Woman's work

Was discussing motherhood with my mom this morning. That is always an interesting conversation. She once said to me..."you know if I could do it all over again, I'm not sure I would have had kids." I was a little offended, being you know HER KID. Her point at the time was that I did not have kids yet, and that I did not have to have them, it wasn't a given, and if I wanted to choose differently I could. Again at the time, just really offended, but we are a rather blunt family, there isn't a whole lot of couching things in niceties, we just throw out whatever thought we are currently thinking. (It has taken a lot to learn how to be professional and business appropriate when I put on my RN hat)

I get my mom's point now, 4.5 years into motherhood with two sons to show for it. My husband and I have been together forever. We have known each other longer. We waited to have kids, and had been married 5 years before our first son was born. I know this man, inside out and backwards. I knew he was all about family, I knew he would be a great dad. Then we had our first son.

He reacted in ways I could never have seen coming, and went into PROVIDER mode. Buy a house quick! Tear it apart and remodel it NOW! After five months of whirlwind activity GETTING READY we brought home our first baby, who we both wanted. We were happy, hell we were on a new baby high like no other. Then he withdrew. He was here, he did everything I asked of him, but he had no idea what being a dad was..and freaked out!! It took him about two months to pull out of it. I was annoyed, but understood, he had never been a dad before..he had never been around babies before, and he was here physically, he was holding and changing his son, he did whatever needed to be done. He was just lost. (I have no explanation for his exact same reaction when we had our second child-I guess this is just how he handles it.)

My point? Is that parenthood changes us, in ways we cannot see or expect. I slowly came to realize that my marriage was no longer a partnership where we both worked full time and tended to whatever had to happen in the house 50/50. Slowly things shifted. We decided I would go back to work 24 hours instead of 32, eventually I bid into a 12 hour shift position, so I could just work two days a week. With all that being home, house stuff just fell to me. My husband is serious about his PROVIDER role to this day-(even though I am well paid, and have a job) and looks for side work, which certainly helps our finances, but keeps him away more than either one of us really like.

Life with kids is busy, and to get back to my point about motherhood-I was unhappy with the new role I could see was becoming mine. I was actually kind of pissed about it, that whole 'women's work' thing was never for me. Before I was anyones mother I thought it was a load of malarky-that I refused to believe would be my role in life. I hate housework, I would never organize anything ever if I didnt have to. I'm not bothered enough by general mess to feel like I want to spend my time cleaning it. Woman's work is not a myth- it is all true, and if you want to be anyones mother-you had best just suck it up and move on. I'm not saying I do it espeically well, but I had better do it, if we want things like food, clean dishes, clean clothes and place for the kids to play that is you know safe. Since I am lucky enough to be the parent home most of the time with my boys-this family has come to expect that I am the person to make things happen.

So THIS morning, a Saturday, my husband is again working out of the house all day, the day after I worked and have not had enough sleep and I look like this:

I woke up to the baby yelling in his crib MAMA!!! DADDEE!!!! over and over again. I came downstairs in within 3 minutes of being awake, the dog started the I would like to go out now dance-because somehow she can never ask my husband who has been up for two hours already, Dave asked me to make him coffee as he was running late, and my sons started nagging me for milk, the house is mess, and the baby needs to be changed. Dave is running around telling me he needs laundry, and a few other things that need my attention. Good morning to you too!

"Woman's work"

How did I get this job?

Bringing back some beach

I decided it was time for a facelift around here. I made the new banner with pictures of my kids from the summer. Lately I have just really been missing how relaxing it was to go chill at the beach with my kids for the afternoon, for a while there we were going once or twice a week. I cannot think of a better way to spend time with you kids. There is magic in building sandcastles, splashing in salty water and letting beach sand wear of the winter callouses on your feet.

Maybe now that it is November I should take the beach things out of my car?

a wonderful woman

I met Anissa just a few weeks ago at the aiming low event in Boston. I knew she was part of aiming low as I had been following their twitter stream all day and had been seeing her picture in her avatar. When she walked up to me, she greeted me as if she knew exactly who I was. She was on her way over to the bar and asked if I had a drink, I explained that I never knew what to order and she said..oh get an "amy lo" we have our own drink now! I guess I looked unsure, because she swept me up with her and ordered me an amy lo. I thanked her and went back to my friend, as she was obviously busy.

Later she came to our table and sat with us, we talked for a little bit. I remember being amazed by her warmth, her ability to make a person feel so comfortable so easily. I remember being surprised by how much I liked her and how quickly.

Anissa has a heck of a road ahead of her, but she has dealt with a lot in her lifetime. She is a strong woman, and I believe that there is power in positive thoughts. I have been thinking of her non-stop since I saw the tweets pour in yesterday. I wish her family well, and I will be donating as these kinds of illness's take a toll on a family emotionally and financially, I urge everyone to do the same.

Go here for to get info, leave a comment, or donate or send gifts.
http://aiminglow.com/2009/11/hope-for-anissa/

amusing things

In light of the fact that I am working tomorrow, and have to get this place MOM-clean. (as in my mom is coming here to watch my kids at 6:15 am) (yeah she rocks) AND my husband just called to say he is coming in late and has no idea how late that might be...tonight will be a simple bullet point of stuff I have been thinking about.

• NEIL PATRICK HARRIS joined twitter yesterday, I love him and would like to marry him-I know he's gay, and shut up cause in my head he is not..and I'm not a married mother of two..but I digress.
• I don't think anyone in blog land fully understands my love of Dr Horrible. My friends do because I keep making them watch it when they come here.
• Can someone please explain to my why boys MUST spit/throw food? I have no idea what I will do when our old golden is not here-I call her my quicker picker upper, as in quicker than me.
• Does anyone else think it's funny that my 2 year old can say "no time out" clear as a bell? Two is the age of rules around here, but this child will be the death of me, he flat out does not care what I think.
• My son skinned his knee at 8am this morning, its 5pm and he is still limping around. He accidently hit his knee with his hand about an hour ago and he said, "or hitting your own knee which is already damaged" is this kid really four?
• It appears to me my kids are having dry kix for dinner, since they helped themselves when I sat down to write this and are both on their second bowls. AIMING LOW!
• This is me trying to tell my son a knock-knock joke today-at his request,

ME-knock knock

HIM-whose there

ME-banana

HIM-banana who?

ME-knock knock

HIM knock knock

ME no-you say whose there?

HIM whose there

ME banana

HIM whose there,

ME-no you say banana who?

HIM banana who, mom-you need to stop saying banana, say something about the banana-like banana slipped on a banana peel or something...

Apparently I can't even tell a joke right in this house, and my four year old must give me pointers!

a picture of embarrassment

After writing such a heavy post yesterday, I figured I need something light today, I mean I want to be more honest in my blogging, but not looking to be a downer. As I went about my business this morning, feed kids, dress kids, drive oldest to preschool..it was sitting in the back of my mind. Something fun.. hmmmm....

Well I had no reason to stress!! Leave it to my four year old and his talent for embarrassing me! If you need a refresher check out the applebees trip , or the time we went to playground.


Today I picked him up from preschool I arrived a few minutes early and was waiting in the lobby. Will's teacher walked him by me to bring him to the bathroom. He said "Hi mom! I drew you a picture!" His teacher quickly interjected "Yes, he drew daddy making big muscles!" I laughed because Will is always talking about how strong his daddy is. He told me on the way back to the classroom he drew me and I am purple. I thought nothing of this.


