For the past week I have been home with sick kids. At first it was my oldest, while my younger guy was ok. On one of those nights, my bigger boy feel asleep early, which left me cuddling with just Ben. When you have more than one kid, on those rare times when you have just one to give your undivided attention to you take full advantage of it.  I sometimes feel guilty that my younger son has never known what is like to have two parents giving him full attention all the time. It does not hurt that he adores his big brother, which is something Will never had, so I suppose it balances.
So we are cuddling, then we get a little silly, and this happens: (Be warned, these are not good pictures of me. Thanks to my blackberry being ever-present, I was able to capture something I never would have otherwise.)

These pictures are far more real than what I usually post on the internet, no nice cropping or even cleavage covering(that last one). I love them, simply because they capture what was a very sweet moment between me and my littlest guy. That right there is what my life is about.

another stellar parenting moment...

Earlier today my son called me into the bathroom, to well...complete the cleaning up process. (wipe his butt). So while I was there I noticed he needed a little lotion. We were at my inlaws house, so they don't have desitin readily available. I opened the cupboard and scanned for whatever options were there. The first thing my eyes fell on was a bottle of ben-gay.

And then I just forgot that I was talking to my four year old potty obsessed child, and I said out loud "well we don't want to use that, cause that would be like my butt, my butt, my butt is on fire!" Complete with a little song and dance on the end. When I saw my childs eyes WIDE open while he laughed, hard. I realized I just handed him the keys to potty humor kingdom, and he confirmed it when he started singing and dancing along to my little tune!

I promise I'm a good mother..but really, someone should just stop me from talking to my kids!!

the strength of women

I have a friend, who is struggling with her health, and now her marriage is over, with no more than a flip comment from a selfish man. She faces surgery, tomorrow, knowing her husband will be moving out by the middle of next week.

I have a friend, who is living a shell of a marriage, because she needs her living situation and wants to provide some stability for her children.

I have a friend who has realized that something about her youngest child is different, and is trying to find out what he needs and get him appropriate services, while working against her husbands issue of his child being less than perfect.

I have a friend who is at a crossroads in her marriage, and about to uproot their lives to get in a place where they can put it all back together.

I have a friend who is tired of being a doormat. Her family of origin expects she will just do for them, without bothering to ask her opinion. She is at that place where she is deciding what kind of woman she will be and making decisions that are moving her away from how she was raised.

It seems to me that woman as a whole carry these things. We just get up everyday, pull on our big girl panties and do. We do whatever needs to be done, we drink more coffee, we get less sleep, we eat too much chocolate. Sometimes it sucks to be a girl.

The thing is though...women rock. We are dynamic, changing, we absorb what comes at us and grow. We are every day getting stronger. What makes women special? Men don't have this ability. The man you marry, is the man you will have. They are human they grow and learn. They are not women. I think the reason for this is simple. We have each other.

When women talk, we are not just chatting, we are sharing our life experiences. I know who to call when my son has hit a stage I just cannot fathom, I know who to call when I'm worried about my marriage, I know who to call when I need a laugh, I know who to call when I need to vent, I know who to call when I need to go out and have fun. When any of these women need me, I drop everything and go, as they do for me.

My friends are from very different walks of life, different ages, different upbringings, different jobs. Each of them has taught me something, and I have passed on what I know. This is the power of women.

I would be screwed without them.

wow! are we blue-collar

I was wandering around my house-I mean cleaning it, yeah that's it, I was cleaning! When I noticed my work sneaker, on top of my husbands work boots. Nothing says we are blue collar more than some shoes meant for work, am I right? It's all good though, as long as we are taking care of them:

Woman's work

Was discussing motherhood with my mom this morning. That is always an interesting conversation. She once said to me..."you know if I could do it all over again, I'm not sure I would have had kids." I was a little offended, being you know HER KID. Her point at the time was that I did not have kids yet, and that I did not have to have them, it wasn't a given, and if I wanted to choose differently I could. Again at the time, just really offended, but we are a rather blunt family, there isn't a whole lot of couching things in niceties, we just throw out whatever thought we are currently thinking. (It has taken a lot to learn how to be professional and business appropriate when I put on my RN hat)

I get my mom's point now, 4.5 years into motherhood with two sons to show for it. My husband and I have been together forever. We have known each other longer. We waited to have kids, and had been married 5 years before our first son was born. I know this man, inside out and backwards. I knew he was all about family, I knew he would be a great dad. Then we had our first son.

