a whole new audience to
complain to!!

My husband.

Don't get me wrong, my husband is a great guy. He was my childhood crush as far back as I can remember. I was in love with him, he knew, and was NOT
interested.

Then when I turned 20, he took notice. We've been together since.

My husband expects me to be Supermom /Superwife.

He wants me to be what his mom was.

His mom went to college when he and his brother were in grade school, worked a full time job, managed to cook/bake, and keep the house spotless every
day!

The problem with this: his mother died when he was 10. The pedestal that a person stands on when they die young is too high for any human to climb.

He expects me to be that way- and anything less is not great.

If you don't read my blog, I am a new mom to twin girls who are 9 months old.

My girls were born prematurely at 30 weeks weighing in at 3.4 and 3.10
respectively.

I was hospital bedridden for 6 weeks before their delivery. On top of that, I battled
infertility. When the natural route wasn't working for us, we decided to go through IVF. We obviously means Me since I was the one who had to have daily injections, daily blood work, an egg retrieval, a transfer etc. All he had to do was go into a little room with a cup.

Now take into consideration that I work FULL TIME.

This means, I awake at 6am, play with the girls, leave for work at 7am and only return
at 6:40pm every night! I then bathe the girls, feed them and put them to bed (of course with my husband's help)

I am a machine.

I don't really have time to process all that I have been through this year. I try to be the best mom that I can be. So yes, I don't cook during the week, and my house isn't spotless. I do sometimes wait for the girls to go to bed because I don't have patience since I feel spent from the day.

But: I do bring home the bacon, I do provide the family with medical insurance and a
401k for us. I provide our life insurance. I do a lot. I take care of my husband, daughters and my boss.

I do it all for everyone, and yet he still finds reasons to complain. He says he envisioned a different type of mother for his children. I know he says this at times and doesn't realize what it does to me. He does acknowledge all of the good I do, but it's what I don't do that also
gets pointed out?

I sat him down last week and asked him: "With all that your mother did, do you think
she was happy?" He didn't know what to say. He said that she probably wasn't. And there came his revelation.

I hope he can accept that I am not perfect. Most of all, I hope I can accept
it.

bitchfest

2008-08-28T22:06:00.002-04:00

just so everyone knows what all the bitching is about...and to explain the new button immediately to the right, Her bad mother is hosting a bitchfest over the long weekend. So I've decided to participate and loan out my blog for a fellow bitcher.

What this is about really is you know how sometimes you just have stuff you would like to say, to unload, to get off your chest, but you don't dare post it on your own blog because people from your real life read it, or the content just doesn't fit your blog or your audience? For this purpose then a bitchfest. It's not an exchange, so I will not be posting on the blog of the person who posts here, I'm assigned to someone else. If you want to see what I have to bitch about email me and I"ll be happy to tell you where-except if you are a direct relation to me, then you are on your own!

check it out here: http://herbadmother.blogspot.com/2008/08/betchfest-ho.html

my immediate thoughts in bullet form

2008-08-28T09:32:00.002-04:00

just a few bullet points cause I don't want to sit down and write a real post right now.

I lost my camera, I don't think it's lost/gone or lost/stolen, I think I put it somewhere in my house and cannot remember where. It's driving me crazy though and I want it back! I use that thing almost every day. It's on the to do list for today-MUST FIND CAMERA! Ben is moving people, and clapping and waving and giving kisses and climbing stairs, and I'm missing it all!
I've discovered a new time consuming hobby-the drugstore game. I'm now obsessed with scanning sale ads and finding coupons to match up, I have totally changed the way I shop in the last 3-4 weeks and now only want things as cheaply as I can get them. Trust me there is a post in this, and maybe some sidebar features, just haven't sat down to figure it all out.
Will starts preschool on the 8th, excuse me (sniff, sniff, wiping tear away) how is this possible? he will go three days a week, and have a ton of great stuff to do like swim lessons and music and yoga besides classroom type stuff, there will be field trips, FIELD TRIPS FOR THREE YEAR OLDS!
Did I mention three and half sucks? We whine, we cry, we don't listen, we push boundries, we climb and touch EVERYTHING without asking, we talk back..good times.
House covered in clothing I am trying to sort and put away or bag up to store. Mess.

That is what we are up too in a nutshell, I have stuff to write but no time now!

half naked crazy men

2008-08-25T22:40:00.003-04:00

I'm still chuckling as I type this, I'm at work, I'm charge nurse again, I'm orienting a new nurse again.
Part of the charge role is handling any problems that come up on the floor, be that patient or staffing, or problems with families, arguments between staff, whatever.

Tonight we had a staffing issue, I spent about an hour and half on the phone calling nurses at home to ask if they feel like working. While I'm doing that a confused but fairly able bodied patient who has a person in the room with him at all times to watch him and is wearing a posey vest (a vest that has ties that keep him in the bed so he doesn't fall) manages to get out of the vest, and jump out of his bed and run down the hall. The problem being he pulls out a chest tube ( a tube that goes into the lung and drains air or fluid that shouldn't be there) and breaks his iv line tubing while doing it.

We walk him back to his room where he announces he needs to use the bathroom, NOW. we sit him down and I notice his IV line is dripping blood, I pinch it off and tell another nurse that we can probably save his IV if we get the peice that connects to it.

Now picture this, I'm standing in a tiny bathroom with a half naked wild man, bent over and pinching off his iv line with my fingers so it doesn't drip> Security shows up too late as usual so there are about three security guards in and around the room, two other nurses and and about two cna's cleaning up the room and bed so we can put this man back into it.

At this time a supervisor from the nursing office comes into the room, pokes her head around the bathroom door and yells over a nurse at me, "so what's going on with your staffing?"

I was so surprised I blinked at her, than gathered myself and said-"Well we are in the middle of an emergency right now and I can't talk to you but I'll be there in a minute."

Does anyone else but me find it odd that a supervisor would want to talk about staffing while I'm in a tiny bathroom with a crazy half naked man?

Yup still giggling as I'm writing this...nursing is a crazy job!

ooh yeah...then as I'm walking down the hall a little later the iv nurse comes out of that same room yelling "ok, do you need anything else?" and I answer the first thing that I can think of "A lobotomy and some tights!" Thouroughly confusing her. Points if you know where I got that quote from. Maybe a prize too if I can think of something good.

I'm not supposed to actually kill him right?

2008-08-23T21:06:00.004-04:00

Ok so the other day I decided to get together with a friend of mine who has a little boy the same age as Will. We see them often and the boys get along really well. This day I knew Will had gone to bed late the night before, but he was doing fine, and takes much later naps lately.

We went to a park and hit a childrens place,(kids clothing store) then decided to have lunch at applebees. As the meal went on Will was getting more and more hyper, was having a hard time listening. This is all typical for him when he is tired, my friend was asking us to come back to her house, but Ben hadn't napped all morning and I could tell from Wills behavior that we needed to finish up and head home for nap time.

That was where I went wrong.

I thought he was going to get more cranky, more whiney, I thought that I had time to get him home, I thought he might even fall asleep on the way home.

nope

My kid turned into one of those screaming, thrashing, snot running down his face, hiding under the table kids.