I walked him out to the car and while I was waiting for him to put his straps on I looked at the stack of artwork I had been handed. Then I found this:





This is a picture of me and Will taking a nap together-which we did yesterday. Notice anything ummm distractingly large?



My heart stopped for a second while my brain digested what I was looking at.



I feel the need to clarify that I ALWAYS SLEEP WITH CLOTHES ON, also how thrilled I am to pay the amount of a car payment for this special kind of embarrassment. The picture of daddy by the way, had a nice little description on the bottom written by the teacher.

I wonder why there was nothing written on mine?

Awesome, I don't think I think I can show my face at that preschool...

searching for something

I keep saying I want to be more honest in my blogging...so here it goes.

I need something. No, I can't elaborate as to what that might be, because I don't know..right this very second though I just want out. I need to clarify that. I am delighted to have what I have in life. A healthy family, a home, a job I'm good at.

My husband sometimes has these stretches at work that just require him to work everyday-according to him. I think that sometimes it is ok to say, listen I'm working 6 days a week, this one day I need to spend with my family. He says it about deadlines, and getting things done. I understand that. I'm ok with that, for a week or two. When it rolls into three and four weeks, as it is right now, I feel squeezed...I take care of the boys and house, I go to work, lather rinse repeat. I cannot count on my husband coming in to help at any particular time, I have no idea when to have supper ready. I can't just hold on until the weekends, as this very weekend was the long awaited weekend off. Except he still wasnt home. Had a peice of a side job he had to do yesterday, which ate up the entire afternoon to evening. Had to help his dad today which ate up the entire day 8-4. I do not object to him helping his family, they have helped us in more ways than I can count. I just sometimes wish the priority was to be with us, and not just to earn for us.

I don't want to give him a hard time, anyone who works 7 days a week is bound to be tired-and he is, but I can only suck it up for so long, and then top this week off with sick babies, and for some reason my kids are clinging to me, as in want to be touching me at all times lately-if I sit on the couch, two kids on my lap, if I go to bed, two kids want in bed with me, if I shower two kids at the door, If I go to the bathroom, two kids in the 3 ft x 3 ft bathroom, if I cook two kids between me the stove and the island. I know they are just missing their dad, and clinging to me more, I want to be there for them, I'm glad I am there for them, but good god could I have a breath? Or maybe just back up? A time frame when he will go back to a normal schedule?

I start to just want an escape-not away from my family forever but like an afternoon... I really need some new clothes, and a haircut, and an eyebrow/lip wax.

..and then I think of everything people do for me already-my babysitters when I work are our parents, that I cannot ask for one more thing. The last time I was feeling like this, I found an escape in exercising, in putting my kids in the little kid room and having an hour a few times a week...but now Ben just will not be left, and I cannot torture him for no reason, also swine flu, not really willing to expose them to anything I don't have to.

I know this will pass, we have done this before, but inside I'm screaming, it feels like a long unending shriek, that only I can hear, I need something...

sleep fail!

Last night I attempted to go to bed early..but our kids had other plans. Ben was in bed with us again so I could keep an eye on him. We have a king, so it's no big deal to have a kid in bed with us, which is good since our four year old joins us fairly often. About an hour after we all fell asleep I woke up to Ben on my pillow because Will had decided to join us and was in his spot. That quickly turned itself into two sleepy boys annoying each other in the bed, and I was getting flat out beat up with flying arms and legs.

At one point I looked over to see my 6ft 220 lb husband balancing himself on the edge of the bed, so I grabbed our oldest by one leg and one arm and pulled him back to the center of the bed, and said-DAVE! gain some ground! Ben is literally throwing himself around trying to get comfortable and I'm getting baby arms and legs in the face. I keep trying to move him back towards the center of the bed, he is digging his heels into my back. Then Ben decided he wanted to get to the other side of me, but I was on the edge of the bed, and kept catching him (and being scared awake) as he threw himself over my body, towards the floor. Finally Ben got annoyed and threw himself toward the end of the bed to get out of the tangle of arms and legs. I remember being so mad that I started throwing stuffed pigs(yes we have three) around my room trying to create space for everyone.

Finally Will fell asleep enough that I could move him back to his bed, put Ben back between us and sleep a little. I'm beyond tired and Dave tells me that he got up at three am and came down to the couch to try to sleep, but didn't. I think all the members of this family will be sleeping in their own beds tonight, now excuse me, I need a nap.

sick kid+numb brain

My brain is numb, I have taken care of whiney sick kids since last night and I have hit the point where I have medicated so many times that I can't remember what med I gave when if I don't write it down.

My oldest has been extra whiney and sleepy-I believe he is coming down with something, or fighting off something. Either way he is suddenly feeling extra needy and as soon as you get the baby-who IS sick off your lap, he jumps on looking for his cuddle time. What is super-fun though is when Ben is laying on me, and Will wants to cuddle too, and Ben starts wacking him on the head telling him to go away...apparently when you are two and sick you don't want to share your mama? We have a no hitting policy here, but am I supposed to put a sick baby in time out? I haven't, but the things you end up thinking about.

I should be receiving my new laptop keyboard any day now..not thrilled with the company we ordered from, as they are taking a lot of time to ship a part. Can't wait to have my laptop back.

housework and sick kids.

Today started as a highly successful day, my sister came over to help wrangle the short people and we jumped into tasks that have been putting off around here for lack of another adult. I hate being interrupted when I finally decide to start something but that translates into I never start.

We folded and put away piles of laundry, pushed laundry through, decluttered, did dishes but as the day went on it became clear that Ben was not feeling well he woke up with a high temp from his nap.

After a trip to the md he probably has the flu and at the md's office had a temp of 104 with tylenol in him. He felt better after some motrin, and played a little before bed. We got him settled in our bed and I'm listening to my little boy and his daddy try to out snore each other. Tonight will be a long night of med dosing every three hours. Wish me luck.

my swine flu concerns with a lack of sleep thrown in

Holy tired batman. For some reason I did not sleep last night, as in I was awake enough to register each passing hour and think of things I really should blog about.

Like when I rolled over in bed and found a little plastic key in my bed. That seemed pretty funny in the middle of the night.

Nothing kept me awake, I just was, luckily today is not a day I had to go anywhere, so I wasn't overly stressed about being awake, but now I'm in a head achy fog, just craving sleep. Forgive me if this isn't the most coherent post I have ever written.

I have been thinking, my sons are four and two. They have yet to receive their immunizations for the seasonal or swine flu. I have called my pede to get these things, but was told their names were on a list, and they would call me when they have it. I know that the smallest are hit the hardest, and working in a major hospital in our area, we see lots and lots of admissions to rule out swine flu. I know it's in the area and people are not able to be immunized, kids are slowly getting done now, I heard that inmates are getting immunized, but healthcare workers and sick people not so much.

So here is what I've been thinking about, if the swine flu does hit our area-(and based on how it's moving I have no reason to believe it won't) do I pull my son out of preschool? His preschool is in the YMCA. That is a whole lot of people going in and out of there, with nothing regulating how well they are, or aren't. Preschool is not required, it gives him a leg up, it gives me a break, he behaves better when he goes, but I'm not required to bring him.

