Friday, November 28, 2008


My head is full,

One of my patients is a little woman, who I can tell has been very independent her whole life, her daughter is by her bedside. This family has come off as really demanding, but after spending some time with them I can see what they are concerned about. I'm watching this daughter worry about the level of pain her mother is in, what is causing the pain, the meds needed to treat the patient. After the mom is painfully transferred to a stretcher and wheeled to a biopsy that is sure to be painful, I'm in the room with her daughter who is wiping tears away. I reassure her that there are other meds they may be able to give down there that I don't have access too, that I would be upset too if I knew my mom was hurting, that I would call her when her mom gets back, and I'll keep a close eye on her. It isn't enough, but it's all I can say.

Today, the day after Thanksgiving, my husbands family is talking about hospice for his 90 year old grandmother. I feel like a conductor of a train I don't want to get on. Because of my health background I have seen families go through this process, and truthfully my in-laws have already been through this before I even joined the family with his grandfather. I just feel like it's my job in some way to guide them, or more specifically my husband through, and I'm not all that sure I'm even qualified. Waiting for the word, wondering if this is really going to happen within the next four weeks before Christmas. Knowing that I cherish this woman, for how wonderful she was to my husband as a child, to my sons, how when she knew who I was she was always wonderful to me. I don't want to watch my husband and his family suffer, I don't want her to be gone, I especially don't want to have a conversation with my three year old about death.

And finally thinking of my own mother, and maybe how I may end up in these situations with her one day, knowing who she is, what she has accomplished in her life. I think I'll call her and tell her that I love her.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

A big moment!

So here is the big news at our hourse this week!

(Will kept running naked through my video of Ben walking-that is why daddy isn't happy with him)
But Ben was so proud of himself!

Obviously we have much to be thankful for around here, and I would like to wish you all a wonderful holiday and company of families and full bellies!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

a great man

I was reading motherbumpers blog post-(I met her at BlogHer Boston and I think she rocks!)

and she was doing a meme I just had to do. This one:

So then I got curious just what is my sixth picture in my sixth file?

This one:

That man is my step dad, he came into our lives after a really bad point in my families history, and married a woman with three kids in junior high and younger. We were truly broken and just surviving at that point, he came into our family and made us whole again. He is holding Ben who is about 2 months old in this picture, it was thanksgiving, about 6pm, it was dark out.

I cannot put in words how much this man means to me. He was willing to take on a broken family, he was willing to go through three kids in their teenage years. He was willing to teach me to drive which was no small feat my friends, (I may have ran down a fence post, stalled the car a half million times, almost got us killed going too slow on the highway, and possibly ran a stop sign) He takes care of my mother, who most of the time is a very independent person and wants no help from anyone, but has a chronic condition that has caused her to need taking care of every so often, and she falls and sprains things a lot. He rarely loses his temper, he always does the right thing even if it is the hard thing. I learned a lot from this man, and I hope my kids, his grandkids do too.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I missed nablopomo!

I really enjoy national blog posting month. I love the challange of coming up with something everyday, even if I have admittedly put up some pretty lame stuff at the end of the day!

This year November 1st when by before I noticed, and on November 2nd I turned to my husband and complained that I had missed the first day. He said good less pressure and I have to say this year a part of me agreed, it was a relief, but mixed with some sadness. I'm the kind of girl that needs to be held to a standard-if you saw my house right now you would agree, I need pressure to get anything done!

I toyed with the idea of writing a book, but I'm just not that good a writer, and to be honest I just don't know how to put a book together. When I have something in my head to write that I'm feeling passionate about than I can pull it off, but when I don't it just sort of wanders..

So I'm not sure were this is I just start posting every day for the hell of it? Do I attempt a book, maybe just a string of essays-I think I could handle that. What do you think?

Wednesday, November 5, 2008