bitchfest

just so everyone knows what all the bitching is about...and to explain the new button immediately to the right, Her bad mother is hosting a bitchfest over the long weekend. So I've decided to participate and loan out my blog for a fellow bitcher.

What this is about really is you know how sometimes you just have stuff you would like to say, to unload, to get off your chest, but you don't dare post it on your own blog because people from your real life read it, or the content just doesn't fit your blog or your audience? For this purpose then a bitchfest. It's not an exchange, so I will not be posting on the blog of the person who posts here, I'm assigned to someone else. If you want to see what I have to bitch about email me and I"ll be happy to tell you where-except if you are a direct relation to me, then you are on your own!

check it out here: http://herbadmother.blogspot.com/2008/08/betchfest-ho.html

my immediate thoughts in bullet form

just a few bullet points cause I don't want to sit down and write a real post right now.

• I lost my camera, I don't think it's lost/gone or lost/stolen, I think I put it somewhere in my house and cannot remember where. It's driving me crazy though and I want it back! I use that thing almost every day. It's on the to do list for today-MUST FIND CAMERA! Ben is moving people, and clapping and waving and giving kisses and climbing stairs, and I'm missing it all!
• I've discovered a new time consuming hobby-the drugstore game. I'm now obsessed with scanning sale ads and finding coupons to match up, I have totally changed the way I shop in the last 3-4 weeks and now only want things as cheaply as I can get them. Trust me there is a post in this, and maybe some sidebar features, just haven't sat down to figure it all out.
• Will starts preschool on the 8th, excuse me (sniff, sniff, wiping tear away) how is this possible? he will go three days a week, and have a ton of great stuff to do like swim lessons and music and yoga besides classroom type stuff, there will be field trips, FIELD TRIPS FOR THREE YEAR OLDS!
• Did I mention three and half sucks? We whine, we cry, we don't listen, we push boundries, we climb and touch EVERYTHING without asking, we talk back..good times.
• House covered in clothing I am trying to sort and put away or bag up to store. Mess.

That is what we are up too in a nutshell, I have stuff to write but no time now!

half naked crazy men

I'm still chuckling as I type this, I'm at work, I'm charge nurse again, I'm orienting a new nurse again.
Part of the charge role is handling any problems that come up on the floor, be that patient or staffing, or problems with families, arguments between staff, whatever.

Tonight we had a staffing issue, I spent about an hour and half on the phone calling nurses at home to ask if they feel like working. While I'm doing that a confused but fairly able bodied patient who has a person in the room with him at all times to watch him and is wearing a posey vest (a vest that has ties that keep him in the bed so he doesn't fall) manages to get out of the vest, and jump out of his bed and run down the hall. The problem being he pulls out a chest tube ( a tube that goes into the lung and drains air or fluid that shouldn't be there) and breaks his iv line tubing while doing it.

We walk him back to his room where he announces he needs to use the bathroom, NOW. we sit him down and I notice his IV line is dripping blood, I pinch it off and tell another nurse that we can probably save his IV if we get the peice that connects to it.

Now picture this, I'm standing in a tiny bathroom with a half naked wild man, bent over and pinching off his iv line with my fingers so it doesn't drip> Security shows up too late as usual so there are about three security guards in and around the room, two other nurses and and about two cna's cleaning up the room and bed so we can put this man back into it.

At this time a supervisor from the nursing office comes into the room, pokes her head around the bathroom door and yells over a nurse at me, "so what's going on with your staffing?"

I was so surprised I blinked at her, than gathered myself and said-"Well we are in the middle of an emergency right now and I can't talk to you but I'll be there in a minute."

Does anyone else but me find it odd that a supervisor would want to talk about staffing while I'm in a tiny bathroom with a crazy half naked man?

Yup still giggling as I'm writing this...nursing is a crazy job!

ooh yeah...then as I'm walking down the hall a little later the iv nurse comes out of that same room yelling "ok, do you need anything else?" and I answer the first thing that I can think of "A lobotomy and some tights!" Thouroughly confusing her. Points if you know where I got that quote from. Maybe a prize too if I can think of something good.

I'm not supposed to actually kill him right?

