finding our footing

this being the mother of two boys thing takes getting used too.

i didn't realize how much i enjoy my relationship with Will. i love the funny things he says, the cute way he says them-like when he has hiccups he says he has "gups in his tummy", he says "i a boy", today he told my mom his name was "no name", it just goes on and on. i love his little personality and just being around him. it sort of surprised me how i didn't automatically feel like that about Ben-i forgot i didn't always know Will like i do now, that it took time to get to know him and what to expect from him.

i look at Ben's little face- i see my husbands eyes, nose, ears, and coloring, but i don't know what makes this little boy tick yet, or what to expect from him. i forgot how mothering an infant is flying by the seat of your pants and hoping something works.

i didn't realize how much more you worry when there are two of them. did i remember to change will's diaper? did i offer him enough to drink?, did i find enough time to sit and hold and talk to him? did i put the baby down too much? is he getting enough physical contact, talking too, all the stuff he needs to grow. was Will too rough with Ben just then? i am always mentally taking stock of what i have done for who lately, have i done enough, am i enough for them?

simple things like housecleaning and laundry present all new challenges. i can't leave Will and Ben alone too long cause Will has a tendency to be a little rough and i don't want the baby smothered while i go to the basement to do laundry, so i try to wait until they are both sleeping or daddy is home...but i'm having a hard time keeping up with it. dishes must be done at the first available opportunity or putting away toys because you literally don't know when you might have time again.

as of right now we don't have much of a routine to speak of, Will still gets his naps and meals, but beyond that each day just comes as it comes. i have a feeling this mom of two thing evolves, we are almost 4 weeks into it. i would have to say we are doing ok, but i might have a different answer tomorrow