My mom-one of my primary babysitters when I work, has an immune deficiency, so if my kids get sick-she does to. I don't want my children to be the reason my mom gets sick-and with a compromised immune system, that could get ugly.

Also the school district that the ymca is in has grouped all kids of the same age to certain schools by grade, so if one family is hit by swine flu, its going to be spread to several schools, as each child goes to a different school. We have lost some of the isolation of kids just going to a local school, an entire town would be effected.

What are you thinking? Will you pull your child out if it gets bad in your area?

throwing down the gauntlet

I stopped by Aiming Low to read whatever was posted and I found this post by Tena. Go ahead and read it, I'll wait.

http://aiminglow.com/2009/11/new-rule-call-first/

Today I got a reply back from Tena. Here is a screen shot of the comments section-yes, for you I googled how to get a picture of your screen and followed the handy-dandy directions.

See now I started thinking about how that might be taken as a joke-see the floor. I live in a 1200 square foot house, and its a colonial, so you know 600 up 600 down. We have high ceilings and have remodeled to an open floor plan, so it doesn't *Feel* so small, but still seriously lacking floor space. It takes my boys no more than an afternoon to trash this place-and while I do clean it about once a day-so I can see the floor, it often looks like this:
x
x
x
x
x
x

Why yes, I do hang the boys coats on the curtain tie backs in front of the coat closet, much better than say opening the closet to get them. Also-why is the vaccum out? That belongs in the coat closet-not in the middle of floor. Oh and yes-we have four ride on toys, for inside the house-I know I only have two kids, but I often have more over..it works, it just does.

Please to notice all the random crap under the coffee table...I pick that stuff up every day and it keeps coming back!

Now for this last shot I am standing in my kitchen and the weird whitish thing on the right is the start of my kitchen cupboards, so this mess just rolls right on into my kitchen. It's fun.

Does anyone elses house end up looking like this EVERY. DAY. because really? I think I win.

If you can beat this-show me! I will be forever greatful and not feel like such a crappy housewife!

mommy moments and mean face

My boys provide me with many random moments that I just want to suck in and remember forever. Tonight my Ben gave me one of those moments. Ben is two and has really been talking since august. This week he got a whole lot better at. Tonight I tucked him into his bed. He didn't want to go, and probably could have handled being up longer but his brother needed to go to sleep. I put him in bed and I was just outside his door and I hear him talking to himself...:

"will go sleep, dada go sleep...ben go sleep? NOOO! baba (his bottle) go sleep? NOOOO!"

When Will was a baby, he managed to get one color down-yellow-only he said yehyo. Soon after he decided that if a color was yehyo, than to color was to yehyo. For about a year when he wanted to color he asked to yehyo, and we loved it.

We are the kind of family that doesn't correct kids when they come up with their own expressions for things, because we figure-they will learn it sooner or later, enjoy it while it lasts.

Another Ben favorite of mine is when he wants me to go with him somewhere, he walks up to me and says "come-on-a-mommy-a" or "come-on-a-mama" everyone who hears this laughs and
says he's Italian? yup my little white redheaded half french part English, Portuguese, and Canadian french kid-big Italian accent!

Will used to tell us he had "gups in my mouf" when he had hiccups. And his first obsession? CAR-CAR! said just like that.

For the last two months Ben has been killing us with his mean face-it started when I was sitting next to him watching him arrange his facial features, furrow his brow, pout his lips, thinking very intently about what he was doing. I asked, are you making a mean face? Mean face was born. When he does it, his dad and I go "Ohhhhhhhhhh!! " In a growly voice. I managed to get a picture of it, and I joked with Dave 20 years from now we will see that picture and the two of us will growl-and our boys will think we are crazy. Want to see it?

love letter to my internet.

ok nablopomo---you're kicking my ass. I just worked the weekend, my feet are tired and I really just want to crawl into my king sized bed with the fresh sheets next to my snoring husband...I will admit this-I have been resonably happy with what I have been able to post so far...but yeah nothing tonight, tough noogies. (is that how you spell nuggies? screw it it stays)

twitter-I love you..since my laptop has been broken I have spent far more time tweeting on my blackberry, and you have become the thing that gets me through the day-I'm not addicted, I can stop anytime I want. hey! those are the funniest people I know (or rather dont know at all) but I'm happy and entertained and that HAS to count for something. Right? Don't look at me like that. Oohhh wait, twitter, where are you going, baby..come back here. I need you. Just one tweet? A mention? You want me to make a list-I will not list-you can not make me..ok just one, for you..

blackberry-you have been elevated beyond laptop status-which is pretty damn high. You fall somewhere just below my children as you allow me to have my texts, and emails, and facebook, and twitter, with me where ever I go. I have to thank my friend shannon-who does not read my blog, for giving you to me...and changing my internet world.

HOSPITAL-the movie!

Today at work would have made for a great action movie. It had it all, action, drama, romance, aggressive people, laughing with coworkers over silly things in the hallway...why has noone made this movie yet?

Scene one-dawdle in report because I would rather be talking to my coworkers than dealing with what I just read in report.

Scene two-go deal with the angry patient and wife- neither speak english

Scene three-attempt to pass meds, get stopped by a doctor who wants to talk to me on the phone...but not tell me what he wants to talk about.

Scene four-attempt to pass meds find out a long term patient lost a tooth-as in spit it out whole, attempt to get ahold of doctor to request dental care, get blown off (will get blown off about four more times by same doctor about same issue over course of shift)

Scene five-put a man on a stretcher for a test-and he refuses to go, meanly. Tell doctor. Put a lady on a stretcher for a test. She goes, nicely. Try to go back to passing meds.

Scene six-Get stopped by formerly angry man who still doesn't speak english for a cardiac issue, do bedside testing, call md, call interpretor. moniter and attempt to medicate- just then get pulled away by an intern insisting I have to come now, even after I explain what I'm doing with the patient whose room I'm in.
Walk to a patients room (who can roll himself,) so I can roll him so two doctors can look at his back, so let me get this straight, you need me to stop taking care of a patient with a cardiac issue so the four foot, eleven and half inch nurse can roll a patient for you, cause two men are not strong enough to do this themselves....

cutting way ahead to scene 12
discharge an elderly woman who while I watch gives her husband the sweetest most in love look I have ever seen. He gives it right back. I ask how long they have been married and she tells me 60 years. I ask how they have been married that long and still look at each other like that.
He laughs and says they have driven each other crazy plenty of times, she chimes in that they just try to remember to take a step back and usually it isnt a big deal. I want their marriage. More specifically I want my marriage to look like theirs 50 years from now.

scene 15
go check on a patient whose heart rate on the moniter has spiked.
He had walked to bathroom-with help, while waiting to help him back to bed, three doctors come running into the room, when I look at then like they are crazy they yell 230!!! That number is so high I start to puzzle about what the heck it means until I realize they mean heart rate! commence this guy could code on us at any time situation. In the end, he was fine. but that is a nifty little peice of knowledge we learned about him. For the record-highest heart rate I have ever seen in a patient.

scene 17
find out I am not doing a double, a half hour till the end of shift. Almost dance out of the hospital Im so happy, that first 12 hours was enough!

Aiming Low, aims high and throws an amazing party!