He reacted in ways I could never have seen coming, and went into PROVIDER mode. Buy a house quick! Tear it apart and remodel it NOW! After five months of whirlwind activity GETTING READY we brought home our first baby, who we both wanted. We were happy, hell we were on a new baby high like no other. Then he withdrew. He was here, he did everything I asked of him, but he had no idea what being a dad was..and freaked out!! It took him about two months to pull out of it. I was annoyed, but understood, he had never been a dad before..he had never been around babies before, and he was here physically, he was holding and changing his son, he did whatever needed to be done. He was just lost. (I have no explanation for his exact same reaction when we had our second child-I guess this is just how he handles it.)

My point? Is that parenthood changes us, in ways we cannot see or expect. I slowly came to realize that my marriage was no longer a partnership where we both worked full time and tended to whatever had to happen in the house 50/50. Slowly things shifted. We decided I would go back to work 24 hours instead of 32, eventually I bid into a 12 hour shift position, so I could just work two days a week. With all that being home, house stuff just fell to me. My husband is serious about his PROVIDER role to this day-(even though I am well paid, and have a job) and looks for side work, which certainly helps our finances, but keeps him away more than either one of us really like.

Life with kids is busy, and to get back to my point about motherhood-I was unhappy with the new role I could see was becoming mine. I was actually kind of pissed about it, that whole 'women's work' thing was never for me. Before I was anyones mother I thought it was a load of malarky-that I refused to believe would be my role in life. I hate housework, I would never organize anything ever if I didnt have to. I'm not bothered enough by general mess to feel like I want to spend my time cleaning it. Woman's work is not a myth- it is all true, and if you want to be anyones mother-you had best just suck it up and move on. I'm not saying I do it espeically well, but I had better do it, if we want things like food, clean dishes, clean clothes and place for the kids to play that is you know safe. Since I am lucky enough to be the parent home most of the time with my boys-this family has come to expect that I am the person to make things happen.

So THIS morning, a Saturday, my husband is again working out of the house all day, the day after I worked and have not had enough sleep and I look like this:

I woke up to the baby yelling in his crib MAMA!!! DADDEE!!!! over and over again. I came downstairs in within 3 minutes of being awake, the dog started the I would like to go out now dance-because somehow she can never ask my husband who has been up for two hours already, Dave asked me to make him coffee as he was running late, and my sons started nagging me for milk, the house is mess, and the baby needs to be changed. Dave is running around telling me he needs laundry, and a few other things that need my attention. Good morning to you too!

"Woman's work"

How did I get this job?

Bringing back some beach

I decided it was time for a facelift around here. I made the new banner with pictures of my kids from the summer. Lately I have just really been missing how relaxing it was to go chill at the beach with my kids for the afternoon, for a while there we were going once or twice a week. I cannot think of a better way to spend time with you kids. There is magic in building sandcastles, splashing in salty water and letting beach sand wear of the winter callouses on your feet.

Maybe now that it is November I should take the beach things out of my car?

a wonderful woman

I met Anissa just a few weeks ago at the aiming low event in Boston. I knew she was part of aiming low as I had been following their twitter stream all day and had been seeing her picture in her avatar. When she walked up to me, she greeted me as if she knew exactly who I was. She was on her way over to the bar and asked if I had a drink, I explained that I never knew what to order and she said..oh get an "amy lo" we have our own drink now! I guess I looked unsure, because she swept me up with her and ordered me an amy lo. I thanked her and went back to my friend, as she was obviously busy.

Later she came to our table and sat with us, we talked for a little bit. I remember being amazed by her warmth, her ability to make a person feel so comfortable so easily. I remember being surprised by how much I liked her and how quickly.

Anissa has a heck of a road ahead of her, but she has dealt with a lot in her lifetime. She is a strong woman, and I believe that there is power in positive thoughts. I have been thinking of her non-stop since I saw the tweets pour in yesterday. I wish her family well, and I will be donating as these kinds of illness's take a toll on a family emotionally and financially, I urge everyone to do the same.

Go here for to get info, leave a comment, or donate or send gifts.
http://aiminglow.com/2009/11/hope-for-anissa/