Ok so the other day I decided to get together with a friend of mine who has a little boy the same age as Will. We see them often and the boys get along really well. This day I knew Will had gone to bed late the night before, but he was doing fine, and takes much later naps lately.



We went to a park and hit a childrens place,(kids clothing store) then decided to have lunch at applebees. As the meal went on Will was getting more and more hyper, was having a hard time listening. This is all typical for him when he is tired, my friend was asking us to come back to her house, but Ben hadn't napped all morning and I could tell from Wills behavior that we needed to finish up and head home for nap time.



That was where I went wrong.



I thought he was going to get more cranky, more whiney, I thought that I had time to get him home, I thought he might even fall asleep on the way home.



nope



My kid turned into one of those screaming, thrashing, snot running down his face, hiding under the table kids.



You know when you drag the double stroller out of the restaurant and the baby and the purse and the diaper bag, open the stroller and strap the baby in, and then stop some random young pretty waitress and say "Would you please stay here with my baby so I can get my screaming toddler out of your restaurant" and watch her eyes get wide.....



then you go back in the restaurant to find your friend completely wide-eyed, and she runs as soon as you get back, your child-who-has-never-misbehaved-in-public-before-ever has now taken off his shoes and thrown them and is still under the table screaming, you make a swipe for him and he dives to the other side. You get down on all fours crawl under the table, grab you kid by his bare foot pull him out by that foot, round up his shoes and carry him still screaming and trying to hit you out of the restaurant where the screaming and fighting continue all the way to the carseat, and he refuses to listen behave or do as told (including taking the nap he desperately needs) for oh....... the next four hours.



At one point he sauntered his little butt down the stairs, strolled into the living room, leaned on one hand against the coffee table, and said in his most snotty i'm really a grown up voice "You know mom, I told you in the car I wasn't taking a nap today."



In the end I could not get him to listen, and took away his chocolate milk for "the rest of the day-not even bedtime!" In desperation. His eyes were huge, he had no idea I could do that!



You know when the day was so bad, that you feel like your head split into two and all your brains oozed out cause you sort of have an odd empty headed feeling, and can't put a sentence together anymore?



You know when it's so bad that even when you wake up in the morning, you aren't angry any more, but couldn't really say you actually like that child....



but you get him his chocolate milk, and make sure you sit and cuddle him, and within an hour or so it's all alright, it's all back on track, and he does his three year old best to be sweet and listen....and you still love him, and even like him again?



yeah so we had that day this week....

It's a damn good thing he's cute!

back

Ok i'm back, apparently I needed a break from blogging. The last two week have just been heavy, dragging me down. Nothing life altering, just heavy things piling on me as the last two weeks went by. Things you want to blog about but can't, things you could blog about but don't know where to start, things you just don't want to put out there for the whole universe to read.

I'm dealing with those things, some of it just needs to sit in my head and on my heart till I find a way to live with it, those things are nothing that effects my personal life but more my idea of humanity. Other things require some action on my part and I'm coming up with a plan, or several plans for different issues. Those things are mine to come to terms with, but don't worry, I feel this is all normal, and sometimes as woman we come to a point where we have to stop and figure out what needs to change and how before we can move on and things can go back to normal, but a new good normal, you know? My marriage is not at risk, my family is healthy.

stay tuned for the story about how my son embarrased the shit out of me in public yesterday.

citizen of the month interview, meet T!

I signed up to do the citizen of the month interview, I was interviewed by sheilamia, you can see that here http://sheilamia.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/a-very-worthwhile-experiment/

I was paired up to interview T of Send Chocolate. You can visit her blog here http://casadecruz.blogspot.com/. Withing minutes of poking around her blog, I new I loved this woman and added her to my feed reader. This is a smart, funny woman who does what she needs to do for her family. My kind of woman. So here is the interview!



Hi T, I have been assigned the intimidating task of interviewing you. I first want to say that I have spent some time reading on your blog, and I immediately added you to my feed reader. I cannot begin to tell you how taken I am with your honesty in blogging, especially about what must be a sensitive topic-your children. Secondly happy birthday! Apparently we share it, I'm a July 10th girl too!

