shred me (or i shred myself)

So I have decided to become a shred-head. The thing is people have been commenting on my weight loss lately, and I haven't been doing anything in particular, just smaller portions, less snacks, more coffee. Honestly that is it. What has been bothering me though is my butt, back, legs have gotten noticeably smaller, my jaw line has more definition, but this two c-section stomach, not going anywhere anytime soon. I can pull on some of my old size 16 jeans, but zipping and buttoning not so much an option even if they look great on my butt. I'm also really short 4' 11" so a little weight ends up making a big difference in sizes. (since you know it only has so many places to go!) People are usually surprised when they hear how much I weigh, and a few poor people have tried to pick me up just to be surprised how heavy I am.

And no, I'm not telling you! Or taking before and after pics thanks!

So I saw the shredhead blog before, and read a few things and saw that involved lots of sweating and pain, things I have avoided most of my life. I thought how admirable it was for these people to do this for themselves, but not for me thanks. I saw a tweet about starting a new group in august and it just seemed right, and I could have a buddy? I so need a buddy!

It isn't officially august yet but I went ahead and checked my on demand from verizon, and what do you know part one of the shred is there! I know you need three pound weights, but I don't know where in this house I have three pound weights. So I decided to use my 10's. I knew that was going to be rough, but I have kids, and they were happy playing upstairs right at that moment-so I just went for it. (I also have to work this weekend, so figured starting a day early was a good idea, as I probably will not be doing this on sat or sun)

So here is my breakdown for the first day:
Holy shit!
I did ok for the first 5-10 minutes, by the 10 minute mark I was red faced, breathing hard and frustrated. Then my kids came into the living room, got in the way, asked me for stuff, and took my weights-(which freaked me out cause far to heavy for a four year old. ) I got annoyed sent out a tweet that reflected my frustration. The boys magically cleared out of the living room when I stopped exercising, so I snuck back in and finished the video as best as I could.

What I really liked about the video was Jillian, she was encouraging but tough at the same time. And while she was in my living room, (what she doesn't step out of the tv at your house?) I agreed that I wasn't going to get abs doing nothing, so I did a few more. Honestly I think she hypontized me with her rockin bod! The 10 lb weights were way to much, but I have used weights before, so I started the weights each time, and when I knew I was done I put them down and kept doing the exercise.

At this point I am feeling proud that I attempted it even though it was a very poor showing! I am going to do this, although it may take me more than thirty days to get through! I am not holding myself to doing it on workdays, I work 12-16 hour shifts, and I already have to get up at 5 to get to work on time. If I do work the 16 hour shift I usually end up getting to bed around 1am. that is just too many hours to be awake to try to fit in Jillian!

Here we go, jumping on the bandwagon!

rethinking my writing

After thinking yesterday that maybe I will be able to attend blogher in 2010, I started thinking about my blog and the poor quality and quantity of writing here. The truth is I have been holding back here because I know that friends and family do check in here sometimes. I have learned a lot about myself in my blogging journey, it is easy to put up a cute post or video about my kids and their never ending sillyness and love of life. It is harder to write about what is really going on your head, good, bad and ugly, or maybe just a little off color!

My blog needs to grow and change as I have grown and changed, and I very much have since I started blogging, but I hesitate to say too much, to offend, to complain. Who wants to read that? What if I hurt feelings? How far am I willing to go really?

I read the liveblog-blogging as storytelling. I have stories, lots of stories, but they are heavy, and hard, and not just mine. I struggle with how much it is ok to write, but it seems to me that the bloggers I love to read, the ones I check daily, are the ones who can put it all out there, and do. I have tried to stick to safe writing, but safe is not the same as interesting or real.

I think I will take this year 7/2009-8/2010 and develop my blog into a more accurate reflection of me, not just the mommy me, but the nurse me and the bargin hunter me, and the wife me, and the woman me. We are all in here, and all these sides of me need and deserve some expressing. At some point I think most woman just go screw it, this is me, like it or not, cause I am ok with me.

Yeah, I'm there.

poor spelling and punctuation, but at least I posted something!

I am reading posts from all over the blog-o-sphere, about blogher, and for the third year I am shoving aside feelings of just plain old disappointed that I missed it. For the third year in a row, I am telling myself that maybe next year I will be able to attend-it does not hurt at all that it looks like it is supposed to be in new york which is a very short flight, a train ride, or a car trip away. maybe next year, the boys will be a little older, maybe I will be able to pull it off!

Also sick with some god awful virus, so officially doing as little as possible today, but the boys have been really good all day-have either been chilling on the couch or the deck while they played. honestly for a sick mom day this wasn't so bad. now if i could only get rid of the killer headache and bodyaches!

I am amazed with my boys lately, Will is growing into a very kind boy who takes good care of his brother-and is getting much better at following direction, although he is fresh-working on it, working on it. Ben is freaking me out how smart he is. he is now speaking in little two or three word sentences. he seems to know things without being told or shown. and if shown something once, he knows how to do it. so different than his worry-wart older brother who needs to be shown things hand over hand or he just wanders off and stops paying attention.

We did a long awaited home improvement project this weekend, we were given some stools for our island that were sturdy if ugly.

Four years later we finally did something about it!

before:

after:

.... and yes my house is always messy! Did you spot the flea market purse hanging on the chair? love that bag-cheap too! So yes we got rid of the god awful brown fabric that absorbed everything spilled on it, and put on some nice wipeable neutral vinyl-that little project took most of a day sanding, pulling staples, painting, recovering, but we now have three very nice looking stools!

Ok time to cook! Supper apparently does not make itself, damn.

can't touch this!

Finishing day 7 of single parenthood....hopefully to be ended sometime this weekend. Dave is on an extended side job and has only been here to sleep and shower lately. So I have had to get creative with filling the time-thanking god this was wills first camp week, and also beautiful weather so they could play outside!! Also thanking god that he is not in camp next week, cause man am I tired of all this running around. Maybe i should just homeschool....I cant imagine how bad this will stink when I have to take one to preschool and the other to school school. ugh, just ugh. Wait no-that would never work, he doesnt listen to me now!

So while I look the fact that I have to work the weekend and somehow get this place clean and bills paid tonight-a follow up to that little video in my last post




This song came on as a commercial, that I had to rewind a few times since they liked it so much.
My boys-they like the music!

also remember this?



here is bens version:

the boys rocking out

sorry it turns sideways! sometimes i forget i'm not taking a picture!

why yes that is my sons rocking out to nickelback, why is "something in your mouth" an inappropriate song choice? really i'm a good mom, honest!

oh damn-probably going to hell!