You know when you drag the double stroller out of the restaurant and the baby and the purse and the diaper bag, open the stroller and strap the baby in, and then stop some random young pretty waitress and say "Would you please stay here with my baby so I can get my screaming toddler out of your restaurant" and watch her eyes get wide.....

then you go back in the restaurant to find your friend completely wide-eyed, and she runs as soon as you get back, your child-who-has-never-misbehaved-in-public-before-ever has now taken off his shoes and thrown them and is still under the table screaming, you make a swipe for him and he dives to the other side. You get down on all fours crawl under the table, grab you kid by his bare foot pull him out by that foot, round up his shoes and carry him still screaming and trying to hit you out of the restaurant where the screaming and fighting continue all the way to the carseat, and he refuses to listen behave or do as told (including taking the nap he desperately needs) for oh....... the next four hours.

At one point he sauntered his little butt down the stairs, strolled into the living room, leaned on one hand against the coffee table, and said in his most snotty i'm really a grown up voice "You know mom, I told you in the car I wasn't taking a nap today."

In the end I could not get him to listen, and took away his chocolate milk for "the rest of the day-not even bedtime!" In desperation. His eyes were huge, he had no idea I could do that!

You know when the day was so bad, that you feel like your head split into two and all your brains oozed out cause you sort of have an odd empty headed feeling, and can't put a sentence together anymore?

You know when it's so bad that even when you wake up in the morning, you aren't angry any more, but couldn't really say you actually like that child....

but you get him his chocolate milk, and make sure you sit and cuddle him, and within an hour or so it's all alright, it's all back on track, and he does his three year old best to be sweet and listen....and you still love him, and even like him again?

yeah so we had that day this week....

It's a damn good thing he's cute!

back

2008-08-20T08:32:00.002-04:00

Ok i'm back, apparently I needed a break from blogging. The last two week have just been heavy, dragging me down. Nothing life altering, just heavy things piling on me as the last two weeks went by. Things you want to blog about but can't, things you could blog about but don't know where to start, things you just don't want to put out there for the whole universe to read.

I'm dealing with those things, some of it just needs to sit in my head and on my heart till I find a way to live with it, those things are nothing that effects my personal life but more my idea of humanity. Other things require some action on my part and I'm coming up with a plan, or several plans for different issues. Those things are mine to come to terms with, but don't worry, I feel this is all normal, and sometimes as woman we come to a point where we have to stop and figure out what needs to change and how before we can move on and things can go back to normal, but a new good normal, you know? My marriage is not at risk, my family is healthy.

stay tuned for the story about how my son embarrased the shit out of me in public yesterday.

citizen of the month interview, meet T!

2008-08-12T08:32:00.002-04:00

I signed up to do the citizen of the month interview, I was interviewed by sheilamia, you can see that here http://sheilamia.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/a-very-worthwhile-experiment/

I was paired up to interview T of Send Chocolate. You can visit her blog here http://casadecruz.blogspot.com/. Withing minutes of poking around her blog, I new I loved this woman and added her to my feed reader. This is a smart, funny woman who does what she needs to do for her family. My kind of woman. So here is the interview!

Hi T, I have been assigned the intimidating task of interviewing you. I first want to say that I have spent some time reading on your blog, and I immediately added you to my feed reader. I cannot begin to tell you how taken I am with your honesty in blogging, especially about what must be a sensitive topic-your children. Secondly happy birthday! Apparently we share it, I'm a July 10th girl too!

Hi Alison! I am sincerely flattered! Thanks for doing this! Happy belated bday! Also, feel free to edit my words!!
so here are the questions:

1) How was camp rock?

Camp Rock was a lot of fun. It was actually Spirit West Coast, in Monterey. It's a three day Christian music festival. Think Woodstock or Lilith Faire without the booze and nakedness. Our church took 55 high school students and we had a blast. I was telling a friend where I was going and she facetiously said, 'So you are going to Camp Rock, huh?" I said, "No! I am going to summer camp, at SWC... music and teenagers and ...summer camp? Wait, guess I am going to Camp Rock!"

2) Would you describe yourself as a "hang it all out there" blogger or do you keep certain things private?

Wow that's a really good question! I think that I do hang a lot out there. I say my life is an open book. I figure if my experience helps anyone, then it wasn't in vain. So I share a lot. I don't share a ton about my husband, because the blog is about my life and yes, he is a part of that life, but I respect his boundaries, the old poop. He is a lot more private than I am. And with my 14 yr old daughter, I always run things by her before I post about her, because she is, well, 14. It is a fine line, I guess.

3) I have a good idea of what your blog is about, but I would like to give you the chance to answer that in your own words. What you would like to accomplish with your writing?

I write for two reasons: to help those who deal with autism in their families know they are not alone and two: to maintain my own sanity. I would call myself a lifeblogger. Yes, I am a momma and a homeschooler and I have kids with autism. But I write about whatever I feel like writing about. I don't live in a box. I never have.

4) Do you have any hobbies, you know besides being crazy busy with a blog, a house, three kids, and homeschooling them too?

This is the part where I lie and tell you that I hike and do yoga (I actually used to, and still have a membership to the health club) and climb mountains and all of the things I wish I did, right? I used to read, but don't do a lot of that anymore. I guess my hobby is buying books at the bookstore that I don't end up reading! I am really active in my church youth group, because I am cool like that, and really, wouldn't you want meas a role model for your kids? I do all sorts of writing, so I guess that would be my hobby. And I read stories to my little one, can that count? I love the Pigeon...I don't get why he can't drive the bus.

5) Any dreams?

My dream is to be a published author. A prolific one. I want to freelance and do magazines. I want to further autism activism. I recently started writing for my county newspaper autism blog, so it's a start. I have a book or two in me, and yes, so does everyone who blogs...but I have wanted to do this for a long time, so it will happen!

6) I think I picked up that you are a lactation consultant, this is something I would like to explore as a future career path for myself, how long have you been doing this and what made you start?

I am a volunteer lactation consultant of sorts. I have been doing it for 6 years now. I nursed all three of my children, but once I had my last one, she was a preemie and I had to struggle to nurse her. I fought ignorance from the NICU nurses, and misinformation as well as a baby whose mouth was too small. She wanted to use the bottle, developed a horrid nipple preference, and there was no one to help me. I am stubborn, so I didn't give up. Once she was older, I started attending La Leche League meetings.

7) I read that you chose to homeschool and why, do you think in general there is a lack of good services in schools for autism?