Hi Alison! I am sincerely flattered! Thanks for doing this! Happy belated bday! Also, feel free to edit my words!!
so here are the questions:


1) How was camp rock?

Camp Rock was a lot of fun. It was actually Spirit West Coast, in Monterey. It's a three day Christian music festival. Think Woodstock or Lilith Faire without the booze and nakedness. Our church took 55 high school students and we had a blast. I was telling a friend where I was going and she facetiously said, 'So you are going to Camp Rock, huh?" I said, "No! I am going to summer camp, at SWC... music and teenagers and ...summer camp? Wait, guess I am going to Camp Rock!"

2) Would you describe yourself as a "hang it all out there" blogger or do you keep certain things private?

Wow that's a really good question! I think that I do hang a lot out there. I say my life is an open book. I figure if my experience helps anyone, then it wasn't in vain. So I share a lot. I don't share a ton about my husband, because the blog is about my life and yes, he is a part of that life, but I respect his boundaries, the old poop. He is a lot more private than I am. And with my 14 yr old daughter, I always run things by her before I post about her, because she is, well, 14. It is a fine line, I guess.

3) I have a good idea of what your blog is about, but I would like to give you the chance to answer that in your own words. What you would like to accomplish with your writing?

I write for two reasons: to help those who deal with autism in their families know they are not alone and two: to maintain my own sanity. I would call myself a lifeblogger. Yes, I am a momma and a homeschooler and I have kids with autism. But I write about whatever I feel like writing about. I don't live in a box. I never have.

4) Do you have any hobbies, you know besides being crazy busy with a blog, a house, three kids, and homeschooling them too?

This is the part where I lie and tell you that I hike and do yoga (I actually used to, and still have a membership to the health club) and climb mountains and all of the things I wish I did, right? I used to read, but don't do a lot of that anymore. I guess my hobby is buying books at the bookstore that I don't end up reading! I am really active in my church youth group, because I am cool like that, and really, wouldn't you want meas a role model for your kids? I do all sorts of writing, so I guess that would be my hobby. And I read stories to my little one, can that count? I love the Pigeon...I don't get why he can't drive the bus.

5) Any dreams?

My dream is to be a published author. A prolific one. I want to freelance and do magazines. I want to further autism activism. I recently started writing for my county newspaper autism blog, so it's a start. I have a book or two in me, and yes, so does everyone who blogs...but I have wanted to do this for a long time, so it will happen!

6) I think I picked up that you are a lactation consultant, this is something I would like to explore as a future career path for myself, how long have you been doing this and what made you start?

I am a volunteer lactation consultant of sorts. I have been doing it for 6 years now. I nursed all three of my children, but once I had my last one, she was a preemie and I had to struggle to nurse her. I fought ignorance from the NICU nurses, and misinformation as well as a baby whose mouth was too small. She wanted to use the bottle, developed a horrid nipple preference, and there was no one to help me. I am stubborn, so I didn't give up. Once she was older, I started attending La Leche League meetings.

7) I read that you chose to homeschool and why, do you think in general there is a lack of good services in schools for autism?

You know, I never in a million years expected to homeschool. I was really involved in our neighborhood public school, doing the room mom thing and the PTA thing. At the same time, I was dealing with getting my son diagnosed with autism, attending IEP meetings and trying to get a program in place for him. The year he was diagnosed, he was in a mainstream classroom. And it just was not working. We all knew it wasn't working. But I think the attitude was, wait and see what happens next year. That really seems to be the mentality, at least through our district. And I was a very hands-on in, involved parent.
The placement they offered for the following year was not the right one for my son. They didn't have a mild to moderate classroom, so he was to be placed in the moderate to severe classroom for summer school. Since the teacher would send his class work home to finish, I was already homeschooling him.... we spent hours on homework each night. And, I have to say, he hated school so much, I literally had to drag him there, kicking and screaming each morning. Something had to give.
A week or so later, I was at a conference, and I attended a session called Homeschool 101, everything you need to know to start. I came home and told my husband I wanted to homeschool. It was truly a case of God going before me, because I had brought it up before and been met with the cold shoulder. This time the answer was, "When do we start?" I have been homeschooling for five years now, and two years ago, brought my oldest daughter home. She has been very happy and can now pursue her academic interests. I also homeschool my 7 yr old, as well.

