It's get real time.

Lately something has just clicked in my head. I need to be more healthy. I would also like to be thinner-who wouldn't? plus the all the jeans I own that fit my thighs and butt size 18 (old navy) will not zip since i had Ben-that second c-section is a doozy, love that belly flap! So I am wearing size 20 jeans that literally fall down and add lots of extra fabric in butt and thighs so they will close, add in that I have to roll them since I am so short-yeah pretty. I've also been feeling very dumpy lately, clothes that don't fit right, tired all the time, you know the drill. I kind of think 31 is a little too young to no longer feel sexy.

So weight loss is a desired outcome, but to be honest I'm a little more worried about my overall health-I didn't take my prenatal vitamins like I should have with Ben, or even now that I'm still breastfeeding. I definately eat horribly, either pick all day on nothing the least bit healthy, or not eat because there is nothing I can pick up and just eat. I get almost no exercise in my day to day routine (unless I am working).

Most of all though is my family history-and that is what scares me. My dad is 53 years old, two years ago he was complaining about angina-chest pain with exertion, but did nothing about it. So when Will was one he had the heart attack I knew was coming, apparently he had many areas of his heart either mostly or completely blocked and needed four stents. He ended up having many complications but the biggest was a stent that shifted, causing him a second and much worse heart attack, being rushed back to the hospital while he turned gray, developing a severe case of neutropenia-and a severe infection that almost killed him.

Did I mention that he is a diabetic whose blood sugars are frequently in the 400-600 range? that he has hypothyroidism? and that there is heart disease on my mothers side as well?

When I reported my dad's heart disease to my doctor he told me that woman generally get about another 10 years before they have a problem. That makes me 60. That puts my kids in their 30's. The time in their lives that they will be getting married, having kids, buying houses, establishing careers. Do I want my kids to have to have to interupt this stage of their life to rush to a hospital because mom didn't take care of herself when she could? What kind of grandmother do I want to be? Do I want to get on the floor and play with my grandkids?
Do I want to be physically able to take care of them so I can help my kids?

Here is the thing-while many other 30 year olds I know still feel they are young and they have time, I'm a med/surg nurse. My dad is the kind of patient I take care of, but I get to see them at 60 and 70 and 8o and 90. I know exactly what I'm going to look like by then if I choose not to do something about it...and that isn't what I want my future to be like.

This isn't just about wanting to be thin, (but i do) this is about making a decision right here and now, that I will not accept that as my future and the future my loved ones have to deal with because I chose not take care of myself.

there are a few mommies in the blogosphere that have made similar decisions for their own reasons you can visit them here:
http://amommystory.blogspot.com/2008/02/turning-point.html#links
and here:
http://cheatymonkey.com/?p=1000

for my part I'm getting real-I'm good at real. I'm going to share with you what I'm up too. At this point my focus is on getting more active. I will work on food, but for now I'm just trying to make some better choices and eat meals at meal times. No more pressure than that. I'm not really even weighing myself so far.

I'm thinking I will add something to my sidebar that I can post updates, I'll try to figure that out later today.