You know, I never in a million years expected to homeschool. I was really involved in our neighborhood public school, doing the room mom thing and the PTA thing. At the same time, I was dealing with getting my son diagnosed with autism, attending IEP meetings and trying to get a program in place for him. The year he was diagnosed, he was in a mainstream classroom. And it just was not working. We all knew it wasn't working. But I think the attitude was, wait and see what happens next year. That really seems to be the mentality, at least through our district. And I was a very hands-on in, involved parent.
The placement they offered for the following year was not the right one for my son. They didn't have a mild to moderate classroom, so he was to be placed in the moderate to severe classroom for summer school. Since the teacher would send his class work home to finish, I was already homeschooling him.... we spent hours on homework each night. And, I have to say, he hated school so much, I literally had to drag him there, kicking and screaming each morning. Something had to give.
A week or so later, I was at a conference, and I attended a session called Homeschool 101, everything you need to know to start. I came home and told my husband I wanted to homeschool. It was truly a case of God going before me, because I had brought it up before and been met with the cold shoulder. This time the answer was, "When do we start?" I have been homeschooling for five years now, and two years ago, brought my oldest daughter home. She has been very happy and can now pursue her academic interests. I also homeschool my 7 yr old, as well.

8) How long do you homeschool each day and what kind of prep goes into that? (I know that's a huge question, just curious what it takes to homeschool. )

We homeschool about 4 hours a day, from about 9-1. After that, the kids do things that are academic, but free time and fun. Prep takes place before the school year starts, I read and review books and curricula, then order what I think I will need. During the schoolyear I would say it probably takes about two hours a week, usually on Sunday night, as I do the lesson plans for the week. Beyond that, it isn't as hard as some might think. We visit the library every three weeks and the kids get books. I could go into the different approaches, but instead, we will just say I am Eclectic and do a little bit of everything. Anyone can homeschool. In fact, if you help your child with homework, and go on family trips, you already are homeschooling!

9) Is there anything you would like to world to know about Autism?

It is cliche, but true: if you 've seen one kid with autism, you've seen ONE kid with autism. All of the kids are different, and it is amazing how different they are. Most kids with Asperger's or high-functioning autism really are social. They want to know you, they want to hang with you..they just aren't sure how to make that happen. The idea that kids with AS or HFA are not social is just patently false.

10) What kind of chocolate should we send?

Oh honey! Want to be my friend for life? I love dark chocolate, especially truffles!

Thank you T for the great interview, you'll be seeing me in comments at Send Chocolate!

summer photo contest

2008-08-06T08:37:00.003-04:00

Long, long ago, back when Will was one and there wasn't a Ben yet we took a trip to this amazing place to spend time near the water and climb the rocks (about 30 mins away)

I love this picture taken on fathers day, of my husband being proud of his baby boy!

Posted as part of 5 mins for mom summer fun photo contest, which you can read about here:

http://www.5minutesformom.com/3898/win-500-in-our-summer-fun-photo-contest/

the prize is 500.00!

citizen of the month interview

2008-08-06T07:37:00.002-04:00

I was wandering around the internet last week and stumbled into a new blog, Neil of citizen of the month is having everyday bloggers like myself interview each other. This way bloggers get a chance to meet each other. The list is ongoing, once you put your name on it you are interviewed by the person above you, and you interview the person below you, I have to say this is so much fun I would love to do it again. If you would like to get your name on the list to be part of this here is the link: http://www.citizenofthemonth.com/2008/01/18/the-great-interview-experiment/

I was interviewed by sheilamia, the interview is up if you would like to read it!
http://sheilamia.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/a-very-worthwhile-experiment/

Stay tuned for the interview I did with a great new blogger, she has my questions, just waiting for her answers!

the reality of being nurse

2008-08-03T10:21:00.000-04:00

sometimes it really sucks to be the nurse standing by and watching horrible things happen to good people

I twittered this about 6 hours ago after spending the day taking care of a young man who got one of those talks from a team of doctors that you don't ever want to get. A man who found out today that not only will he never walk again, but he has a much bigger, much more life threatening problem on his plate. A man who does not have the luxury of having his family around him in his greatest time of need due to circumstances beyond his control.

I did the best I could for him today I stood by his bed and prayed "oh please, oh please, oh please" while we waited for the ok to make calls to his family, while we waited for a ringing phone to be answered. So he could do what we all do when we are in need, connect with our families.
I stood beside this man and held his hand as he made phone calls to his immediate family and explained how bad his situation was, a phone call they could have no way of anticipating.

I pushed back my own tears over and over again today, because it wasn't about me, he didn't need to see his nurse crying. He needed support, so that is what I did.
He won't get better, he may get more time, but he has small children, and a wife...that he hasn't seen in a year. Tomorrow is his birthday.

I came home and look at my own family with new eyes. It makes the things that frustrate me insignificant, my bad days he would give anything for. I'm ashamed to say that sometimes I need that reminder.

I'm thanking God right now for my two little boys tucked in there beds, for my healthy husband who comes home every night and most of all for getting to be here and just be with them.

It also makes me wonder if I should really be a nurse, should stuff really hit me this hard? Does everyone else walk away carrying this in the hearts and on their shoulders? I don't know how to put this kind of effort it and not have it take a peice of me, and I don't know if it is just me or all nurses....
but I'm working again at 7am tomorrow

more sick kids

2008-07-31T10:31:00.003-04:00

You wake up because you hear the baby crying. Hubby walks in and says "Do you want me to bring him in here?" You tell him yes because you feel like you have been hit by a truck. He brings the baby in and you ask "where is will?" You ask because Will never sleeps this late, and sure enough he is up, playing in his room. You take it as a good sign that he is up playing must be feeling better. The baby is happy, crawling all over the bed, he must be feeling better too.

As much as you would like to stay in bed a while longer you have to get up because hubby is leaving for work, and the baby can't be trusted to not throw himself off the side of the bed. So you gather the troops and head downstairs to the promise of freshly brewed coffee waiting for you in the pot.

You come downstairs, change the baby's diaper, get him a bottle, put on PBS for the older boy, get him a sippy cup of milk, pour your coffee, sit down to the laptop, and the whining begins.
Ben is tired, Will's mouth hurts and you can just tell he is sick of being sick. doesn't want to watch tv, but doesn't feel well enough to be up and playing.

You take a minute to go get dressed because must have bra on, can't stand floppy boobies. Decide there is no point putting real clothes on and pick things that don't match but are comfortable knowing full well by the end of this day you will be covered in copious amounts of baby drool, medicine that doesn't make it into the kids, formula, and food the oldest boy spits out cause it hurts his mouth.

Every five minutes the older one shrieks cause his mouth or throat hurt, the baby crawls around looking exhausted and crying.

It's 8am, gonna be a long day.

sick kids and butterflys

2008-07-30T07:50:00.006-04:00

Alright bear with me, I'm going to try to write a post that doesn't suck, but I am in the house of sick children, drinking multiple cups of coffee.

I twittered yesterday that my kids had hand foot and mouth, FYI hand foot and mouth is a virus, (you get blisters on your hands feet and in your mouthand a fever) just give tylenol to make them more comfortable and ride it out. Here is a link www.mayoclinic.com/health/hand-foot-and-mouth-disease/DS00599

I heard yesterday that my nephew had been diagnosed with strep they all spent the day together on friday, so I took them to the pede just be sure, and I was half right, they have strep and hand foot and mouth. It has been rough around here. Noone wants to eat anything or swallow.

On to a better post, before everyone was sick we took the kids to the zoo on Saturday. we saw a butterfly exhibit that was just amazing and I took a few pictures.