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to attend the Aiming Low party in Boston. I'm still trying to figure out how I paid nothing for drinks, lobster ravioli-among other awesome food, and great company but shhhhh!! Don't tell them ok?


I was prepared to drive to Boston myself, but invited my friend Kim to come with me. Kim is not part of the blogging world, so had no idea what I was dragging her to. I promised her a party and night out, and sweetened the deal by arranging to meet up with an old coworker we are both friends with after for a drink.


It was a d*mn good thing I brought her as I got lost and her phone had a gps, highlight of trip is when we see the huge lit up glowing sign in the skyline and yell " We CAN get there from here!!"


We arrived at the party, ate our weight in lobster ravioli, attempted to have a drink-but those babies where strong, and I'm not a drinker!! I mean-well, I drink, but I'm not really a strong drink girl. mudslide anyone? Then moved to another room with all sorts of fun machines lining the walls.


We got to see some amazingly cute video's of each of the Aiming Low woman explaining how they aim low. That was it, I had found my people...how did I not know about them for so long?!

Lots of socializing, cool swag literally all over the place, lots and lots of office supplies on tables, and my favorite thing-the usb drives in the swag bags. I had dragged my laptop to boston as I could not locate my one and only usb.


Sadly I did not get to play with the printers, because although I had brought my laptop, literally moments before I left the house I had been using it to get directions. My 2 year old climbed up on my island and sprayed it with windex. I mean a lot, it was dripping, right into the keyboard. Once I was ready to print pictures, my laptop was not. It is still broken, but fixable and it will only cost 30.00, until then blogging from my husbands laptop.


I loved the touch computer screens-they looked like televisons, but had amazing touch screens-to be honest I have no idea what I would need that for, or how to use it, but it was fun to play with. Also fell in love with the hp mini's. I so want one!


Some photo's to prove I was there!

the fancy room:
my girlfriend kim

Katie from motherbumper:

anissa from freeanissa-speaking!

We had an amazing time, and my friend Kim loved meeting all these people, and won a 250.00 gift certificate to staples!

A side note, there were Aiming Low stickers on the tables and I placed one on my laptop. My husband is baffled why I would want a sticker that says Aiming Low. I explained that that is the name of the group who threw the party-he said-wouldn't they want to Aim High? I stopped trying to explain it, some people are just not going see life our way!

you never see it coming..

I'm making an effort to not post just anything for nablopomo. I'd like to dive into tougher stuff than I usually do, or at least be amusing. I'm exhausted tonight, so I'll just go for the funny.

When you work in a hospital crazy things happen, things you could not have predicted when you walked into work that day, here are a few that stand out to me!

The time I had ants in patients room, many many ants and the nursing office refused to move the patient to a clean room next door to his as it was booked, and no place else to move him so hung up on me. Then wanted him to sit in the hallway for a few hours while they de-anted his room. (I sat him in the empty room to watch tv anyway)

The time a drunk woman was admitted but wanted to leave against medical advice. I was trying to keep her from disturbing other patients and keep her in room until md arrived to sign paperwork to let her leave. She was ranting in the hallway and said she was thirsty she wanted a drink. I offered her tea, coffee, gingerale, juice, milk or water. She sneered at me and said "I want a f*cking beer!!" To which I lost my patients and said. We don't have any fucking beer this is a hospital! (to this day I maintain hey-she went there first.)

The time a confused man was really really angry with me for remodeling his house without his permission, when I tried to reorient him I pointed out the city view out of the window. He was then really really angry I had not only remodeled, but moved his house as well.

The time a confused lady had me staring at the ceiling with her while she insisted there were dishes up there.

The time I watched a man slap my friend and coworker-a fellow nurse across the face, he was confused and when he had cleared up the next day he apologized to her. She was bent over his bed adjusting something and he knocked her glasses off her face. Listen I felt bad, and it was not appropriate, but how do you not laugh-at least once you are out of the room together.

The lady who insisted she was not a patient, she had come to visit a patient and now we were confused and keeping her, the argument that she was wearing a johnny, a hospital bracelet and sitting in a hospital bed, did not convince her.

and yesterday...when something that looked a whole lot like poop-although I was told by the plumber it was not, came up out of the drains of two sinks and splashed on the walls. In my job, you never really know what you are going to get!

Things my kids have done in the last week.

Will, my four year old, hid his bathing suit on friday instead of putting it on. He did not want to swim because the life guards tell him what to do, and he doesnt like being told what to do. Then he told me he didn't remember where he hid it. I sent him to time out until he remembered. He finally "remembered" that he threw it down the basement stairs I sent him to get it. He came up with a toy "for ben" that we had put down there because it was loud and obnoxious. Later he tells me the bathing suit was under the stove..so the little side trip to the basement was a con...awesome.


Ben has pushed a stool from the island up to the counter, and is shoving his little hand into the sugar bowl and sucking his fingers. When I take him off the stool he says "moa suga peese!" I tell him no more sugar, he gets more insistant, "MOA SUGA PEESE!!" repeat until Ben is in time out as he won't stop pushing the stool up to the counter.



I find Ben in the upstairs bathroom all drawers/doors in cabinet open, screwdrivers he got out of cabinet lined up sticking out of baseboard heater. The tub is blasting cold water and he has a little cup tub toy and is flinging water all over the floor.



Ben again-yup going for the sugar, but instead finds the clorox clean up I put on top of the counter in the corner to get it away from him. Sitting and spraying it all over his clothes and floor. yeah he ruined those clothes.



and yes..Ben again, this time I hear splashing from the downstairs bathroom. I find him using my toilet brush "cleaning" the toilet. I tell him he needs to get out of the bathroom he says "no thank you! and goes right back to splashing.

What I did last summer.

I officiallly have been married 9 years as of last august. My husband and I have known each other forever, you see he started as my brothers best friend. They were 12 and in boyscouts, and Andy (my brother) and Dave (my husband) became fast friends. There were years and years of sleep overs, and hanging out at our house. Dave has been in our family so long that I don"t remember meeting him, he was always just there. My point is? we have HISTORY. He was always just part of the family.


When we fell in love there were no questions. This was just it. I could not possibly see my life without him in it. I still can't. We fit, in a way I can't explain. He is my rock. He always has my back. He loves me for me, and really isn't interested in me trying to look good, dress nice or wear makeup-which come to find out is a good thing, since I spend my days home with the kids with my hair in a ponytail most days.


You slowly add things like careers, mortgages, more people, car payments, bills, pets. Then those kids get older and need more things, like clothes every season, preschool, lord knows what comes after 4 1/2. Life becomes about the kids and what they need. Everything else gets pushed to the side, including spending any time together, both parties are tired and slowly get frustrated with their role.


Nothing bad happens, over time you just turn your attention away from each other.

Go to work, come home, eat dinner put kids to bed, fall asleep right after they do-for him. For me up all day with the boys, run them around, do errands, make food, clean up food, clean up house, do laundry pay bills., play dates, make more food, clean up food, clean up house, stay up way to late at night because finally noone is asking me for anything. Except on the days I work. Then I am gone for the entire day...and he picks them up on his way home from work to do bedtime on his own-his mom always feeds them.