8) How long do you homeschool each day and what kind of prep goes into that? (I know that's a huge question, just curious what it takes to homeschool. )

We homeschool about 4 hours a day, from about 9-1. After that, the kids do things that are academic, but free time and fun. Prep takes place before the school year starts, I read and review books and curricula, then order what I think I will need. During the schoolyear I would say it probably takes about two hours a week, usually on Sunday night, as I do the lesson plans for the week. Beyond that, it isn't as hard as some might think. We visit the library every three weeks and the kids get books. I could go into the different approaches, but instead, we will just say I am Eclectic and do a little bit of everything. Anyone can homeschool. In fact, if you help your child with homework, and go on family trips, you already are homeschooling!

9) Is there anything you would like to world to know about Autism?

It is cliche, but true: if you 've seen one kid with autism, you've seen ONE kid with autism. All of the kids are different, and it is amazing how different they are. Most kids with Asperger's or high-functioning autism really are social. They want to know you, they want to hang with you..they just aren't sure how to make that happen. The idea that kids with AS or HFA are not social is just patently false.

10) What kind of chocolate should we send?

Oh honey! Want to be my friend for life? I love dark chocolate, especially truffles!

Thank you T for the great interview, you'll be seeing me in comments at Send Chocolate!

summer photo contest

Long, long ago, back when Will was one and there wasn't a Ben yet we took a trip to this amazing place to spend time near the water and climb the rocks (about 30 mins away)

I love this picture taken on fathers day, of my husband being proud of his baby boy!

Posted as part of 5 mins for mom summer fun photo contest, which you can read about here:

http://www.5minutesformom.com/3898/win-500-in-our-summer-fun-photo-contest/

the prize is 500.00!

citizen of the month interview

I was wandering around the internet last week and stumbled into a new blog, Neil of citizen of the month is having everyday bloggers like myself interview each other. This way bloggers get a chance to meet each other. The list is ongoing, once you put your name on it you are interviewed by the person above you, and you interview the person below you, I have to say this is so much fun I would love to do it again. If you would like to get your name on the list to be part of this here is the link: http://www.citizenofthemonth.com/2008/01/18/the-great-interview-experiment/

I was interviewed by sheilamia, the interview is up if you would like to read it!
http://sheilamia.wordpress.com/2008/08/06/a-very-worthwhile-experiment/

Stay tuned for the interview I did with a great new blogger, she has my questions, just waiting for her answers!

the reality of being nurse

sometimes it really sucks to be the nurse standing by and watching horrible things happen to good people

I twittered this about 6 hours ago after spending the day taking care of a young man who got one of those talks from a team of doctors that you don't ever want to get. A man who found out today that not only will he never walk again, but he has a much bigger, much more life threatening problem on his plate. A man who does not have the luxury of having his family around him in his greatest time of need due to circumstances beyond his control.

I did the best I could for him today I stood by his bed and prayed "oh please, oh please, oh please" while we waited for the ok to make calls to his family, while we waited for a ringing phone to be answered. So he could do what we all do when we are in need, connect with our families.
I stood beside this man and held his hand as he made phone calls to his immediate family and explained how bad his situation was, a phone call they could have no way of anticipating.

I pushed back my own tears over and over again today, because it wasn't about me, he didn't need to see his nurse crying. He needed support, so that is what I did.
He won't get better, he may get more time, but he has small children, and a wife...that he hasn't seen in a year. Tomorrow is his birthday.

I came home and look at my own family with new eyes. It makes the things that frustrate me insignificant, my bad days he would give anything for. I'm ashamed to say that sometimes I need that reminder.

I'm thanking God right now for my two little boys tucked in there beds, for my healthy husband who comes home every night and most of all for getting to be here and just be with them.

It also makes me wonder if I should really be a nurse, should stuff really hit me this hard? Does everyone else walk away carrying this in the hearts and on their shoulders? I don't know how to put this kind of effort it and not have it take a peice of me, and I don't know if it is just me or all nurses....
but I'm working again at 7am tomorrow