We really enjoyed this, it was quiet and serene.

Then a butterfly landed on our double stroller and Ben tried to kill it. Well really he was reaching for a binky on the next seat, but it was a close one.

did you see it? Look under Ben's elbow. Dave was trying to get a shot of the butterfly and Ben reached over for the binky.
Don't worry Dave rescued it from a slobbery death. Then it didn't want to get off of his hand, he had to go ask the attendant for help.

No zoo trip is complete without a stop to see the elephants getting a bath!

We also attended a 40th birthday party saturday night with the kids, started taking the bathroom apart (stripping wallpaper so we can paint) and had friends over with their three year old on sunday. It was a busy weekend and I've had plenty of phone calls to make to warn people their kid might get sick. Good times.

Ali-Rn, super nurse.

2008-07-25T22:47:00.002-04:00

Today kicked my ass. I had a group of patients who just needed a lot of care. A guy on a long-term vent, with a g-tube. Another guy who may loose his foot. A lady with a life threatening blood clot, a sick little old lady, and a man with disabilities and a gi bleed. It was a busy day that included four dressing changes, four people on blood sugars every few hours, a vent to moniter, multiple line draws.

On top of that I was charge nurse for 12 hours, and orienting a new nurse for eight hours. Either my boss has faith in me, or he put no thought into it at all, and it's just how it landed.

I stood for about 13 hours straight today, running up and down a hallway. by the time i left my legs from the knees down ached, and my feet where on fire, even in super comfy crocs.

when I got home I of course grabbed my laptop and sat on the couch with my swollen legs up. I always know how hard I really worked, when I try to get up, and start doing a weird stumble thing, cause the legs just don't work.

there is no job like nursing.

Does 'always on' mean 'always seperate'?

2008-07-24T21:45:00.003-04:00

Catherine of Her Bad Mother wrote a post today describing her experience at BlogHer this year. You can read it here:
http://badladies.blogspot.com/2008/07/thats-me-in-corner.html

I read this and felt my heart rip out of my chest. This post hit me on so many levels.

I know that feeling of being the mom, of being "on". Ever since I had my second child last september I'm always on. Before Ben, when it was just Will, if we got an invitation to a party, or a get together it sounded fun, it was something to look forward too. One child is so much more managable especially with two parents. Now if we get invited anywhere my thoughts are never about how much fun it will be. My thoughts are how much work it will be, making sure the kids are clean, nails cut, cute clean clothes, all the things I need to pack, extra clothes, sunscreen, hats, pj's, bottles, food, double stroller. By the time you get there your already tired,
a little bit grumpy. Then you have to constantly scan the crowd, who is holding the baby? Is he still happy? Has he eat/slept lately? Where did the three year old go? Is he near the water? Does he need to pee? Its getting near nap time should we go?
Ok its time to eat, what can I cut up for will? Come on hon just have a bite....

It's not something I can turn off if my children are near me, and they are young enough that I feel they need me nearby. This is one of the major reasons I haven't attended BlogHer, I've watched two conferences go by from the sidelines and just wished I could go. I could be brave like Catherine and take the baby but just the idea of trying to keep a busy crawling 10 month old entertained, fed and napped is scary. Never mind messing up the oh-so-fragile routine we have going. Leaving them this young is something I feel to guilty to do, and my husband is not exactly begging me to leave him with two little people for an entire weekend and spend the money we work hard to make on something other than our kids or our house or a vacation together.

Being a mother is what makes blogging vital to me. Every morning I get up too early, bring the kids downstairs, get one a chocolate milk, change the others diaper, get him a bottle, make myself a coffee. Once they are settled I log onto my laptop, I read posts, I check twitter. I need to know that there are still interesting things going on in the world. I need to feel like I am a part of the world, because once I was just me, with thoughts and desires and interests. Blogging preserves that part of me that just gets pushed further and further aside to tend to the now. The needs of children, the requirement to have clean clothes, and dishes, and meals made. On the internet I am the me I always was, just made wiser and more accepting because I am a mother, and more able to recognize what other mothers and woman are going through.

I will go to blogHer someday, I hope it is next year. I love blogging and the woman like Catherine that I read everyday. They don't know me, I'm not famous, but I get it, I'm a woman, I'm a mom...I'm a blogger.

if you need another laugh....

2008-07-24T08:47:00.002-04:00

My husband usually comes in about 4:30-5pm on wednesdays, and then we throw the kids in the car and go eat dinner with my in-laws. He also usually calls to tell me he is on his way home. So when it got to be 5pm yesterday and he was a no call no show I called him. He was really busy at work and had lost track of time told me to take the kids to his parents and he would meet me there.

Did I mention my kids have been really high needs this week? Like driving me bonkers high needs? well yeah they have been. So I was annoyed he didn't bother to call and warn me I was going on my own, (I've done it a million times before, but yesterday it annoyed me)

I'm trying to get the kids ready and diaper bag packed, Will refuses to come to me to put his shoes on, I tell him to come now, he runs around the corner and yells back at me "you no say that to me!" (toldya he's fresh) but he did it right behind his baby brother and scares the shit out of him. Ben jumps and starts wailing. It was a mess. I finally have both kids ready, put on my backpack diaper bag, pick up Ben, put my purse on my other arm and escort everyone out the front door.

yeah it's never that easy is it?

somehow a little bungy chord thing on the diaper bag got caught in the screen door. I was able to walk about 4 feet away before I realized I was stuck. I feel the pull, turn around and see the stretch black chord stretched as far as it can go. I'm already annoyed and my hands are full. so i do what every sane person does, I start having a tug of war with the door by pulling away from it, that gets me nowhere.
So instead of just walking back to door I start doing this wild up and down side to side dance with the chord still stretched and the door opening and closing as I pull. If anyone had got that on video.....anyway I'm sure I looked like an idiot and of course I did have to just put my purse down, walk backwards to the door and free myself. As I walked to the car though I had a nice bungy chord tail dragging behind me...good times!

if you need a laugh...

2008-07-22T16:51:00.005-04:00

you know those days when nothing you do makes your baby happy? You know how they cry all day, and you keep walking back to them saying "what?" "what do you need me to do?"
And then their big brother walks up.....

and then he walks away and it starts again...

fundraising, and fevers

2008-07-21T16:22:00.005-04:00

ok second attempt at a blog post today....

I can't believe a week went by since my last post, but that's just how busy things have been around here....

On friday morning I ran around collecting donations for our raffle and dropping off the letters from the foundation (thank you lowes, bj's and chuck-e-cheese) I packed everything we would need and we took the camper and headed to a neighboring state to help my brother and sister-in-law with the third annual wiffleball tournament/family fun day to raise money for cystic fibrosis. I have mentioned before that my nephew has cystic fibrosis.

meet my nephew Weston

I wrote about it here when he was a year old http://rnmom.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!38C225B23145C601!386.entry?_c11_blogpart_blogpart=blogview&_c=blogpart#permalink. He is now 2 1/2, and doing very well, but the first 18 months of his life were touch and go. My sister in law has put all of her energy ( you know the energy she has left after parenting a 5 yr old girl and 2 1/2 year old boy who needs meds, chest pt and careful monitering of his diet due to allergies as well as his illness., working part time as a social worker and running a household) into fundraising because every dollar we raise is a step closer, allows the researchers to keep on working. She even started a webpage this year which you can check out here:

http://www.freewebs.com/walkingwithweston/index.htm

It looks like she hasn't posted this years pics yet but the great strides walk from this year is up as well as last years tournament. There is also a link on that page if you feel you would like to donate.