You get into this pattern of busy, if I get overtime I'm out of the house from 6 am to 12:30am. He often works late and picks up side work for his company so will work after work and on weekends. Right now we are in a one of those runs. When it is over he will have worked 21 days straight. He gets tired he gets cranky, more falls on me since he is not here, I get cranky. When he is cranky he is snippy, but not just average snippy, mean snippy. Then we fight. The boys notice he is gone and start to crave him, he comes in and they climb all over him, DADDY!! DADDY!!

The fact is that this man is doing every possible thing he can for this family. He works through back pain, he works days and days with no days off. It's hard to hold together a marriage, a relationship, hell, a friendship when no one has time to talk. When everyone gets resentful and feels under appreciated. When you are staring at days stretched ahead of you until when? When does this routine change? When do we have time for us to be us?

Things got strained, there was talking and crying and more talking. When your wife is sitting you down and telling you that I will be your wife I'm not going anywhere, but I want to be friends again, and if he could not be my friend than ok, I can make friends, but it was up to him. I married him because we were friends. We needed nothing more than each other to be entertained, we are more than happy to sit together in our house and hang out, watch tv, play with the kids. We live very simply.

For a while there was wondering, what if this doesnt turn around? What do I want to do? My answer surprised me, but I knew it was the right one. Even if things didn't get better, I cannot imagine my life without him. Good, bad or come what may, I need this man in my life.

Fortunately things came around, he heard me, I'm trying to correct the one thing that is super important to him, he is more present, back to the guy I married. What is amazing to me though is how quietly it all built up, how bad it got, and how talking to each other brought us right back to being us, together. I think this has put us back on the right path, but I'm paying attention to make sure.

TRIO review

My son recieved a trio building set from the nice people at bsmmedia.com. I recieved an email looking for boys 4-7 and thought well I have a four year old. I answered the emailand I got a reply literally within minutes, confirming that I would be receiving one in the mail. It came pretty quickly and although I wanted to give it to my son right away we were pretty busy and he was already tired, so I figured it would be better to wait for a quiet moment when his little brother was not around to distract him.

When that moment finally arrived, I pulled out the Trio building system and set him up on our kitchen island. He was excited to play with it upon seeing it. To describe the set, it's kind of a cross between Legos and Kid Knex. Kid Knex are a hit around here as they let you build well, whatever your imagination can come up with, with lots of plastic sticks and funny shapes. This kit has the sticks and connectors mixed in with blocks of different sizes so it goes where a Lego does not. In the set we recieved we had a car that pops off of its wheels so the wheels can be built on, a few panel pieces, a roof peice, a propellor, a little man. straight and curved stick/bar peices. All of course in bright fun to look at colors. It all came in a red plastic container that holds the set, and the lid is a yellow plastic grid to use as a base to build on.

At first I gave him no instruction. He emptied it out and figured out he could build on the base pretty quickly on his own. One thing to be aware of, a new set is pretty tough to click together and take apart. When I saw him struggling to click the bricks together I stepped in and helped, thinking he just did not understand what he was supposed to do, but no, it was the amount of force needed to push them together. I am happy to report that is no longer a issue once you play with them for a while. They now click together easily and hold together just fine. So here a few pics of him playing with it.

This toy has now been in my home about two months and I can honestly report it has recieved daily play. It is always out in my living room and I have been impressed and surprised by what he has been able to put together. Everything from very tall buildings, to fences, to vehicles thanks to the the car with the removable top, and honestly what little boy doesn't love a propellor?

My younger son Ben is just 2 years old, and he plays with it just as often as his big brother does. He does not have the skills to build the creations his brother can, but he has a great time clicking things together. We have lots of kids that come and play here, in this same 2-5 age group both girls and boys, and I have also noticed that they seem to gravitate towards it. Every single one has hopped right in and had a great time with it. No child who has been in my house since we have recieved it has walked by it and not picked it up to play with.

Ok so what didn't I like? Not much to be honest. I was a little concerned with how frustrated he got when we first opened it with the blocks requiring so much force to click together. My son is likely to just chuck the whole thing aside and never look at it again if it frustrates him. In this case he kept at it and once the blocks had recieved some play they click together much more easily, but also still hold together well, so he can build BIG! We definately could use more of them though, because he runs out of bricks before he runs out of ideas, and has to stop when he isn't ready to, and start over. The lid to the container it comes in just sits on top of the box, it does not latch at all. so if the container is knocked, or pulled over they all spill out. I'm torn between wishing the lid latched in some way so they did not dump it when they are trying to move it, and being glad that they have such easy access when they want to play.

I asked my son before sitting down to write what he thought of this toy, he says that "It's awesome. I can take it out of the box and build whatever I think of. " He also said "The other blocks fall apart, but these stay, so I can.. " and then gestured big with his arms. I asked if he wanted anymore blocks like these and he said "YES!" We looked at the website and he is now asking for the constructions set and the firehouse set. He reasons that one can be for Ben and one for him. I told him Santa is coming. In all honesty, this set is such a hit that I will buy both for christmas. A toy I already know my kids love? Sold.

The best part though? The kind people who gave this toy to my boys, are willing to give another one to one of you! Leave me comment, with a way for me to contact you, and one person will be selected at random. I will leave this open until midnight on Thursday. Friday I will use a randomizer to select a winner, and post it.

nablopomo!

Why can't I let a November go by and not participate? I have no idea, but it calls to me, and I love the commitment of it. So I will sign up, because I need to, because I want to.

Just for your entertainment-my husband is sitting about a foot away from me asking "are you done yet?" I told him this is not conducive to the writing process.

Also-my laptop is broken, as in my adorable two year old baby sprayed it with cleaning solution. I mean till it was dripping wet. The fact that I was going to the aiming low Boston party that very night apparently was lost on him. I was bringing my laptop since it had all my pictures on it, and I lost my one and only USB. Thanks aiming low for providing with a new one for me later that night.

I'm announcing that I'm in, I have only succesfully completed one Nablopomo, one year I tried and failed, one year I tried and finished, one year I forgot it existed-but ya know, I was in the middle of newborn with breastfeeding problems, so probably better. No one would want to read a month of -wow my nipples hurt, and this kids prefers one breast over the other...

We are enjoying a very nice fall so far in new england, since summer was kind of not... I will show you some of our fall pics.

Those faces right there? The reason I don't run screaming for the hills!!

I'm a crappy housewife.

I am a crappy housewife. Before I was anyone's wife I was a crappy housewife, but I was too naive at the time to understand that. I thought that somehow keeping a house clean, raising kids, paying bills was something magical that just got turned on like a switch once you were a mom and wife. I was also sure I would be excellent at it. The thing is I was viewing the world through teenage-colored glasses and figured if my mom could do it I obviously could do it better.

Wow, was I wrong!

The basic fault with my plan was, well, me...while I prefer things clean and tidy, and I posses the skills needed to perform those tasks..I just don't care that much. I will clean, I do clean...but its not like a task I just dislike, its a task I HATE! As in when I do it, I run around here grumbling and complaining and making idol threats to the small people who make the majority of the mess.
Since I loathe this task as much as I do, I'm only willing to do it, saaayyy-once a day. If you read my blog-(and why would you since I don't seem to write posts anymore) you know I have two boys-who trash this place every few hours.