So we helped set up a large field, got the kids to sleep and started all over the next day. We didn't raise as much money as previous years, but we didn't get corporate sponcership we had recieved previous years, the weather was working against us ( it was extremely hot and so muggy we were sweating standing still), and we changed the venue, which may have confused people.

We did raise 2555.00, which hey-science is expensive and that is money they didn't have before right?

As the day went on Saturday I was feeling worse and worse which I attributed to the heat, I'm not a do well in extreme temps kind of girl. By the time we were packing up to head home though I had fever, chills, nausea, headache, sore throat. I had to drive the 45 minutes home with the kids, and let me tell you I've never had a such a hard time staying awake.

My loving husband did everything for the kids all day yesterday and kept sending me back to bed. Today is much better, still sick but functioning. So that in a nutshell is what has been keeping us busy...ok back to the couch for me!

Discipline

2008-07-15T11:43:00.002-04:00

I love to go the ymca. I love meeting with my trainer and spending a whole hour child free. I love to do something just for me. I love that Will gets the chance to play in a new environment with other kids that he now looks forward to seeing. I love that everyone now knows us.

That doesn't mean it's easy getting there. On a good day I start getting ready at 8am, dress the kids, dress myself, pack the bags, feed the baby, change diapers and redress as needed, make the big one go potty, get everyone into the car, arrive for 9am, walk the kids to the nursery, sign them in and then I can go do my thing for an hour because Ben is still a baby and time is determined by age of the kid.

So it's an effort. Just like anything in this world that is worth it. An effort that I have been willing to make when it just effected me.

I've been feeling torn lately because I am a big fan of kids being on a routine (a flexible one) and sleeping when they need to sleep. I'm not judging how other parents need to do things, I just know my kids are happier and my day goes much more smoothly if I stick to nap times and don't run them around too much.

Until now there was no issue, Will takes one nap in the early afternoon, and Ben was an infant, and slept whenever. Now, however Ben wants a two hour nap in the morning and another nap in the afternoon, while Will wants a nap mid-day. It makes it difficult to find a good block of time to be out of the house, and makes me feel incredibly guilty to not let the baby sleep when he needs too. 2 days a week we are at the y when Ben should be sleeping, 2 days a week I work and the schedule is pretty much out the window, and it being summer on weekends there are projects to get done, fundraisers to throw, and family events to attend.

I've seen progress with the work I have done, more shapely waist, more shapely calves, my thighs not spilling over my knees, changes I don't want to lose. Today I had a conversation with my trainer about the timing issue, how I don't want to stop coming, how I don't want to lose what I have accomplished. We are going to try a new later morning time when hopefully Ben will already have napped and before Will naps. We also went over a half hour workout I can do at home with some hand weights and a ball (things I already have) and she wrote it all down for me.

I'm feeling so much better that we have what looks like a workable solution, I thought I was going to have to quit. Now I just need to have the discipline to stick to it!

Speaking of discipline.....a little story
When Will is getting into trouble I start counting in a stern voice, if I get to three and he hasn't corrected his behavior he goes directly to time out. We are working on freshness, talking back, and not listening. When we pulled into the Y parking lot a trainer had a group doing drills in the parking lot. I noticed but wasn't paying much attention. Will watched for a moment and heard the trainer counting as they did their repetitions. He turned to me and said, "who is being fresh mom?"

A new look for my blog!

2008-07-14T22:44:00.002-04:00

Ok so I don't actually know what I'm doing, I figured out paint today, and I know my banner is a little fuzzy. (Anyone know how to fix that?) But I think it looks great!

I was inspired by one of Bens outfits that is all blue with cream and brown accents, I think the colors are pretty close. If I wasn't already so tired I would post a pic of it, maybe tomorrow.
ok must go to bed!

An amazing birthday!

2008-07-12T23:37:00.006-04:00

I met real live bloggers! On my birthday! My husband and I have been planning a "mommy-daddy" trip for a while. The last time we went away just us was two years ago when we only had one kid.

Ahhh, only one kid, I remember that.....Anyway!

So who did I meet? Two wonderful woman!

Analis and Kelly

Lisa from Analis first amendment http://analisfirstamendment.blogspot.com/

This lovely lady has a food blog, and when I checked it out I learned she is also an attorney!
She helped my husband and I find our way to the T, she was sweet and friendly and I am now a fan of her blog! I even stole a recipe already, Dairy free/Vegan ice cream anyone?

I also met Kelly of Mocha Momma! So excited to meet her! http://www.mochamomma.com/

Kelly and I
On the ride to the hotel we met at all I could think was, "Ok Alison, compose yourself, don't act like preteen meeting a celebrity, you're a grown up, act normal!"
She was so pretty, with amazing blue eyes, and a huge smile. She introduced me to a new drink

Mojito's!!!

Posing with the sun in our faces!

It would have been nice to have had a little more time to talk before we all needed to go our separate ways, but I so enjoyed meeting these amazing people. I was more excited about meeting real bloggers than going to see Bon Jovi! Bloggers Rock!

gun control and my three year old

2008-07-03T16:03:00.004-04:00

So what would you say to this boy:

if he handed you this toy:

( A geotrax bridge support for his train set)

and asked you to turn it into this:
I asked him why he wanted me to do it, and he said in his most big boy three year old voice

"to get those bad guys!" he then said "go like this" and held his arm up as if holding a gun and waved it at the living room ceiling.

My son doesn't know the word gun, it's not really a word that comes up much in our little world, and the one or two times it has we spell it, because I don't think it's a word he needs to know. He doesn't own any toy guns, not even squirt guns.

My son doesn't know what a gun does. He doesn't really even understand the concept of hurting another person beyond playgroup roughness, or how he needs to be gentle with his baby brother. I know he doesn't understand the concept of death. He only watches children's tv (pbs, disney), we don't even watch the news with him around, and he hates movies, and has absolutely not seen one that would tell him how a gun is used.

I have no idea where he got the idea to make a gun out of train track support, maybe the ymca, maybe his older cousins. I know he doesn't understand it.

I pulled off one leg for him and handed it back, why? Because I felt his limited idea of what he wanted to do with it was far less damaging than me making a big deal out of something he doesn't understand and calling his attention to it.

As soon as I handed it to him a little girl was at our front door to play for the morning. He no sooner had it in his hand then he tossed it on the couch and ran to go play with his friend.

So what would you have done?

a great day for this mommy!

2008-06-27T16:16:00.004-04:00

A few weeks ago we finally went out and bought this:

It's a nice stroller, it's sharp looking, and it has a little storage, both under seats and neat little pouches on the back of each seat for stuff like pacifiers, cell phones and keys. Carrying Ben the little piglet in his carseat was just getting to be too much,(he is 9 months an 19 lbs!) and I wanted to be able to go places.

Today we went to a local farmers market and for a really, really long walk through the park. A little longer than I had planned actually. The stroller was great, it was so easy to push, the boys were comfortable. I'm so proud of myself that I did this, (I can do this!), I can just put everyone in the car and we can all enjoy outside and fresh air. It rocked, I'm all jazzed up. Came home and put the kidlets to bed for nap time, took a shower and used my new salt srub(that i picked up at the farmers market) smells like a stick of gum, has oils in it, so my skin feels all smooth and hydrated.

but the best thing today? Cheap gas! there was a radio promotion in our area and after waiting in a line for a half hour i filled up at 1.94 a gallon! normal prices are somwhere between 4.00-4.25 a gallon, all in all a great day!

what i did on my summer vacation...or yup still tired

2008-06-20T07:58:00.004-04:00

A few weeks ago I gave up my precious piano, you know the one that sat in my dining room that noone knew how to play? It was badly out of tune, the veneer was peeling off, it smelled old and dusty, but it was free, and I have always wanted to know how to play..I did start lessons, but then I also started nursing school, then I started working as a new grad, then I was pregnant for will while working full time as a brand new nurse, then I had a newborn who became a toddler, then I was pregnant for ben....you see where this is going. I just didn't have the time or leftover braincells to learn something new. I still don't.

why did I give it up? Because we have a cute little 1300 square foot house, and it is exploding at the seams with all this kid stuff, mostly toys. Last night we went out and bought a huge bookcase to put where the piano had been, then a quick trip to walmart later we stocked up on lots of plastic bins-and instead of going to bed at a decent hour, I stayed up and did this:

yup I stayed up until 1am to sort toys-but I had so much fun! Noone interupted or took the toys away as I sorted them!

and now these two:

will be able to easily find what they want to play with, and I will only be dealing with one bin worth of mess at a time. (because of course there are new rules)

fyi-the top shelf is not in yet because we somehow did not get enough pins to hold the shelf up, but that one is going to be all my office type stuff-paperwork we need to keep, legal documents, stuff like that-heaven!
also holds all of the arts and crafts supplies that have been spilling over!

Dave is going to make me some doors(no really, he does that kind of thing all the time) so we can close it and everything just goes away...oh and we are going to paint it white. when that happens i'll post pics. For now just loving the organized toys and clean living room floor!

still tired, and could use a shower

2008-06-19T07:07:00.003-04:00

Will was a little draggy yesterday-but after his three hour nap felt much better, my little neice was fine all day (except for when she bit Will on the back so hard he still has a mark) Ben however felt like sludge all day, he was a little warm, he wanted to be held, he didn't really want to eat.

last night he was up about every hour, and the only way i could get him to sleep was to put him in bed with me (thanking god for the king size bed)
I'm worried about him, because although he is cool today he really didn't eat much at all yesterday or last night.

dave was up all night making bathroom runs also, but so far aside from tired, i'm fine.

highlight of my day so far-the new assitant milkman that i've never met before letting himself into my trashed house (hey i had three kids under three hear yesterday) to bring in my milk while i am in pajama's with my hair standing up and no bra-good times

TIRED

2008-06-18T08:01:00.002-04:00

last night was down and dirty in the trenches parenting, with dave and i each taking a puky kid for the night, passing in the middle of the night and comparing notes and each falling asleep a few hours before it was time to wake up for the day.

i know you've been there. today i have my almost two year old neice all day too, I tried to warn my sister but wasn't able to get her to answer the phone last night or this morning. It is what it is i guess.

gonna be a long day, wish me luck!

updates from our house

2008-06-13T10:29:00.004-04:00

Here are some updates for this week:
1) Ben has two teeth, and more are coming! I say that like it's a good thing, but the poor baby was up screaming in pain for an hour last night waiting for the meds to kick in.

2) Will now pees in the potty standing up, apparently daddy started teaching him but never told me, so imagine my surprise when he just starts doing it one day!

3) oh yeah while discussing peeing, earlier this week we were in the backyard playing when will told me he needed to go potty, so as he was on his way into the house, he suddenly stops walking, drops trow and pees in the middle of the yard. Then he shot me his most mischevious smile and went back to playing.

4) Will also told me a joke for the first time this week-"mom, why did the chicken cross the road?" I was stunned, where did he hear chicken jokes? When i did answer him he said "Because the monster truck was going to run him down" Yup that's my boy! (also taught to him by daddy i found out later)

5) Ben is trying to kill himself, suddenly you cannot sit on the couch and hold him because he actively tries to squirm out of your arms and throw himself on the floor, he also tries to squirm out of your arms to go play, unfortunetly his little 9 month old head doesn't know he can't walk, but he is trying to pull up on things, and roll to get what he wants, and get on all fours(almost)
what can a mom say about all this development?
oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit......I'm in trouble! This kid is gonna be the death of me!

6) Dave finally got me BonJovi tickets for my birthday! So on my 32nd birthday i will be sitting in the nosebleed seats at a concert i have wanted to go to for the last 15 years (give or take)
we are also planning on spending the night in the city for a little "alone" time! so excited!

thats the updates, i have other stuff to write about floating around my head, just need a minute to put fingers to keyboard.

camping, a photo essay

2008-06-10T08:25:00.007-04:00

We went camping last weekend and I didn't have a chance to post pictures! So here they are

Ben playing with his toys in the fresh air!

Yeah I'm ugly, but it's camping people!

Stringing beads with Will in his fireman raincoat!

Daddy keeping Ben warm.

How sweet is this picture!

Getting the kiddo's to sleep, (that is will and my neice watching dora)

bike riding

love this pic of will!

funny story, my little guy noticed water coming out of the camper, so he plugged the drain and then came to tell us that he fixed it. This pic is showing daddy what exactly he fixed!

Ben and daddy

Will and mommy on the bounce pillow ( I love my hair in this one)

my little guys passed out on the way home from a great weekend!

the rabbit song

2008-06-08T16:57:00.004-04:00

my bonnie lies over the ocean
my bonnie lies over the sea
my bonnie lies over the ocean
oh bring back my bonnie to me...

bring back, bring back, bring back my bonnie to me, to me
bring back, bring back, bring back my bonnie to me...

When I was a little girl my mom would sing this to me, and I would imagine a woman floating in the water (nothing was wrong with her, just peaceful) and a man on a huge cliff watching her float away.

I started singing this to Will when he was little, it's very calm and long enough to not be boring.
The other day I was rocking him at bedtime and I asked him what he wanted me to sing.
He told me to sing the rabbit song. I had to stop and ask him what he meant, I don't know any rabbit songs. He said "yeah mommy, and started singing, "my rabbit, I mean my bunny lies over the ocean....." I still sing that song but now I giggle a little to myself when I do.

here's a link if your not familiar with the song:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Bonnie_Lies_over_the_Ocean

well if that's the way he hears it...