Don't get me wrong, there is a basic level of cleanliness, I always clean the bathroom when people come over...I have a four year old boy who goes potty by himself-I pretty much have to. Since we are a popular gathering place for friends and family, it gets done fairly often. Same goes with vaccuming the floors- since I have a huge shedding golden retriever. I do dishes at least once a day since I always have a need for dishes to eat off of and sippy cups to drink from...and laundry, well taking your kid to preschool just works better if he has clean clothes on his back. I will not pretend they are ironed...but I don't put on the ones that are really wrinkled!

My husband grew up with a supermom-she worked her 40 hours a week, kept the house pin clean, totally organized, served homemade meals with homemade desserts. every. day. Her entire life was her house and children...I am not being the least bit sarcastic when I say..that woman is better than me. My husband knew what he was getting into when he married me, we lived together for years before we were married, and lets just say how we live now is a vast improvement...but he wishes for more. He honestly expects more, but deep down he knows..he isn't ever going to get the house he grew up in. (which-funny-is the house we live in-we bought it from his parents)

I'm not willing to do that. I do what needs to be done, but I insist on having a life too. I'm done worrying about other peoples goals and expectations-particularly when I know those same people are not really ever going to be pleased. I have kids to take care of, I have a marriage to keep together and on the right path, I have a stressful job-even if I work part time, I have commitments to friends and family...if my house isn't clean I just remember that someday, these boys will be gone, things will stay where I put them, less people will track dirt through here, and dirty my bathrooms, use my dishes...until then, welcome to my chaos-help yourself to a drink, watch my tv, use my laptop, and put your feet on the hand me down-coffee table. I'm doing this my way.

Test post from cell phone

overheard in my living room

In the land of boys, 4 is a whole new world.

Just overheard in my living room:

My son burps loudly, and thinks he is hysterical, but that is followed by loudly passing gas. once he collects himself enough to speak, he looks at me and says...."When I looked at you after I pooped (our word for fart-cause really, not a cute word when coming from small children) your face-that was incredible!" me-"when did you learn to use the word incredible?, who taught you that? him- "me?"

That was followed by removing the cushions from the couch, when I said, "Hey! What are you doing!" he said "We want to jump like 2 little monkeys." I said, "What happened to the little monkeys that jumped on the bed?" he says matter of factly-"bumped their heads." i asked how he missed the point of that story-it was supposed to tell kids if they jumped on things they were going to bump their heads, he laughed, while still removing cushions...

After watching me get him a lollipop the other day "ahhhh, now I know where you keep them."

Four-cracks me up, when it isn't whining at me!

shred me (or i shred myself)

So I have decided to become a shred-head. The thing is people have been commenting on my weight loss lately, and I haven't been doing anything in particular, just smaller portions, less snacks, more coffee. Honestly that is it. What has been bothering me though is my butt, back, legs have gotten noticeably smaller, my jaw line has more definition, but this two c-section stomach, not going anywhere anytime soon. I can pull on some of my old size 16 jeans, but zipping and buttoning not so much an option even if they look great on my butt. I'm also really short 4' 11" so a little weight ends up making a big difference in sizes. (since you know it only has so many places to go!) People are usually surprised when they hear how much I weigh, and a few poor people have tried to pick me up just to be surprised how heavy I am.

And no, I'm not telling you! Or taking before and after pics thanks!

So I saw the shredhead blog before, and read a few things and saw that involved lots of sweating and pain, things I have avoided most of my life. I thought how admirable it was for these people to do this for themselves, but not for me thanks. I saw a tweet about starting a new group in august and it just seemed right, and I could have a buddy? I so need a buddy!

It isn't officially august yet but I went ahead and checked my on demand from verizon, and what do you know part one of the shred is there! I know you need three pound weights, but I don't know where in this house I have three pound weights. So I decided to use my 10's. I knew that was going to be rough, but I have kids, and they were happy playing upstairs right at that moment-so I just went for it. (I also have to work this weekend, so figured starting a day early was a good idea, as I probably will not be doing this on sat or sun)

So here is my breakdown for the first day:
Holy shit!
I did ok for the first 5-10 minutes, by the 10 minute mark I was red faced, breathing hard and frustrated. Then my kids came into the living room, got in the way, asked me for stuff, and took my weights-(which freaked me out cause far to heavy for a four year old. ) I got annoyed sent out a tweet that reflected my frustration. The boys magically cleared out of the living room when I stopped exercising, so I snuck back in and finished the video as best as I could.

What I really liked about the video was Jillian, she was encouraging but tough at the same time. And while she was in my living room, (what she doesn't step out of the tv at your house?) I agreed that I wasn't going to get abs doing nothing, so I did a few more. Honestly I think she hypontized me with her rockin bod! The 10 lb weights were way to much, but I have used weights before, so I started the weights each time, and when I knew I was done I put them down and kept doing the exercise.

At this point I am feeling proud that I attempted it even though it was a very poor showing! I am going to do this, although it may take me more than thirty days to get through! I am not holding myself to doing it on workdays, I work 12-16 hour shifts, and I already have to get up at 5 to get to work on time. If I do work the 16 hour shift I usually end up getting to bed around 1am. that is just too many hours to be awake to try to fit in Jillian!

Here we go, jumping on the bandwagon!

rethinking my writing

After thinking yesterday that maybe I will be able to attend blogher in 2010, I started thinking about my blog and the poor quality and quantity of writing here. The truth is I have been holding back here because I know that friends and family do check in here sometimes. I have learned a lot about myself in my blogging journey, it is easy to put up a cute post or video about my kids and their never ending sillyness and love of life. It is harder to write about what is really going on your head, good, bad and ugly, or maybe just a little off color!

My blog needs to grow and change as I have grown and changed, and I very much have since I started blogging, but I hesitate to say too much, to offend, to complain. Who wants to read that? What if I hurt feelings? How far am I willing to go really?

I read the liveblog-blogging as storytelling. I have stories, lots of stories, but they are heavy, and hard, and not just mine. I struggle with how much it is ok to write, but it seems to me that the bloggers I love to read, the ones I check daily, are the ones who can put it all out there, and do. I have tried to stick to safe writing, but safe is not the same as interesting or real.

I think I will take this year 7/2009-8/2010 and develop my blog into a more accurate reflection of me, not just the mommy me, but the nurse me and the bargin hunter me, and the wife me, and the woman me. We are all in here, and all these sides of me need and deserve some expressing. At some point I think most woman just go screw it, this is me, like it or not, cause I am ok with me.

Yeah, I'm there.

poor spelling and punctuation, but at least I posted something!

I am reading posts from all over the blog-o-sphere, about blogher, and for the third year I am shoving aside feelings of just plain old disappointed that I missed it. For the third year in a row, I am telling myself that maybe next year I will be able to attend-it does not hurt at all that it looks like it is supposed to be in new york which is a very short flight, a train ride, or a car trip away. maybe next year, the boys will be a little older, maybe I will be able to pull it off!

Also sick with some god awful virus, so officially doing as little as possible today, but the boys have been really good all day-have either been chilling on the couch or the deck while they played. honestly for a sick mom day this wasn't so bad. now if i could only get rid of the killer headache and bodyaches!

I am amazed with my boys lately, Will is growing into a very kind boy who takes good care of his brother-and is getting much better at following direction, although he is fresh-working on it, working on it. Ben is freaking me out how smart he is. he is now speaking in little two or three word sentences. he seems to know things without being told or shown. and if shown something once, he knows how to do it. so different than his worry-wart older brother who needs to be shown things hand over hand or he just wanders off and stops paying attention.