2008-06-01T16:19:00.002-04:00

Sitting here catching up on blogs while Will watches Caillou, he tries to sing the theme song, but doesn't really know it. It's all very cute until Caillou sings-"my world is turning changing each day, with mommy and daddy I'm finding my way!" Will sings "Daddy is blocking my way."

Dave and I crack up on the couch.....

...and then I dropped my kid (again)

2008-05-23T06:56:00.003-04:00

I was telling my trainer some stories at the gym the other day and she asked if I had blogged them, it never occured to me to blog them so here they are.

I'm really clumsy, I'm constantly banging myself on things, walking into things, stumbling or falling down. unfortunately if your mom is clumsy and she is carrying you there is bound to be some fallout. So I can count a total of four times that I have fallen while carrying Will. (Don't worry he's ok)

The first and second times were not my fault!
When Will was an infant I was carrying him in his carseat into my sister-in-laws house. I didn't know there was a hole in the ground and of course I stepped right in it. We both fell but he was strapped into his seat and it rolled over upside down. I held my breath as I rolled the seat back over to find a confused but perfectly fine baby staring back at me. At this point people are running out of the house screaming "are you guys ok!?"

When Will was older ( I don't remember how old he was but something like 1 1/2-2)
I was carrying him into my mothers house so she could watch him while I had to work. It was something like 6am, still dark out(really dark actually) and pouring rain so I was hurrying. I still am not sure exactly what happened, but my feet completely just went out from under me and I fell on top of Will-we were both soaked, he was really crying and I was so scared I had hurt him that I was shaking. Again he was fine, just scared. and I left for work very wet that day.

One morning I was carrying Will down the stairs because he wanted to say bye to his daddy. Dave was pulling out of the driveway and I was trying to hurry to get to the door. Our front door is at the bottom of our stairs so as I went to step onto the last stair I turned sideways to grab the front door knob, and missed the stair completely. My foot landed on nothing and we fell sideways like a tree-tiiimmmbbeerrrrr!!!! I hit the floor and my head on the baseboard heat, Will landed on me but I saw the top of his head hit the wall. I was a little stunned that time so it was taking me a second to figure out what happened. Will hopped right up though and said "mommy are you ok?" at that point I sat up and told him I was fine, and he started crying.

The fourth time was last week. Will had a bug bite on the back of his neck that he kept picking at, and it got very red and swollen, so I decided to bring him to the pede's office to get it checked out. As I'm trying to get his shoes on so we can get in the car he is refusing to cooperate and doing that limp body thing. I picked him up and was in mid-swing to sit him on the coffee table when my ankle rolled and I started to fall. I tried to bring him closer to the floor, but I had to let him go, (I felt guilty about this after-what kind of mothering instinct is this? Throwing your kid into the air to land on the floor, but when I thought about it-I had to let him go because my only other choice was to slam him into the floor with me. ) I watched him fly and land, he's laying on the floor understandably upset-I've just twisted my ankle so I can't get up yet, so I grabbed him by his foot and pulled him to me so I could pick him up. Again he was fine in a few seconds, I however limped around for two days. Here is the worst part though...at the doctors office a little bit later she is looking at his neck and starts looking at the area around the bite, and pointing to the back of his head says what's this? I look and see a red bump. I have no choice but tell this woman "yeah..umm... that just happened. We both fell before we left the house, I twisted my ankle" She stops looks at me and says "ok" and goes back to what we are doing.

yeah-I frequently leave marks on my children right before I take them to the doctor!

so don't you just want to be my kid? Maybe I should just have them wear helmets if I'm gonna pick them up?

i don't like it.

2008-05-22T07:18:00.003-04:00

i don't like it when my baby is teething

i don't like it when my baby is teething and gets congested and then coughs all night this tight yucky cough that makes me wonder if it's just a cough or something worse, so i can't sleep, cause i'm listening to it.

i don't like it when my older son gets up in the middle of the night too.

i don't like it when i have to work 16 hours the next day, even if i didn't get any sleep.

i don't like it when i have the opportunity to go home early from work, and i'm told i can, only to be called back 5 minutes later and told it isn't budget concious so i have to work until midnight.

i don't like it when i have to call my husband back and tell him no, that i'm not coming home after all, they were just screwing with me again.

i don't like it when i get home at midnight to a whiney coughing baby and a whiney tired husband who has to go work in five hours but hasn't been to sleep yet.

i don't like it when i wake up feeling like a mac truck hit me.

i don't like it when i'm supposed to be at the gym right now, but i had to reschedule for tomorrow cause i just don't have it in me right now.

i love it when nap time rolls around, cross your fingers for me that they nap together today.

revenge!

2008-05-19T21:26:00.003-04:00

probably should not be blogging this but....too funny not to share.

hubby has always been the person to tend to ummmm, hair in places that needed tending. I shave my own legs and pitts, but you know i'm not letting just anyone down there!
(personal beliefs-i'm not a little girl and have no desire to look like one, but still, needs some tending) this has been going on for years,and we have tried just about every hair removal option there is. i know it's weird, most peoples significant others are not involved in maintance, but it's my marriage, and we'll do things our way, thankyouverymuch!

tonight though...revenge! hubby has been bothered by the sudden increase in back and shoulder hair.(what can i say he's 30!) he has been nagging me to get a wax kit so we could take care of it. for the record, it didn't really bother me, guys are supposed to be hairy, and i love my guy hair or no hair. i told him this too. but it bothered him so i bought the kit (nads hair removal strips) and went to town.

his back looks much better-although redder, and i'm ashamed to admit that i giggled through the whole thing, while he snipped back at me," i'm glad you find this funny", and "you're sadistic."
i sweetly reminded him this was entirely his idea....

we are going to bed now, but i'm still giggling to myself-i've been waxing stuff for years-brow, lip, down below-now he knows what i go through so i can look girly for him!

the kid in me (brought out by my children)

2008-05-19T09:43:00.005-04:00

Five minutes for mom is having a contest, you need to post a pic showing the spirit of childhood, and I immediately thought of this one:

this picture is of my son this past christmas, he was two years old at the time.

what inspires this kind of wonder and delight in a two year old?

Santa Claus!

This picture was snapped as Santa walked into the room at a holiday party we attended, and it will always be one of my favorites.

I don't think I have a better picture to capture the spirit of childhood, and seeing this look on my sons face, I felt like a litte kid again too, remembering how amazing it was to just believe.

nosey neighbors (where i get to be the nosey neighbor)

2008-05-17T21:07:00.005-04:00

This evening we were talking over the fence with our neighbors, these are good friends of ours. while we were talking their tenent came over ( they rent the first floor of their home) and told us that the man who owned the house next to them had a family of squirrels in his roof and had covered the hole this afternoon trapping 3 babies inside. She had been watching the mother squirrel and one of the babies go back and forth all afternoon trying to get back inside. We all talked about how awful this was, but noone was willing to say anything to him.

I thought about it and decided that maybe a little peer pressure would convince him to fix the situation. I went up to the door i took ben and my neighbors teenage sons came with me. ( I thought the tenent was there too until I turned around and saw she went hiding in her apartment. )

you wouldn't kill a lady with a really cute baby would you?

I knocked on the door and very nicely told the man who I was, that maybe he wasn't aware that when he covered the hole he trapped some of the baby squirrels inside, that I understood that he didn't want squirrels in his house, that I didn't want them in mine either, and that my husband would be able to help him if he wanted help to get them out, that we had ladders and lots of gloves. He told me that this was an uncomfortable conversation to have about squirrels, that he didn't think their were any more in there when he covered it, he had listened and hadn't heard anything. I explained some of the other neighbors had noticed the mother going crazy trying to get to them. I also threw in there that I obviously was a bleeding heart(-and he readily agreed), that I had a soft spot for babies since I had a couple.

I told him I didn't want to keep him, again offered our help, and walked back up to our neighbors house.

As far as I can tell I have done absolutely no good and could possibly have pissed off a neighbor,

but i had to try.

would you have said anything?

T.M.I.

2008-05-12T13:33:00.003-04:00

ok so today so far will has said that his poops came out of his "crumper" what in the heck is a crumper? and no noone around here uses the crapper word...

just now he told me the dog has donuts on the inside....wtf? we don't even eat donuts!

and since we are on a bizarre post, here is a few things that have happened at work lately:

i was holding a urinal for a patient, and things were going ...ummm as expected, until he was done peeing and gave an extra little squeeze, and i watched as a stream shot over the urinal and up my arm......good times... that's a first.

a nurse was traveling (to another part of the hospital) with her patient to a test, she was required to travel with him as he needed to stay on a heart moniter. she approached me as they were about to leave with a safety pin in her hand and said "you'll love this!" she then told me her bra clasp had broken, and it hooked in the front! she then left the floor safety pin in hand.

the phone rings and the secretary answers it, it is a woman whispering into the phone that she is on the fourth floor and they won't let her out, and then why are they keeping me here? after a few confused questions the secretary realizes that she is talking to a woman from our floor, who's room is about 15 feet from where she is sitting. she tells the patient she is on the first floor and she will send her nurse in, this patient is very confused and keeps trying to leave her room, due to her illness she needs to stay in it but of course cannot understand or remember this, so we constantly are sending her back to her room. when the nurse is told her patient called, her only answer is "great, now she learned how to use the phone" as she walks away.

random stuff..

2008-05-07T06:58:00.004-04:00

I know I keep disappearing, and I don't mean to honest! everyday just flies by lately before I know it we are climbing back in bed-admittedly my favorite part of the day, I love my new bed! ohhh yeah i promised pictures, excuse me while i go take some!
ok here they are:

we just bought the bedspread last weekend, that bed is soooo comfy!

my bureau, complete with flash!

dave's bureau

wills big boy bed and bureau

ok that's enough show and tell!

I entered Ben into a local radio contest, you can go here to see the picture and vote if you want to

http://www.92probabyidol.com/vote.aspx?Id=3931

how about some will-isms?
the other day I surprised him when I came around a corner, he said "why you square me mom?"

last night he told me he was going to "grow up a fireman"

if anything happened in the past it happened last night-"mom rebumbra last night..."

I have to clean my house-it's starting to get out of control again and I was just getting somewhere! I should take a picture of my folded socks in my draw, that's a miracle! On that note laundry to do.

work issues

2008-04-28T20:45:00.004-04:00

*this is not my usual mommy blog post, and I used lots of jargon-I will be happy to explain anything to my regular non-medical readers.

I don't usually write about work, there are lots of reasons for that. I have never hid the fact that I have a blog from my coworkers, and I worry about revealing too much about the patients I take care of.

Things are changing in the hospital that I work in. This is the only level one trauma center in our state, we have 1000+ beds, and 11,000+ employees. It's a teaching hospital and a small city all by itself. It seemed like the best place to start out as a new grad, that I would be where the action was, see a lot and learn a lot.

In the five years that I have worked there, upper management (president/ceo/director of nursing) has changed drastically, it feels as if no one is in charge, like the rules are being made up at will. We have had three incidents of wrong surgery site in the last year. Every week there seems to be some new policy, or procedure, or extra piece of paperwork that the nurse is responsible for. From Christmas on the pace seemed to just pick up until it was at a pace that was not possible to keep up with. All nurses where routinely staying an hour or more after their shifts to be able to finish their work. Extra beds were being placed in rooms that only had one oxygen and suction set up. We recently lost 6 good nurses. Smart, good common sense, experienced nurses. People who just decided they were done, it was time to move on.

Suddenly now we have had a huge drop in patient census. Odd since other area hospitals are not having the same issue. There is no overtime, units are being closed, including MICU, and step downs. Due to this it was decided that medical floors like mine would begin taking long term vents. Traditionally these vents would go to the RICU, but they are so full of "stable" vents that they don't have room for new patients needing beds. Apparently at some point in the past medical floors did take vents, this was before my time. I don't have an issue with learning how to manage a vent patient, but I don't think it is too much to ask that we get some training. Little things like, how does a vent attach to a patient, what do I do if it malfunctions, what do the alarms mean, what do the settings mean. It was agreed that some training would occur before we got a patient, and that the patients were to be placed near the nursing station so that we could monitor them more closely.

Of course this weekend we got a vent a patient, of course we did not get any training, of course the patient was placed as far away from the desk as possible when there were empty beds right near the nurses desk. Of course when we came on shift saturday morning we were upset, of course the nursing supervisors didn't care, of course the patients family was upset they were on a floor that didn't have the knowledge they needed to care for this patient, and wanted to be in the RICU where they always go. As we are talking we find out the patient does not have an ambu bag at the bedside, and did not travel with one to our floor, as they were told they didn't need one. So something like 10-12 hours later before that one was caught. We also did not have the appropriate trach size in the hospital. Luckily the family had brought one with them.

Long story short we had a nurse on the floor with some previous step-down experience (however brief) and the supervisors felt that she should be given the patient. She objected as she had not worked with a vent in years, got yelled at and told she had to. The nurse who the patient was actually assigned to was offended that the patient was just being taken away from her, and while the whole supervisor thing was going on went ahead and contacted the doctor and managed to get the patient moved to RICU as the family wanted.

I'm feeling that this hospital is in a decline, and I'm nervous because all of my work experience is in this hospital. I chose to work here because I thought it was the best place to be, that it meant something, but now I'm starting to worry that it will be perceived as "that hospital". I wonder if this is just cyclical, and it will pass, I hope so. In the meantime I wonder if i should make a change, or just stick it out.

quick post

2008-04-25T15:59:00.002-04:00

today i am spending just about 800.00 to fix a car that's not broken, it needed an oil change, then it needed it's 30,000 mile tune up, now it also needs front breaks, oh well at least we have the money right now! 6 months ago i would have had to say no.

i'm supposed to be cleaning but i'm blogging, ( i will keep it short though) little boy undies don't wash themselves.

i felt better after the gym yesterday but it didn't really last, i was just tired all day, but went to bed early and have been better today, still tired but not cranky at least! alright whiney three year old says i'm done blogging!