We did a long awaited home improvement project this weekend, we were given some stools for our island that were sturdy if ugly.

Four years later we finally did something about it!

before:

after:

.... and yes my house is always messy! Did you spot the flea market purse hanging on the chair? love that bag-cheap too! So yes we got rid of the god awful brown fabric that absorbed everything spilled on it, and put on some nice wipeable neutral vinyl-that little project took most of a day sanding, pulling staples, painting, recovering, but we now have three very nice looking stools!

Ok time to cook! Supper apparently does not make itself, damn.

can't touch this!

Finishing day 7 of single parenthood....hopefully to be ended sometime this weekend. Dave is on an extended side job and has only been here to sleep and shower lately. So I have had to get creative with filling the time-thanking god this was wills first camp week, and also beautiful weather so they could play outside!! Also thanking god that he is not in camp next week, cause man am I tired of all this running around. Maybe i should just homeschool....I cant imagine how bad this will stink when I have to take one to preschool and the other to school school. ugh, just ugh. Wait no-that would never work, he doesnt listen to me now!

So while I look the fact that I have to work the weekend and somehow get this place clean and bills paid tonight-a follow up to that little video in my last post




This song came on as a commercial, that I had to rewind a few times since they liked it so much.
My boys-they like the music!

also remember this?



here is bens version:

the boys rocking out

sorry it turns sideways! sometimes i forget i'm not taking a picture!

why yes that is my sons rocking out to nickelback, why is "something in your mouth" an inappropriate song choice? really i'm a good mom, honest!

oh damn-probably going to hell!

still on the internet-but now with more boob!

ok, so i wasn't going to post about it, I was going to do it, just for fun, and let it go at that, but now suddenly i'm feeling, competitive, and brave, and you know..competitive.

i was on twitter the other day, when i came across this tweet that was announcing that bewbfest 09 was still open for entries, and today was the last the day. I thought about for a split second and new i wanted in! of all things that i have going for me, well, the boobs are good!

you can vote once a day for your top three, and voting is open until june 30th.

http://sarcasticmom.com/bewb-fest-09/

inspired

Wow have i missed this blog-it is a good sign when you are craving blogging right?



We are having an beautiful spring day here, with no real commitments or to do's, just enjoying the day and getting centered! I think I have been missing that-the getting centered-breathing, thinking, and I find I cannot write when I cannot think. Thanking God for spring and bright sunny days right now, cause lord knows I needed for my very active children to be able to go outside and play.



I am not a winter person, and in my part of new england-winter can be very long and dark-starting in oct and ending around april-but when I sit (like I am now) on my new to us couch, (love it when it is free-exactly fits your needs and though 8 yrs old still in very good shape-and miraculously blends with the decor!) and listen to nothing but my children playing happily in the backyard, my fingers on the keyboard, the birds chirping, and my windchimes, with the doors wide open so the house is full of sunshine and spring breezes, I feel renewed and inspired.

Me and the boys a few weeks ago enjoying a new england day!

do you like my new blog look? I got the background free here:
http://www.sashwhystudio.com/free-templates/, I love it I think it looks fresh and springy!

they have about 10 free backgrounds to choose from, makes me want to do more!

new pictures!

Sometimes we moms' just have crazy days, and this was one of them!

The highlights include:

• being woken up four times last night by the boys-for the first time in a long time-I felt like I was breastfeeding again!
• Doing some shopping for Will's 4th birthday party-how is this kid 4? (and lord help me I hope 4 is better than 3, cause 3 was rough!)
• Watching some little girls I know so their dad could change a flat tire and drive them home
• Being pulled over in my own driveway,
• Hosting a play group at my house, and
• Going to the in-laws for dinner.

Capped off by Will falling out of bed, and not even waking up. I mean that kid was gone, if the sudden stop on the hard wood floor didnt wake him up, nothing will! When I put him back to bed I told him I love him, he mumbled, all sleepy, I love you mommy. I'll take it!

So since my laptop has had some memory issues, I haven't been able to post any new pictures in a long time. I've taken over my husbands laptop, and here are the boys!

being silly, with an egg on his head from school!

messy Ben, enjoying his lunch.

me and my baby-not a great picture of me, but what are you going to do?


the boys all cuddled up


Ben shows us where the light is!


Will ice fishing! He said he was never going to walk on that ice again once he got home!

Bath time!

happy baby

happy big brother!

silly boys

Will

some stuff

I'm avoiding my housework today. My sister in law volunteered my house for a playdate between my sons and her neice on her husbands side. They are nice people but I have a headcold, and my house is trashed. I have fully medicated myself and feel better than sludge, but really dont want to clean-its ok though, i have about 2 hours left. I'm most effective when I'm running behind!

I ditched my dentist yesteday. I have been going to this practice since I lived at home with my parents. For years now I have been getting nothing but attitude from them. I thought it was me, but when I talked to my husband he said the same thing. We both have appts with a new dentist that came highly referred. Someone else can bill my dental coverage, why did I wait so long to switch?

Ben is talking! One word here or there, but they are real words. We are very excited, so much better than whine and point-which is his primary form of communication.

Will is 4 in about 3 weeks. We have seen so much more maturity from him lately. He is playing with Ben so nicely and trying to take care of him more.
-Yeah as I typed that I looked up to watch him slap Ben on the head. Which brings me to my next point, we have been having A LOT of time outs. You know the half hour long, when you settle down you can get up variety? fun, fun.

Will this week has started to refuse naps-oh he will go to bed, but then he just fools around for a while and comes back down. So he is also super cranky, thus more time outs. Can't make him sleep, I can put him back to bed over and over, but I can't make him close his eyes and sleep. No matter how badly he needs it. so yesterday was day 5 of no nap-He said he was tired just now, I tucked him into my bed, we shall see what happens.

Due to 5 days in a row of no nap-and my having to work tomorrow, and him being extra cranky-i kept him home from preschool today, I do feel a little guilty about it, but I think it is in his best interests to have a quiet day today so maybe he will behave better for my mom tomorrow. The last time went badly.

yesterday we had a long time out cause he would not help me clean up the toys-he never has helped me, but again-almost 4. His trick is to refuse to help, which buys him a time out, and then he tantrums. In the meantime I've done all the cleaning. I'm so on to him. So yesterday I left the mess, and informed him he was staying in time out until he was ready to help. It worked. and he did a good job. But at one point when he was by himself I heard him mutter to himself in a cranky voice "Fider fighters don't pick up their toys, and I'm a fider fighter." I was trying so hard not to laugh out loud-that is a classic William moment!

That is about it for now!

you're not really a parent until...

This morning I was battling my one year old, he ran into the 3x3 bathroom (i'm so no kidding it is that small) after me- wanting to brush his teeth. As I informed him that it was time to leave the bathroom (read-picked him up and moved him) he got mad and started howling, As I carried his heavy little butt out of the bathroom I remembered a story about a toothbrush, something his brother did about his age, which got me thinking about all the crazy things kids do that really make you a parent.

Oh sure, there are the obvious ones, getting up every two hours, having an infant just plain not go to sleep, trying to figure out breastfeeding, dealing with sick kids. But as a mom of an almost 4 year old(can someone please explain how that happened) and a one year old, I have learned there is more to it than that. That is the stuff I expected to happen. It's the stuff I never saw coming that makes for the best stories!

I set out every day with the intentions to be a good mom. I love my kids and I want them to be safe. My mom has a little plaque hanging on her wall, she has had it since I was kid, and I hated it then. Now it is extremely funny. It says "I could be a perfect parent if it weren't for my kids."

So here is my list of things that only happens to you if you have children:

1) You walk into the bathroom to find your child standing on a stool, using your toothbrush-not on his teeth however-to vigourously scrub out those little drain holes in the sink!

2) Your son pees on your bed-twice in about two hours. The first time was an accident, but apparently he liked your reaction. So he climbs back up and pees on it again, after you had already stripped it. In the phone call to your mom that follows to ask how to get urine out of a pillow top mattress, she says-"Alison, why didn't you have a mattress cover on it" to which the only answer you can come up with is-"I did-the first time he peed on it!"

3) During the let him walk around naked so he will learn to use the potty "trial" period, he poops on the floor, then finger paints with it all over the kitchen cupboards and the china hutch.

4) The applebee's trip http://ali-rnmom.blogspot.com/2008/08/im-not-supposed-to-actually-kill-him.html

5) The time I woke up in my bed wondering what was different, to slowly come to realize that I was soaked with urine, and in a place where I could not have possibly soaked myself.

6) The other time I woke up soaked-but at least I knew what had happened that time.

7) The time I went upstairs to find the entire bathroom covered in shaving cream. I'm not exagerating-he actually stood on the toilet tank and covered the wall about four feet up, the entire toilet, sink, floor, toilet paper holder, towel bar. It was a sight to behold-unfortunately I did not get a picture, I was too busy cleaning it up before his father saw it-it had been a rough afternoon and I was worried for his life. (No my husband would not have killed him-but let me just tell you, that day was bad-and that would just have been icing on the cake!)

8) The playground trip http://ali-rnmom.blogspot.com/2008/10/and-just-when-i-thought-nothing-would.html

9) The time I opened my cupboard under the sink to find my toothbrush nestled right up to the garbage can.

10) When me and another parent were silly enough to comment out loud, that it was nice the kids were big enough now to go upstairs and play, to find they had gotten into the bath crayons and colored all over the upstairs hallway, drawn 12 inch lines all the way down the stairs about a foot apart, and after we got over that surprise, realized his daughter was soaked. Upon further questioning, they got into the sink, and then climbed on top of it to get to cupboard where I kept the bath crayons so he would not get into them.

11) The time I came home from work to find a video my husband and neighbor had taken of my one year old child (my only child at the time) climbing the ladder himself unsteadily, and then going head first down the 10 ft slide in our backyard.

12) Your three year old son picking a new tampon out of your purse and saying "mom, I don't know what this is!"

13) When my one year old escaped out of the preschool room during a party for my older sons class, and a kind woman who happened to know he was mine brought him back. In my defense my mom had just walked out that door, and I thought she had taken Ben with her, but I had just figured out he was missing when he was brought back in.

14) The time I was in a very small consignment shop with Ben and I put him down at my feet so I could look at a high rack. I gave him my purse to empty and he was very happy, until I looked down and found he wasn't at my feet. In a very short period of time he had crawled about 10 feet, unfortunately it was out the propped open door of the shop and he was sitting on the sidewalk. There is a reason we have given this child the nickname ES-CA-PE! (say it like Dory does in Finding Nemo)

15) what about you? Have any good ones?

I'm just not ready to give this up yet....

I'm having a hard time finding a balance between all things that demand my attention. It seems that when my real life gets real-when my kids are good and sick, over and over again, when big scary things happen in my family my writing just dries up. I actually find it to be something interesting about myself I never really knew or thought about. Apparently I go inward. Some of it is just too personal to write, or I cant write what others confide in me, at lately there has been a whole bunch of confiding.

But what it comes back to really, is I like my blog. I always have liked my blog, even if I have probably killed whatever readership I had by the massive break I have been on, I don't want to stop blogging. I have also been reading other blogs but just stopped commenting.

I'm going to work on having a blog-and having something worth reading up here-and tending to my life, because after all-I think this is fun, I like the outlet, I like making friends. All too often I give up on the things I like to make room for other things, and how much time does it take to write a blog post? Well, that depends on the blog post-these stream of conciousness ones are pretty easy...

So I guess I'm feeling kind of "cheaty monkey" (http://cheatymonkey.com/), I want it all and I want some balance. I want to be productive at home, I want to save money using coupons, I want to take care of my kids, I want to still be me. Have mothers always felt like this? Or did they just give up everything that made them who they are-and do "good mom" until their kids are gone?

I don't know, but my blog is part of me, so I'll keep at it. I'm hoping someone is out there reading along, but if not, it's still my place to be me. That is a good thing.

once upon a time

once upon a time a girl had a blog.

She loved her blog-she recorded her lfe, vented frustations, displayed her children for all the world to see.

Then things just seemed to enter a busy go go go pace, she started using coupons, which is time consuming but so worth it, her baby became a walker-so now two boys trashed the house and demanded food. The holidays came, and as usual they were crazy, shopping, looking for good deals, wrapping, visiting. The kids just kept getting sick, and the oldest stopped attending preschool the full three half days a week just before christmas and hasnt made it back a full week since.

The girl wants to use her blog-if only she could think of something to write about.

But I'll be around.

Hope for 2009

Most new years for me start with a feeling of promise. The hope for good things to come, for my kids to grow and be well, for our families to be safe. This year is different. I'm worried about our economy, and the financial well being of our friends and families.

I have a sister who is a newly single mother to a two year old girl. I have a mother in law who was recently laid off from a position she held for almost 30 years. I have a husband and two brothers in the construction industry, at a time when people are not taking or getting loans to build houses or for home improvement. I'm worried.

I for one have started using coupons almost exclusively, and I'm doing my best to teach others what I have learned. I also came across a program called Angel Food Ministries that is run through a group of churches that allows you to purchase food at much reduced costs. They buy in bulk like a food warehouse would but the overhead is very low because it runs on volunteer work. Go here and put in your zipcode to find if there is a host site near you, the prices will shock you! http://www.angelfoodministries.com/menu_0901en.asp

I guess what I am doing then is learning how to save money on what my family needs, and showing others how to do it. I strongly believe in donating uneeded items, and if we don't have money to give-and lots of times we don't-we try to give time instead.

Everyone I know is in the same boat, we are living on what we make, and doing the best we can. I think we need to be aware of our neighbors, extend a hand where needed, and share anything we are doing to get by. I learned early that if we stick together we can get through anything, and we as a nation need to.

I have hope for 2009, it is the hope that maybe hard times will teach us a lesson we used to know. What the word community means, where the phrase' it takes a village to raise a child' came from. Helping someone without being asked, and having the ability to accept that help, so maybe you will do the same for someone else. Maybe we will come out of this a better country.

Quaker Oats is doing some good too! Go to this link for more info: http://www.startwithsubstance.com/

“This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by The Quaker Oats Company.”For more info about this blog blast hosted by Parents Bloggers Network go to this link:http://blog.parentbloggers.com/